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Ds2 doesn't like children

(13 Posts)
meea Mon 31-Jan-05 19:15:37

Been to playgroup at the cdc this morning.His behaviour has been really strange when we are there for a few months.Today he was again refusing to sit at the table and eat with the others.
So i asked him what was wrong his reply I don't like children.Whenever anybody goes near him he gets upset and moves away from them, but he isn't like that at home with his siblings .
He seems to be withdrawing into him self and I am not sure what we should do to help him do i keep putting him in situations that distress him or should i remove him from them.
I just want to scoop him up and take him home but is that the right thing to do.
He also said this morning that he doesn't want to go to nursery because his sister isn't there any more he want's to go to school with her.He has obviously been relying on her a lot more than nursery has been letting on.

meea Tue 01-Feb-05 10:21:51

Well things got even worse this morning have just got back from nursery.All the way there he kept asking me not to take him .Got there and he started crying before we got inside.He just wouldn't stop crying and in the end had to be pulled off me so I could leave.I just want to turn round and go back for him.

flashingnose Tue 01-Feb-05 10:24:27

What do nursery say about how he is whilst he's there? And how old is he?

colditzmum Tue 01-Feb-05 10:26:46

Does he need to go? I refused to go to any playschool;s as a child, but I settled into school beautifully. I went from having no friends at all, to having loads. My mum took me to a mother and toddlers group until I was nearly 6

meea Tue 01-Feb-05 10:34:16

Not a lot of communication from nursery he is nearly 3 .If i'm lucky we get a he's been fine.
He has been at nursery since last easter and has always been fine.I think the fact that his sister has left to go to school has left him out of his depth.
I guess i feel more guilty because he doesn't have to go I sent him so that I could have time to catch up on the things I can't do when I have him at home and get some sleep.

flashingnose Tue 01-Feb-05 10:43:54

I think you need to go and quiz nursery on what is happening, or make arrangements to go and visit and see for yourself (without him seeing IYKWIM). This will either reassure you that he's fine when you're gone or you will get more of a feeling for what's going wrong. He's still very little so if he does feel like the rug's been pulled out from under him by his sister leaving, that's no great surprise.

meea Tue 01-Feb-05 10:52:14

The clinical phycologist is going to observe him in nursery so hopefully that will give us some answers.
If not then I will drop in and see whats happening.

aloha Tue 01-Feb-05 11:12:12

Why a psychologist? I think it's really normal for some under threes to dislike nursery (ie leaving mum) or to be upset when their sibling leaves. My ds also told me he 'only likes big people' but now he's nearly three and a half is much more interested in interacting with other children, though I still think he prefers 'big people' like his 13 year old sister, mummy, daddy, grandma and friends of the family. If I were you I'd go and get him unexpectedly an hour earlier or something and see how he is then. He might be fine or he might not. When I did this with ds, he was looking out of the window for me and crying - so I took him out of nursery. He's now going again (just two mornings a week) and though he isn't absolutely delighted at the idea, he is perfectly happy when he is there and is getting a lot more out of it at this age than he was at two.

flashingnose Tue 01-Feb-05 11:22:30

Agree aloha, my ds always cried when I left him at nursery and they literally had to peel him off me. However, they constantly reassured me that he was fine as soon as I'd gone and indeed, if I stood behind the door, he used to stop crying within 1 minute (little sod ). But that won't be the case with all children, as you found with your ds, so in that scenario I'd have no hesitation in either changing nurseries or removing him completely and trying again in a few months.

Why is he being seen by a psychologist? Are there other concerns?

meea Tue 01-Feb-05 11:45:37

There are lots of concerns surrounding ds2 this is just the latest.He was referered to the psyc because of his horrendous sleep.He is going to observe the way he is around other children and watch how he plays with toys.
I have just phoned them and he is fine didn't cry for long.Still feel uneasy about it may go early this afternoon and see how he is.
Changing nurseries is proving difficult as we can't find anything that feels right went to look at a new one yesterday which was terrible.
What I really want is to keep him at home but because of his problems i am not sure I could cope with him without the break that nursery gives me.

flashingnose Tue 01-Feb-05 11:55:51

Good luck meea, I really hope the psychologist can come up with some answers for you.

aloha Tue 01-Feb-05 11:56:20

I see that you have other problems and I'm sorry about that. But I would say, don't assume that just because he doesn't seem to like nursery much that is part of another set of problems. Sometimes they just don't! Ds has delays in his motor skills and the community paediatrician thinks he is dyspraxic, but I also think he is just ds, and loves his home. I do hope things are OK for you. I know how awful and upsetting it is when you think your child is unhappy when he is away from you.

meea Tue 01-Feb-05 12:09:39

Hopefuly we will get some answers because at the moment it fels like my happy little boy is disapearing back into the shell that it took us so long to get him out of.As a baby he was unresponsive and uninterested in what was going on around him and it feels as if he is slowly slipping back again.
Aloha completly agree about trying to see things as separate from his problems .I guess i am finding it hard to just see my son under everything else that is happening.

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