Sorry, am having a moan again!!! Two in one day!!!
Went to my Daughter Grace's nativity at her Sunday School yesterday. We had to leave Ellie at home with my Mum as she wouldn't have sat still or kept quiet.
As Grace walked in looking gorgeous dressed as a star I welled up and had to hide my tears behind my hair.
But it wasn't because I was so proud (although I was very much!) or because she looked so cute (she did!!) it was because I was thinking "Ellie should be sitting next to her, we should have had our twin girls both dressed as stars"
I am just finding things really hard. I always have mixed feelings posting on here when I am down, I think, well at least you all understand, but I feel bad as many of you have lots of upsets and stress. So I am sorry if I sound too sorry for myself.
I just want to be able to enjoy both my girls. I know they are individuals and would have been different anyway, but they are still twins and I feel so robbed of so many things they would and should have done together.
Still feel like I am grieving almost, but it has now been 2yrs and 8 months since she was ill.
I know I have moved on some what and don't cry every day like I used to but I still get so down and upset.
I know counselling has been discussed recently, do you think that may help?
I was on the verge of going to the Doctors about 5 weeks ago as I had felt really down, worse than usual and was crying lots but I have been ok since. But then I go to the nativity and cry. Went to our special needs toy Library party last Thursday and had to come out because I was in tears as my two seem the only ones who couldn't sit still, and that was in a special needs group!!
I am beginning to feel that going to certain places is beginning to get really hard because of Ellie.
I just really want to be able to enjoy being a parent, they start School full time in September and I feel like I have missed out on so much because I am always thinking "what should have been"
Sorry to waffle on, I have to tell somebody!!!!
Thanks for listening
Angie
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
upset again.........
10 replies
anniebear · 20/12/2004 22:04
OP posts:
Socci ·
21/12/2004 01:16
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.