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8 yr old with problems

(20 Posts)
galaxy7 Sat 15-Jan-05 21:02:15

My friends 8 yr old boy has problems with learning ie he is in yr 4 at school and still does not know all his phonic sounds. He is in mainstrean school and goes out of class for extra help with several other children every morning for a while but that is all the extra help he gets.

He also has temper tantrums if his routine is altered at home and he is not told in advance. Last week he had his main meal at 12.00 at a friends house and then had sandwiches at teatime before they brought him home. When he got home he saw empty plates and threw himself on the floor saying where was his dinner!.

He has a older brother and a younger sister who do not have these problems

The school do not seem able to help as his behaviour at school is good.

Where should she go for advice?
Thanks in advance

galaxy7 Mon 17-Jan-05 20:03:12


Merlot Mon 17-Jan-05 20:20:17

Sorry, no experience of this, but lots of wise people around on this board who might be able to help.

Socci Mon 17-Jan-05 20:46:29

Message withdrawn

galaxy7 Mon 17-Jan-05 21:00:15

He is in his 5th yr of school and will go to secondary in 2 yrs time. His parents are really worried but the school dont really seem bothered apart from the little bit of extra help he gets.

The school do a shared reading scheme where his class helps year 1s read ie 5 + 6 yr olds but he tells his mum that most of them are on a higher reading book than him!

How would his parents go about getting him seen by an ed psyc if the school won't do anything?

Socci Mon 17-Jan-05 21:15:14

Message withdrawn

JaysMum Tue 18-Jan-05 10:28:06

Hi galaxy7,

The beahviour you explained sounds so familiar.....

If your friends boy has got learning difficulties I would tell you friend to.....
1. Ask the teacher if her child is on School Action or School Action Plus.
2. If he isnt then ask why....with a very loud voice.....if he is being removed from his classroom for sessions of small group work then he schould be on either one of the above.
3. Get Mom to ask if an IEP has been drawn up....if he is on action plus then this should have been done and she should have been at the IEP planning meeting. This IEP should be reviewed termly to check his needs are being met and that he is acheiving the targets set.
4. If all of the above has been done and the child is still not making any improvement then Mom should ask to have a meeting with the Head, Class Teacher and SENCO to discuss the child is at this stage that she should ask for her child to be assessed by an EP.
5. Following the EP assessment, if things are not good then she should request a statutory assessment of his SEN.

With regards to his behaviour....tell your friend that this is normal.
From my own experience of working with some other families with kids who have learning difficulties and my own son having them too, I have discovered that many parents report that the school say there is not a behavioural problem whilst at school.When the child gets home....all hell breaks loose!!!!

I have spent years fighting for my son's behaviour not to be labelled "naughty"....he is no angel and has his naughty moments BUT these are so different to his behaviours that are caused by his ASD and learning difficulties.
It's a struggle when your son is trying so hard to fit in and to the outside world he appears "normal"....I'm sure some of the professionals involved with us think I am a bloody liar....but time has shown that J has real problems and finally the LEA and LHA have begun to understand my child and acknowledge what I am saying.

Think of your worst come home your tired, you want to kick off your shoes, sit quiet with a cuppa and shut off for a while.
Kids with delayed learning are placed under so much pressure whilst in school.They do not want to be different to other kids so they have the added struggle of trying to conform. When they get home they are back to an environment where they feel safe and they let rip. A bit like a coiled spring tightening all day and then when home time comes the coil breaks loose.

Tell your friend to keep her chin up....she can't be doing such a bad job if her other two kids are OK....I blamed myself for years...thinking I was a crap Mom....but then someone said "well if you are so bad at parenting, how come your oldest son is a straight A pupil."

If you want I am happy for your friend to CAT me and I'll try and help her if I can....

galaxy7 Tue 18-Jan-05 20:08:09

Thanks. I'll show her this tomorrow

k33ts Thu 20-Jan-05 12:47:43

Hello i'm galaxy7 friend. Any help would be lovely. My son is on a iep. The school have always said that there isn't a problem with him behaviour wise but just before xmas his teacher saw him have a paddy when we went to our eldest xmas play and i wouldn't tell the lady in front to move his teacher said it was a real eye opener to see him like that. Every day he has a paddy and it is really getting me down.

k33ts Thu 20-Jan-05 16:45:02


Davros Thu 20-Jan-05 17:00:55

I think schools can be very complacent with children who don't have behavioural problems, even special schools. My DS has had some phases of terrible behaviour and so has had the best attention, not only from school staff but also visiting experts!! He keeps them on side with his alter ego (Jekyll/Hyde) where he is charming, affectionate and fun! The school setting is obviously more structured and controlled too so these problems can get saved up for home. Can you tell his teacher what you have told us? That he has a paddy every day and it is getting you down and you need help?

k33ts Thu 20-Jan-05 17:40:25

The teacher knows and said it's not right that a child of his age behaves like that. We're in the process of switching doctor's so i'm going to try again with them and see where we get. We can't even shop with him because he'll get on the floor and have a paddy if we won't buy him what he wants just like a toddler does. When we went on holiday in october he was a nightmare because there was no routine i was ringing my mum every day in tears.

coppertop Thu 20-Jan-05 18:36:58

I agree with the others. It sounds as though he needs to be assessed, preferably by a Dev Paed.

My ds1 has a lot of problems with routine. He used to have a lot of screaming rages and meltdowns whenever things weren't done when he expected them to be or if anything unexpected happened. The thing that made a huge difference in our day-to-day lives was using a visual timetable. The idea is that you set out (in pictures and/or words) what is going to be happening that morning/afternoon and put it where your child can see it. We keep it simple and have a strip with 4 pictures on at a time, eg Breakfast, Shop, Home, Lunch. Knowing exactly what's going to happen next can take a lot of stress and anxiety away. As it's in a visual form it is easier for a child to picture what will happen. It also gives them something to go back to during the day if they want to check what happens next. Schools tend to stick to the same routine every day so problems are less likely to have shown up there. My ds1 loves the school routine so much that he dislikes the disruption of holidays. It's impossible to provide a similar structure at home so the visual timetables are a useful way to set out the structure that you have.

k33ts Thu 20-Jan-05 19:14:35

How to i go about getting him assessed by a dev paed?

k33ts Thu 20-Jan-05 19:40:21


MeerkatsUnite Thu 20-Jan-05 21:07:52


Your GP should be able to refer you to a developmental paediatrician (this is the route I went on originally).

With best wishes


Davros Sat 22-Jan-05 13:19:47

Me too, GP to dev paed & slt at child dev centre

k33ts Tue 25-Jan-05 13:56:59

Hi just to let you know got appointment with ds teacher and senco next weds taking galaxy7 and were going to look at all his records while he's been at school, then we're off to the doctor's.

k33ts Sun 06-Feb-05 17:57:31

Hi just to let you know had meeting with school who said ds has got problems took him to new doctors next day and she has referred him to a child psyciatrist! At last i feel i'm getting help. Will let you know how we get on.

paulak33ts Sat 30-Apr-05 08:04:33

Hello i've added a bit to my name i was k33ts just to let you know ds has been assesed and he is dyspaxic does anyone know what happens now?

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