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Does anyone ever wish people knew their child has AS?

(13 Posts)
sasquatch Sat 05-Jul-08 17:24:22

I am having conflicting feelings here, at school another parent who was standing near me and ds says;"ds, why are you stamping your feet like a spoilt baby [or brat, I think I tuned out then]?"
This also happened earlier in the week when ds was confusing his words and not expressing what he wanted to say, on that occassion I stepped in and said "he sometimes uses the wrong words for things", and it was enough.

I have noticed both these were parents, children dont notice or care so much. Ds is 13 and only dx'd last year, he would die if I started saying to people its because of his dx. And these friends we have known each other all for years, I have only told one other parent at school.

Some times i feel the need to explain his behaviour because it looks like otherwise a reflection on my bringing him up. Other times I just want to tell school or areas where it would affect his learning experience, and let him get on with trying to socialise.

Hope this is making some sense. I just found myself wishing I could shut this woman up, but at the same time wanting to do what ds wanted [not say anything].

TheodoresMummy Sat 05-Jul-08 18:43:28

Gosh that's tricky for you mainly because your DS is older and doesn't want people to know about his DX.

I tell people about my DS's DX (AS) if I think it will help people see why he behaves as he does. But he's 4.6 so not a problem.

Quite rude of the woman to speak to him that way tho hmm.

sasquatch Sun 06-Jul-08 11:49:16

You're right it is really tricky, I guess that is one of the difficulties that come with a late dx. That and people saying "are you sure?" when you tell them!

Yes the woman is just a big mouth and it was a rude thing to say to anyone, so I suppose it is best to ignore her.

Thanks

Flamesparrow Sun 06-Jul-08 11:58:59

Oh I have sod all advice

I have a "friend" who get stroppy about DD being "rude" and not saying hello to her. I have explained that she is most likely AS, but without an actual diagnosis (or I think probably even with a dx she would be the kind of person who thinks ADHD kids just need firmer parents) she just looks at me like I am making excuses for my crappy parenting. hmm

If your son doesn't want friends etc to know, then I would say go with it - you know it isn't your parenting, and at the end of the day, they can judge all they like (you know from MN, women will judge anything).

School though - I think you should tell. We only realised with my sister when she was late 20s, she spent her whole school life with teachers etc thinking she had an "attitude problem", her school life would have been much easier with a little understanding.

Buckets Sun 06-Jul-08 13:46:53

Has your DS done much research into AS himself? It might help his confidence if he learns more about it maybe? My DS is only 3 but I can imagine him in later years having no faith in my knowledge of anything, he is very confident in his own superior intellect!smile

Tclanger Sun 06-Jul-08 15:29:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luckylady74 Sun 06-Jul-08 21:09:42

The school would be most concerned to know he's got a dx and they don't know! They can give him an iep at the very least, apply for extra support, inform all his teachers so they can keep an eye on him/ allow him time outs -what ever he needs..
There are support groups online for young people to talk to each other with as I think- search these threads.
I understand you want to respect his wishes, but on the other hand you have a duty of care and that may mean informing the school. Parents on the other hand i would leave up to him.
I would like a large sign sometimes, if only to explain how well he's doing in certain situations!WE got a lot of riased eyebrows at the pub today about the very loud repetitive conversations/flapping/bouncing re the toilets. I have now learned to try very hard not to care- don't manage very much though!

Troutpout Sun 06-Jul-08 21:20:47

I think i'm right in reading that Sasquatch may have told the school...but doesn't always want to extend it to other areas.
I feel exactly the same Sasquatch

sasquatch Sun 06-Jul-08 23:16:02

Sorry, yes troutpout is right, I have definately told the school. I didnt word that very well. Thanks, its so good to hear someone else feels like this.

He now has an Iep, and has settled a lot more at school.

Ds has actually confided in two of his peers, but that is something only he can do, I think. I mean it's up to him. He is incredibly mature about it I think. He is also kind of pleased, to meet other people at his social skills group with As, though he says he doesnt need to go, they also say the same about themselves, which I like, the image of them regarding us as the ones who are different and they are fine.

I have to remember it's me who has the problem with loud mouth insensitive parents, not him!

JeanieG Wed 09-Jul-08 11:38:25

sasquatch-My DS is 12 and was Dx 1 year ago. He does the same thing as your DS, along with moving from side to side. He also has not told many of his friends, as the 1st friend he told asked him if he could catch it, so I think that has put him off.

Not much else to add really, other than to say that I can completely understand how annoying people can be. I feel like I am constantly explaining his behaviour to people I should ignore.

JeanieG Wed 09-Jul-08 11:42:29

Meant to add that the hello, goodbye thing drives me mad.
In our case it is the people that know DS that cannot seem to understand that he is NOT being rude by not greeting them in the way they feel he should. They make a big deal of it, which in turn embarrasses DS, which is not a nice way to make any child feel.

Sorry that was a little bit of a rant.

unfitmother Fri 11-Jul-08 18:52:01

I'm always being humiliated by DS's behaviour. He was dxd a few weeks ago with AS. We've told him but I wouldn't tell someone in front of him though have recently had to tell a couple of people.
Wouldn't fancy tellling a snotty mother in front of him, bide your time and get her when she least expects it. Preferably in a loud voice near someone else tell her how your DS was upset by her comments and could she please refrain from making them!

ICantFindAFreeNickName Sat 12-Jul-08 16:45:35

My 12 year old son is in the process of being dx. Various thingsd have been mentioned but it seems likely to be HFA / AS. For those of you who have also had a late dx can you tell me what sort of help you have got from school. My son is very academic, it's more the social side of things that is the problem. Plus all the other problems associated with high school, frequent supply teachers, forgetting where he's meant to be next lesson (the 2 week timetable is a killer for him) etc.

Although his school have been quite supportive, as he is very academic they don't really see all the problems that he has. I don't know what help I should be asking them for.

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