I hate the bastards. Ours have just cut our respite despite the review showing dd's needs are higher, and despite the fact we scored a lot higher this time round than last time. And because I dared to lose my temper with the woman I am described as 'emotionally volatile' in the review. I have got the review as an email and am sending it on the local MP, Cameron and Brown. (Yes, this is getting personal!)
Don't mean to highjack your post, just trying to say I agree with you, and am sending some internet support. For what it's worth.
Fuck em. I hate them. (And I am usually quite rational and not so reactionary.....!)
I had very limited contact with SS (and certainly no help!) but I found the best policy was to tell them as little as possible about our private arrangements. Unfortunately, most parents probably do the same- which perhaps means they don't learn enough about the parameters of normal parental behaviour.
This is terrible but it sadly fits my own experience of SS and (some) SWs. You cannot win with some of their assessments: appear too 'on top of things' and you'll receive a report that states, 'house appeared to be in good order'; but get angry and you'll be asked whether you've been prescribed anti-ds or thought about going for counselling.
The main objective with SS/SWs is to preserve their budgets at all costs.
Although they know that we are reliant upon them for obtaining help, they are simply not there when the going gets tough and it all kicks off. It's so easy for them to walk into our lives for an hour or so, espouse the latest theory and then walk away again.
And I wonder whether their concern about your sleeping arrangements is just them being worried that your dh may up and leave - which they envisage would lead to you asking for more help! Talk about covering all the bases.
I sleep withany of mine as needs be, Sam is twice your dd's age and we only started to get him out when baby came, I have no issues with that, it calmed him at school, as he was sleeping better. Win-win