dd with possible aspergers - toilet training

[knat]

dd has never been good at toilet training - will never say she needs to go - so ismore my initiation than hers. about 4 weeks ago we had a break through and for about 3 weeks she started saying she needed to go and would actually come and find us to tell us she needed to go. However now we're back to square one and actually she's having a few accidents. Any ideas or suggestions to help this please? I am worried as she starts school in September and i thought we were going to be ok but now i'm not so sure! (she's being assesed at the moment and is on teh autistic spectrum but they are defining where - possibly and most likely aspergers)

[ancientmiddleagedmum]

I taught my ASD DS to use the toilet and I can tell you how I did it, but it was hard work and my heart goes out to you. What I did was this: a) put him on the loo on one of those kids' loo seats every time you're running the bath, let him sit there, put posters on the wall, give him books, make the loo a "desination of choice " for your DD b) start saying wee-wee while DD on loo, and look all excited and encourage it (nb my DS was non-verbal at the time so this bit might be different for you as your DD is verbal) c) if any wee or poo ever goes in the loo, give the most massive amounts of praise immediately and also pop a choc in her mouth, so she gets the immediate reward effect d) do this again and again, every night, and leave her loo seat on so she knows it's her space
e) predict when she needs a poo or wee (I reckoned after a meal for the former and 2 hours after a drink for wee) and put her on the loo up to an hour before, with books etc. It sounds harsh, but I would keep my DS on there for a long time, till he really had to do the poo. Then chocs again.
f) one day, after a few months of this, he did his business in the loo and waved the choc away, as if to say I don't need that now mum.

The other side of the coin, which not everyone will agree with, but which I did via my ABA program, is that whenever he had an accident I took him upstairs and gave him a full bath/shower. I also got angry at him, which I know is not what the experts say, but it worked for my DS as he likes my happy face not my angry one! He found this all a pain, and it was a big pain for me, but I had to show him it's not on - for his dignity as well as my sanity.

Two years on, cross fingers, he is better than his NF sisters at using the loo (though I still do his wiping, must admit) He has also just started asking for the loo, in his sweet little word "weetoi" - which means wee on toilet!

Good luck Knat, I hope something in here is of use, though of course every child is so different.

[knat]

thanks. I think dd knows she has to go as today i wen tup to her and she said no she was fine (i hadnt said anything) i said what do you mean and she said i dont need the toilet (she had already had an accident). i do reward and i think she does have an idea that she has to go (obviously since she can do it) but she just seems to have lapsed for some reason. i tell her i will be cross if she does it in her pants and she says sorry. I agree about the angry face i think it does work better.

Thanks for the advice

[TotalChaos]

might be worth getting her wee tested just in case she has a slight water infection. otherwise - keep on nagging regularly to prompt her to use the loo, I always find chocolate works wonders if bribery is needed.

[twocutedarlings]

Hi Knat,

My DD who is 5 and has AS, had similar issues. I think its quite common at your DDs age, with or without SNs tbh. i think as they get more confident with toileting. With DD we just went back to square one and made her sit on the loo/potty very frequently.

Try not to worry about toileting issues at school lots of children have accident when they first start school. My DD started in sept last year and had lots of accidents (2/3 per wk) for the first term, but so far since xmas she hasnt had any.

[coppertop]

My ds1 still has accidents despite coming out of daytime nappies 3 years ago. I find that it can be more frequent when they are busy concentrating on something else and either forget or just don't notice. