Anxiety - Mine not ds's

[anxiousmax]

I've been having an awful time recently suffering from extreme anxiety, it seems to be centred around my health.
I've been off work since it all started suddenly 2 months ago, i've been put on meds & started seeing a counsellor the DR & the Counsellor think it maybe 5 yrs of built up worry etc to do with DS2.
I thought i was fine until this suddenly hit me!

Just wondered if anyone else with an sn child has been through similar.
Thanks
Max x

[TotalChaos]

I think it's very common for parents of kids with SN to go through some sort of period of depression or anxiety. IME negotiating the "system" (health and education) is stressful in itself, over and on top of the worries about your child's difficulties. Ever since DS's SN became evident over a year ago, I've been rather preoccupied and at times worried sick - I think the only reason it hasn't turned into full blown anxiety or depression is that I was already on ADs for other reasons.

I hope that you are finding the meds and counselling helpful.

[sphil]

It happened to me just after DS2 was dx (two years ago). I was on ADs for 9 months and saw a counsellor for about a year (who was fantastic). I think with me it was the burden of responsibility for DS2 and his future which really hit me - I felt that I carried the whole weight of whether or not he made progress. I also felt guilty about his babyhood - had I done something which caused him to become autistic?

Two years on I would say I am free from it - I still get anxious at times (possibly more than the average person) but have learnt how to handle it. I found this online cognitive behavioural therapy site good: www.livinglifetothefull.com
(and it's free!). Also watching my diet has really helped - I am much more anxious in the mornings if I've had sugar and/or caffeine the night before. Exercise is also supposed to be good - though that's something I fail to do with any consistency .

I do think it's common - and natural - for parents of children with SN. Doesn't make it easier to cope with though. I do feel for you - keep on talking on here, as I found it a huge source of support.

[sphil]

link here

[anxiousmax]

Thanks for your messages & for that LINK i'll have a good look the GP suggested CBT but there is a long waiting list.
The theory is (family & GP) that because the last 5 yrs have been so busy & fraught that now that things are a little easier as DS2 is settled at school & physio, OT etc is done in school I've allowed myself to relax a little & its all catching up with me.
I just didn't see it coming so its shocked me which is why I think i was convinced there was something more serious causing me to feel so awful & it developed into a health anxiety.

I am starting to feel a little better but just want to feel like my old self again.

Thanks again for your support
Max xx

[Davros]

I don't think you realise that you are anxious/depressed until its "too late" iyswim, and it has happened. I have had a couple of bouts and realising it, acknowledging it myself helped a lot. I spoke to GP and saw Counsellor attached to GP surgery both times, almost immediately. Unfortunately the view was, and I agree with it, that it was nothing to do with how I managed or handled a situation, but that the situation was not mine to control. I found Mindfulness has helped me as well as being able to change things externally (change of school for DS) and acknowledging how and why I have felt like I did. Sadly we go through such ups and downs, far more extreme than most people, that it is probably true that we allow ourselves to react when times are more settled, therefore unsettling things!

[Arabica]

Hi, I've been very anxious and depressed since entering sn world with DD. It has got a lot worse in the last 2-3 months, as DD is well, gaining weight and generally making rapid strides with her development. Which gives me mental space to process just how tough the past 2 years have been, and how challenging the future might well be.

[Arabica]

Great link sphil!

[TotalChaos]

Although DS has been doing very well with speech and social communication the last few months, and I'm reasonably happy with his school for next year, I've been feeling quite down - so I guess it's similar to what many of you are describing - that it's when some of the worries are dealt with, you have the mindspace in a way for more general depression/anxiety to creep in.

[Seuss]

Yeah - I'd agree it's when you are more settled it all hits you. When I think back to the grim period we had around statementing time it all seems quite blurry - I read some of it the other day and was quite shocked by it! I'd say the whole family is a lot less stressed out nowadays but I still get anxious when we are about to try something new or ds exhibits some new difficult behaviour. It is a control thing for me I think.

[Arabica]

It seems parents' feelings of anxiety/depression are not taken very seriously by the health professionals around us. Nobody's ever warned me about it. Although my community midwife, on learning that she didn't need to visit me at home because I was in SCBU with DD, did offer a phone number for me to ring if I was feeling stressed and desperate. 'There won't be anyone answering it, dear, because we are short-staffed, but you can talk to our ansaphone...'

[anxiousmax]

I'm sad & pleased IYKWIM that i'm not alone.
Looking back at the last 6 months there were probabily a few warning signs - my body telling me to rest & that I was suffering from stress but I didn't recognise the signs, I put it down to other things having a busy day, work or a virus.
Hopefully once i'm back to normal i'll listen to my body in future. It seems like its taking for ever for me to get better but i guess 5 1/2 years of stress isn't going to get better over night.

We spend so long fighting for care & support for our children perhaps we forget to look after ourselves & as TC says its only when things are a little calmer we have the mindspace to even think about ourselves.

[Sidge]

I got very depressed when DD2 turned one. I think it was a combination of the 'anniversary' and like others, life became very slightly easier (still hideous but easier than the first year!) so I had time to think about how hard life was, and how it could/should have been.

I needed 6 months of happy pills and 6 or 8 sessions of counselling, which really helped.

I still have times now when I get very down, and quite anxious, and DD2 is 4.4. It doesn't help that people see me 'coping' so well, and don't know that I'm actually like a swan - serene and calm on the surface and going nineteen to the dozen underneath!

[Arabica]

Yes--the whole family unit needs looking after, including mums, dads and siblings. My DH is dealing with it all by saying little or nothing about the way he feels and taking a limited interest in DD's various appointments. This caused a lot of tension between us (I know everything in DD's medical file) until I realised that we react to it all in very different ways...

[macwoozy]

Max I didn't even acknowledge myself that I might be suffering from anxiety until I wrote my twitching thread, which you answered yourself! (I'll get back on that one later once my twitching stops) But I really do believe that after years of stress with fretting about ds and his school, future and health that the actual stress of it all might well have piled up to cause symptoms that could well be explained as stress rather than some terrible health problem. I guess that having a SN child makes us more aware of the vulnerability of our children if we were not here.

So yes I reckon that I most probably do feel like just as you describe, but I guess it's got to be the build up of continuous stress of looking after an SN child. Take care of yourself

[anxiousmax]

Same here Arabica, DH has never been to a medical appnt & thats fine like you say we all deal with things differently the only thing is my DH (until recently) didn't take on a bigger share of other stuff to compensate so it meant that I was doing it all.
The house, the bills, the kids, working & ds2s sn.

We've both realised that I can't do it all & somethings got to change, we've had a bit of a wake up!

[Arabica]

Yes, my DH could definitely do more around the house--it's been a real shake-up financially for us, as because of DD I haven't been able to take on as much work as I would have liked, so he's really the sole wage earner. He can't take time off very easily as he is a teacher, but he could take more of an interest in the appointments, I think...rather than having to get me to explain her issues whenever anyone asks how DD is doing.

[anxiousmax]

Macwoozy it was reading your twitching thread that made me think maybe its more common among sn parents & prompted me to start this thread.
Hope you are OK, give me a shout if you want a chat anytime!
Max

PS have a look at the NOMOREPANIC website it lists all the symptoms of anxiety including muscle twitches!

[macwoozy]

I'll take a look, Thanks Max