All autistic children are..

[Hecate]

INDIVIDUAL CHILDREN!!!!

I bloody loathe the whole "autistic children like X, autistic children hate Y, autistic children are all Z" It drives me loco!

There are as many ways to be autistic as there are autistic people!

Do any of you get the whole "Oh, your child is autistic, they all don't they?

My boys are both autistic and are totally different. I bet if any of you met up with me and mine, our children would be totally different.

It just makes me [head blows up emoticon] that people see Autism and not a unique individual with a personality all of their own.

• - - - post inspired by "Oh, they're all really good at maths, aren't they" comment today.

Any suggestion of things to reply to stuff like the above, gratefully received!

[Aefondkiss]

no idea hecate, but you are right to be pissed off, it is easy to stereotype for some people, I suppose they are thinking they are saying something positive?

[cocolepew]

I work with children/young adults with Autism. I hate it when some know-it-all covers the class, and makes generalised statements. One actually said " I have meet a child with Autism, I know everything about them. They're all basical the same". Pushed further she added "well, they are good with numbers and flap their hands". I had such fun that day

[Hecate]

Oh, I'm probably very unreasonable to be pissed off. I suppose people are trying to show they know something, or are interested/supportive/something, I dunno. I should be more forgiving, shouldn't I?

Anyway, to save me starting a new thread....

AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

ds2 is screaming the place down because ds1 has gone swimming. ds1 didn't want to go (he wanted to stay and play on his wii) so he apparently told ds2 that he could go instead. Cue ds2 getting his shoes on.

dh comes in, ds1 tells him he told ds2 he could go. dh says NO no no no no, because ds1 is only doing it in order to remain glued to the wii (he's a bit obsessed with it ) Dh says ds1 must go swimming. Ds1 starts yelling that he doesn't want to.

ds2 realises he is NOT now going, and he screams. Both kids are now screaming. ds1 is going and doesn't want to, ds2 is staying and wants to go. (Still with me?)

DH has 'put his foot down' because if he allows it, it's allowing ds1 to remain glued to the wii (and he is trying to get out of doing ANYTHING that takes him away from it!) and it passes the message to ds2 that screaming will get him his own way!

I asked dh if it really mattered who went, apparently it does because we can't allow ds1 to be ruled by the wii and we can't allow ds2 to think screaming gets rewarded and I should know it (I do.) and off he went, with ds1, and slammed the door behind him. I'm left with tinnitus.

Oh happy day, Oh happy day-ay...

[Seuss]

Oh poor you! We just had similar - dh walked in from work just as ds1&ds2 were trying to put very sticky discs in the wii - cue lecture on not spilling drinks on discs,not stepping on discs and not putting sticky,knackered discs in the wii. DD then kicked off because she didn't want to play wii blah blah blah.

Joy!

[Hecate]

I know. Kids! How any parent gets through the day without rattling them.... Is it wine o'clock yet?

[Seuss]

LOL - 'wine o'clock! You just read my mind!

[Hecate]

bottoms up!

2 new times I have learned since I joined MN.

'wine o'clock'
and
'silly o'clock' (that time on a weekend morning that the kids come in and leap on you!)

[Flamesparrow]

The community paed we saw would get on with these people.

I went about AS.

DD is apparently not "autistic" because she will make eye contact (I never said she was autistic).

Also, according to paed extraordinaire, there is no way to tell if she has AS until she is at least 7 and has a full grasp of language and its nuances

I think he had a checklist - eye contact - check, language ability - ignore until x age, anything mother has concerns about - brush under carpet and say it is all a normal child thing.

Sorry - that wasn't very relevant, but still irked! I get to see him again in August!

[bullet123]

I flap my hands and twist my fingers about.
I spend 50% of my time (roughly you understand, I'm not that precise ) daydreaming about historical scenarios.
I do not notice a lot of what is going on around me unless I deliberately concentrate or if I am interested in it. I will miss loud shouting arguments, or people walking past me and saying "hello" a lot of the time.
I have very good receptive language most of the time but struggle to get the words out, especially to initiate talking. This doesn't just mean struggling with social chitchat, it means being unable to ask for a drink, to tell someone if I'm in pain (I went for two weeks with a bad headache once), to let someone know if I am getting stressed or overloaded.
I do not socialise well. I do not phone people up for a chat or to meet up with them.
Am probably hypersensitive to many things.

