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I'm being a twat, I know I am, It could be much worse

(34 Posts)
VictorianSqualor Mon 28-Jul-08 21:30:17

but DD had her paed assessment today and he said he is 99% sure it's dyspraxia, but he can;t do anything more than refer her to Occ Therapy who will make arrangments wrt either one-on-one therapy or group therapy sad

I don't think DP understands at al, he just keeps saying at least it's not worse and now I can#t stop crying, I feel like a selfish cow, there are many others in worse boats, but surely I'm allowed to be upset?

KristinaM Mon 28-Jul-08 21:31:49

yes of course you can be upset

and of course your Dp doesnt understand - HE IS A MAN. they are from mars , remember?

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 21:37:50

YOU ARE NOT BEING A TWAT!

My daughter has dyspraxia/developmental coordination disorder.

We've had this diagnosis for a while now.

And you know what? I still cry.

A lot.

I cried the other day when we took her to visit the SEN nursery where she will be retained at age. And everyone asking her if she's excited about starting school because she's a very tall 5.

I cried filling out the DLA form.

I cried when I got her Peabody Assessment report from OT the other day and she's been referred back to physio because of the hypermobility in her joints.

I cried when I read that part of her report saying that her condition has not affected her sensory perception or social skills at all, because you're right, things could be worse.

I cry nearly everytime we go to SALT and speech is her strong point!

I cry when I read some of my books and try to understand how much harder some things will be for her, things I always took for granted, things that were and still are so easy for me.

I cry when I think of the future.

I cry with joy when I think that I'm so happy she is ours and not someone else's who might hold her condition against her.

I'll cry when she's trying to read

This is why the SN board is here.

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 21:38:32

DD has one on one OT right now. She has a lot of delays in idependent self-care.

TotalChaos Mon 28-Jul-08 21:40:31

I know very little about dyspraxia, so can't really offer any practical suggestions, but feel free to vent away, these appointments are always mega depressing, as you end up looking at all the negatives.

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 21:45:29

It took me 4 tries to complete her DLA form.

It still takes a day or two before I can bring myself to read a report.

The teacher at the school where she was supposed to attend and the headmistress were ignorant fools.

So now I've got to figure out how to move us to the other catchment area by this time next year.

Sometimes, you cry, other times, you really want to kick something.

twocutedarlings Mon 28-Jul-08 21:59:59

No matter how much you try to prepair yourself for these appointments, its still come a major shock!! it will take you time (lots) to start and get your head around it all.

My DD (5 almost 6) is diagnosed with AS, she also has lots of dyspraxic tendancies. For us it now 12 mth on and things are getting easier smile.

KristinaM Mon 28-Jul-08 22:10:14

expat - cant you just put in a placement request?

Seuss Mon 28-Jul-08 22:14:41

Just because 'it could be worse' doesn't mean you can't be pi**ed about it! My ds has ASD but we are lucky in that we can do most things with him (as long as we watch him like a hawk!). I still want to cry about it sometimes - even though we are on a relatively even keel at the moment. Earlier I felt really sick just looking out of the car window thinking about my friends son who has just gone up a level in Karate - which is stupid really because even if my ds didn't have ASD we probably wouldn't have taken him to karate anyway! Sorry off the point a bit but just wanted to point out although you'll probably always get sad about it things do get easier. smile

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 22:18:15

School's overcrowded, Kristina.

We need to move by October, 2009, anyhow as our landlords are coming back from abroad, we'll just need to bring the move date up a couple of months.

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 28-Jul-08 22:22:13

Any kind of difficulty experienced by a child will cause anguish for that child's parents, regardless of degree or type. Even if you were completely certain that your dd would be dx today, you still didn't want to hear the paed. actually confirm your fears so of course you're allowed to be upset, it's a natural response.

VictorianSqualor Mon 28-Jul-08 22:26:31

This is one of the reasons we pay about £50 a month in bus fares to take DD to the school she is at, they are great and have good rep on SEN, we did live near it but moved away and as I don't drive it costs us so much but I know I can't send her to the local school (we're trying to move back to the other area asap though).

