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anyone else think like this........???

(10 Posts)
anniebear Tue 04-Jan-05 15:56:53

Was talking to a family memeber the other day, only see her couple times a year, she has two young NT boys.

We were talking about what hard work it is bringing the kids up and I said it's hard sometimes not having a break from them and she said "oh I know, awful isnt it, I go to work, or if I am not in work only *** is in Nursery so I still have to look after ***"

I am sitting there thinking, yes, you get to work a few days, that is a break!!! and yes, your children are both healthy with no special needs.

The other week somebody said about the lack of sleep as their ((NT) child doesn't sleep well. The child was a 10 month old baby and again I thought " my child is 3 and a half year old twin and doesn't sleep!!

I know it sounds awful but do you think there comes a time that when other people say to you how tough things are (when compared to your own theirs seems great!!) and you dont sit there thinking "what would you know"?

Obviously I wouldnt say it to them but I do think it every time.

I just end up thinking how selfish I am, I do listen to other peoples moans!! and am a good listener but it is hard when you wish you were in the other persons position.

Hope I don't sound too horrible!!! and have made sense!

This is now were you tell me that you also think like that and it's not just me!!!!!!!!!

Mum2girls Tue 04-Jan-05 16:01:27

It's all relative tho, isn't it? My mum died when I was 19 and when I hear much older women telling me their parent has died, a small part of me thinks yeah well at least she saw her grandchildren!!

Then something like Tsunami happens and that put ALL our problems in the shade.....

anniebear Tue 04-Jan-05 16:05:36

I know everyones problems are bad to them, however small or big they compare to others.

I know that there are a lot more people that are worse off than me and my family.

Twiglett Tue 04-Jan-05 16:08:54

I completely empathise with how you feel

I have 2 NT children but DH has problems with quite degenerative forms of arthritis and I can actually get annoyed and jealous when people start on about how hard their lives are when I can't perceive any problems

but then again that's it .. its my perception .. most people we know just think DH has a bit of a limp .. and Anniebear if you met me and my children and DH in a good phase (which thankfully he's been in for a while now) you would probably think we had it easy and had no right to ever complain .. because you wouldn't be there when he can't pick himself up off the floor or can't hold a toothbrush let alone manage to brush his teeth with one

So even though I don't manage to do it ever I'd like to be able to stop envying others, or belittling their problems .. .. you never know what goes on behind their front doors

Twiglett Tue 04-Jan-05 16:09:09

I just rambled .. sorry

anniebear Tue 04-Jan-05 17:00:31

Know what you mean Twiglett...

was onol thinking when I came away from the family get together we had been to that as Ellie had been brilliant that no body would have actually apreciated what hard work she can be

Maybe people don't se her disabilities as much as I do so they will tell me their problems because they don't see how bad ours can be, if that makes sense!!

Which I supose is a good thing if you see what I mean!!!

JaysMum Tue 04-Jan-05 19:28:24

I know exactly what you mean.....
My mate came round today to drop off my oldest boys birthday pressies....I didn't know she was coming....when she arrived I was still in my Pj' tied up in a makeup on..sat on the utility floor cleaning up the fabric softener J had spilt everywhere...and still on my knees from the lack of sleep I've been having lately.
Bless her she made no comment on how trashed I looked....but did sit and moan about how her little one had woken her up at midnight crying because he is teeting...she sorted him out and got back to sleep by 12.30. She then complained about how difficult it is when he wakes up because she needs her sleep to be unbroken. I asked her how often he wakes in the night...she replied "Oh last night was the first time...."

I nearly choked on my coffee!!!!

Just wonder how she would cope surviving on the 3 hours sleep a night I've been having lately!!!!

Donbean Tue 04-Jan-05 19:42:50

While i appreciate what you are all saying, and i do think that you have got a point i also think that those people who seemingly think that thier problems are bad would be mortified if they knew what you were thinking and saying.
I only say this as it was bought home to me a few months ago.
Recently my dad was complaining about his girlfriend having to stay in hospital for 5 days altogether when she had thier baby. Im afraid i got really cross with him. (he is a very insular self centred person normally) and i said something along the lines of "oh stop moaning, i was in for 3 weeks when i had J". He looked genuinely shocked and stunned and said to me with a stutter, "oh,im sorry i hadnt realised you were in that long. I sometimes dont realise that there are people worse off than me". Now that really shocked me that he was acknowledging what i was saying as i thought he would want a row with me. He genuinely was just saying stuff to make conversation and had not realised that i was upset by him.
It is something that i am very aware of when i speak to people so i am always very guarded in what i say as i dont want to come across how my dad does. DYSWIM?

Davrosthesnowwoman Tue 04-Jan-05 20:24:39

I know exactly what you mean! But moaners are moaners whatever their situation. I don't envy other people, I think we do pretty well with our situation but I have been deeply upset by having to listen to drivel about someone else's situation third hand, "... they've got this illness, they've got a child with X...." blah blah and I'm sitting there hating the fact that I'm thinking "but what about me? Haven't you noticed my situation even a little????" People are so insensitive, OK they don't mean it, boo bloody hoo!

Merlot Tue 04-Jan-05 21:50:57

Hands up here too! I have the same thoughts as well.

As I've said before ds2 is going through all sorts of tests at the moment and he is just soooo quiet and passive. A friend of mine (with 2 nt children) said, when we were discussing what a worrying time it is, `well I wouldn't knock it he looks so easy to look after, my ds was into everything!'. I could have punched her flat - couldn't she see that was exactly the whole point!!!

I suppose we just need to develop this Rhino skin that someone else mentioned in a previous post.

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