Ds1:

Is hyperverbal, but has disordered and delayed language skills.
Loves giving his younger brother big bear hugs and forehead kisses, running around and laughing, approaching adults to clamber onto their laps and pull at their hair and touch their faces.
Is probably hyposensitive.
Loves spinning and jumping and crashign into things.

We both:

Have a need for things to be the same, though I tolerate changes more easily.
Have obsessions which take up a significant part of our day to day lives
Engage in repetitive behaviour, Ds1 more than me.
Seem to prefer seeing the world in little bits. I focus on small details in front of me, Ds1 loves looking through the viewfinder of the camera or through binoculars and loves tracing the numbers and letters on shop windows.

We are both on the spectrum.

[Seuss]

I hate it when this woman I know insists my ds1 give her a kiss goodbye because she thinks she is helping him because he can't be affectionate due to being autistic. When in actual fact the main reason ds1 doesn't want to kiss her goodbye is the same reason my other dc's don't want to kiss her goodbye either - she just isn't particularly nice to kids and they don't like her. Shouldn't bitch but it has been bugging me for some time.

[Seuss]

Very well illustrated Bullet - and thanks for some insight!

[drowninginlaundry]

on walking into the appointment room before SALT has even had a chance to spend 2 seconds with DS1: 'ooooh he's such a visual learner' [said in a sing-song patronising tone]

if I could get a pound every time someone goes on about him being a visual learner...

[sphil]

Snap DIL!

[nikos]

But until I lived with a child with a communication disorder, I wouldn't have known that ASD presents in so many different ways. People won't know unless we try and explain it to them.
I get much more angry, nay furious, with people who judge us as parents and think the children need more discipline. That is a much more inexcusable and arrogant thing I think.

[bullet123]

Ohhhh yes, the discipline thing . I tell you what, perhaps if I give Ds1 a few clips round the ear, that'll sort out his auditory processing difficulties .
That was a joke btw!

[nannynick]

oh yes... they are all individuals and even when you have two in one family, they are so different to each other. Some I relate well with, others I can't communicate with at all (don't take those one's on).
The colour thread I started today has proved your point Hecate... some children with autism are affected by colour, the colour can vary, while other children are not bothered.

No idea how you should respond to the comment Hecate. I rarely get any comments at all... mind you, could be due to me being a carer, and a bloke.

[BeautifulSpectrum]

Perhapes the word 'Spectrum' needs to be emphasized.

[nannynick]

good point nikos... if people have only ever met one child with autism, they may think that all children with autism are like that. It's only when you have met quite a few that you realise that they are all different.

[BeautifulSpectrum]

nannynick - yes this is very common, if a person meets the high functing autistic they will think all autistic children are like that and the same with the severely autistic child. i have come across this often. When i told me brother my dd was autistic he said 'oh thats good, shes going to be really brainy'....he couldnt be more wrong she is severe autistic. But my brother had only heard of the savants!

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

I overheard a researcher at a conference saying to someone "I had no idea that some autistic children can't speak at all'

[BeautifulSpectrum]

What were they researching jimjam? not autism i hope!!

[drowninginlaundry]

nannynick exactly - the whole sensory processing issue makes it even more multi-dimensional than a linear spectrum would be.

Eg. all autistic children are supposed to be very sensitive to loud noises and bright lights. Except DS1. His sensory integration problems are at the other end of the scale - he is actually sensory seeking which means that he absolutely craves input.

Get this - we went to Camp Bestival last weekend, in a camper van, with DS1 (ASD - def not mild) and DS2 (NT). DS1 was out with us listening to the bands and was positively euphoric watching the colourful flags, the lights, the people. Was not bothered at all by the music and fell asleep to a thumping bassline rattling the camper van. . It baffles me, it really does.