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Another moan......sorry!!

(9 Posts)
anniebear Tue 21-Dec-04 09:18:22

Going to have another moan whilst the girls are quiet watching Barney!!

I am fed up of no body taking the girls off me for a bit. They are really good for other people and are no trouble.

My Mum will have them whenever I ask, but I am not really an asker and would love not to have to ask and some one offer. Also she is getting older and also works part time so I don't like to ask too much of her.

It's worse at the mo because it's School holidays. My older Sister doesn't work and cannot bring herself to say "go on have a break" as you will have read from my last post, she never has done.

I am close to my Sister, I don't know what it is. I could tell you load of things over the last three years. It is almost like she is jealous. Not of me having a sn child but I think of all the attention that comes with it and of course all the benefits.

I know that sounds really stupid but she doesn't see why we should get money, didn't comment when we got our disabled space outside. Just loads of things.

Also when we go anywhere its always my girls that get asked about, particularly Ellie and always how me and my Husband are.

Other people have suggested that it's jealousy, not just me!! It does seem to make sense.

But it is not my fault. I would give all the benefits back, the parking space and the attention if I were to have Ellie back as she should be. I'd give anything.

I don't understand, I have twins and one has sn, doesn't that make her think "I should give Ang a break"? I had her Daughter lots of times when she was younger.

She loves my girls and is really good with them.

Dh says its just selfishness.

I sat here crying before (Ellie has a cough and runny nose so all our plans are out of the window which is why I am having even more of a moan!!) thinking is it me.

I am sure that if one of my Sisters was in my position and I didn't work I would give her a break.

Oh well, another moan......tis the season to be jolly!!!!!!!!

Sorry and thanks for listening, unless you have fallen asleep!!

JakBFrostNippingatYourtoes Tue 21-Dec-04 09:58:58

anniebear, ah poor you honey, you sound really down at the moment. I don't think anybody can REALLY appreciate what it's like to have a child with special needs unless they are in that situation. It's the same with so many things in life. My neighbour and really good friend has had a really difficult year (her husband has had cancer) and we have discussed how we've both been through tough times and neither of us know exactly what the other is going through, although we can empathise. Make sense? Do you tell your sister how you're feeling? If she knew you were feeling down maybe she would be more supportive? I dunno, I'm no expert on families, been on here ranting about mine many a time. But maybe if you are a 'coper' she just doesn't realise how much you need a break? The jealousy thing is an odd, odd one. She should try life in your shoes for one day and maybe she wouldn't be envious of your disabled space etc.
Sending big hugs {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Christie Tue 21-Dec-04 10:02:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantaFio2 Tue 21-Dec-04 10:03:33


anniebear Tue 21-Dec-04 10:43:09

I know what you mean and thanks for your replies.

She really isn't scared of being with Ellie.
Ellie is 3 but it is just like looking after a younger child, My Sister knows this.

Can't explain it well. Ellie doesn't have medical problems that she would have to deal with. She does nothing that would be strange or awkward for my Sister to deal with. She sees Ellie lots and Grace and knows them both really well and can easily look after them. But just doesn't want to give any time to helping me.

My Mum and Dad would agree with me, they don't understand why she doesn't offer. My Dad says we all have our faults and one of hers is being selfish.

She has quite am easy life to say the least!!! She knows I am stressed but she is not the type you would really tell how you are feeling to!!

I shall go away now and think of a positive thread!!! You must all think I never laugh!!!

terryschonkyorange Tue 21-Dec-04 10:52:03

Oh Anniebear, really sorry to hear you're feeling down. As JB says I think it is probably really difficult for others to know fully what it's like looking after a child with SN. My mum is a great help to us, yet she admits that she is scared of taking dd on her own for a weekend, so there may be an element of that with your family, I don't know.

What's helped me keep my head above water is being able to go to a local charity for SN kids during the day where I can meet other mums, but also get some respite in the sense that coping with dd seems a whole lot easier when there are plenty of distractions for the both of us. Are you able to get a break in the evening when your dh/dp comes home? Again, I've found that that has really helped me just to get my breath back.

Have you thought about getting Homestart? They don't operate where I live, but may well do where you are which again could offer you a bit of a breather.

Sorry if you've thought of all of this stuff already, I'll quit rambling. Having read your other thread I'd really push for the counselling, I think if you get the right person to counsel you it can be a really beneficial experience (unlike my fishface counsellor!).

Hugs to you - and remember we're here to listen.

terryschonkyorange Tue 21-Dec-04 10:53:47

Sorry, a bit of a cross-post!

terryschonkyorange Tue 21-Dec-04 10:53:47

Sorry, a bit of a cross-post!

whitepixmas Tue 21-Dec-04 12:25:07

I know EXACTLY what you mean Anniebear about not wanting to have to ask all the time. It is the same with my family. Dh and I don't go out very often but I dread having to ask my sister to babysit, not because she might refuse but because I am expected to be so pathetically grateful! She says things like "I don't know how you cope" when ds is clambering about all over the place, and when I was being a bit wistful over the fact that we probably won't be having any more children she said "haven't you got enough on your plate?". Still never offers to help though!

My family has, on rare occasions, taken dd out but they always have a excuse why they can't take ds and they have NEVER taken both children together, not even for a play in the park. The thing is, they are the only grandchildren, so I expected everyone to be a bit more 'doting'!

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