Every thing has just gone so quickly, it was only a couple of weeks ago I mentioned to DD's teacher about my worries, she agreed straight away, GP's within about a week and Paed appointment within two weeks after that. Plus I think I'd almost convinced myself that I was wrong and just overreacting, but I wasn't sad

I'm holding onto the fact that DD's teacher has said she is above average in intelligence and that it shouldn't hinder her too much but hearing her when she told the Paed how much she loved drawing but couldn't do it broke my heartsad

Seuss Mon 28-Jul-08 22:38:02

That's quite a short space of time to come to terms with everything - no wonder it's floored you a bit. I think I have cried after every single paed appointment and quite a few of the early speech ones too - it's a solid hour or so of having all the things your child can't do drawn attention to. I think that's one of the reasons things have got easier for us - as time has gone on I am able to see more of the things he can do and how he has progressed and once you have the dreaded dx there is more chance to focus on positives and the way forward.

Give yourself a chance to come to terms with it all.

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 22:38:12

VS, dyspraxia is not an impairment of the intelligence.

The best thing to do would be to get yourself to a library and have a read of a few books and info about dyspraxia.

KristinaM Mon 28-Jul-08 22:39:55

bummer expat

d'you knwo that you can get medical priority if you get letter from community paed? We got one for DD for relatively minor disability

also an oversubscribed school will only keep a few places for children moving into the catchment area before Aug. after that they can still refuse you a place

VictorianSqualor Mon 28-Jul-08 22:43:05

Yeah, I know that Expat, I've read up quite a bit since it's been considered, I'm just trying to hold onto her not having any other learning difficulties so it being the only thing that hinders her iyswim.

Seuss, I know, it has been quick hasn't it? I just feel like everyone else is thinking 'oh, it's only dyspraxia' whereas right now I've never wanted my daughter to be 'normal' as much as I do now. I used to think being 'normal' and the same as everyone else was boring! Now I wish my DD was!

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 22:44:11

it's the only nursery around, so DD2 will be there.

it's possible we can get a placing request pretty early on those grounds, because this is a rural area that has transport issues.

which is why we'd wanted to move closer to there anyhow, so as one of us could walk to the school.

misdee Mon 28-Jul-08 22:46:38

VS thats is such a short time to get your head around things. give yourself tim to adjust.

expatinscotland Mon 28-Jul-08 22:47:43

exactly, misdee!

it's OKAY to cry and grieve.

lots of us do!

misdee Mon 28-Jul-08 22:49:45

i still sob at my dd2, and she is apprently 'normal' now. the wounds that were made when her pre-school raised concerns are still there and still hurt. that was 2years ago now.

she isnt completly 'normal' though, as i think that doesnt exsist at all. she is quirky, clumsey, and too darned smart for her own good lol.

Seuss Mon 28-Jul-08 23:02:30

Your dd's teacher sounds quite on the ball - will your dd have her next year? I know the turning point for us was finding a school that understood ds - now although we have rough patches, we can handle them because the school is so supportive. It makes everything so much more positive if school/healthcare is on-side.(sorry veering off subject madly tonight but just want to reassure you that although you are quite rightly sad now you won't always feel like this)

VictorianSqualor Mon 28-Jul-08 23:37:49

No, she had her for two years, but they are into combined yr 3&4 next year, it is her literacy teacher from this yr that is her class teacher next yr though so she knows the score.

Seuss Tue 29-Jul-08 09:57:21

That's good that next years teacher know the situation - you don't have to go and start from scratch again. Good luck and hope you're feeling a bit better about it all today.

Tclanger Tue 29-Jul-08 10:23:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kanx Wed 30-Jul-08 10:38:15

I cry a lot too.

I cried this morning because my MIL isn't coming.

I cried on Monday because we got the report from the specialist, even though he told us in the appointment he was write a "bad" report so that hopefully we'll get more funded support (he was shocked we've had to go to the private sector (shock horror)).

I cried this morning because of the twats on the road....

I cry when I think about how "easy" other people SEEM to have it...

(Have changed my name again...)

Of course you are allowed to cry...

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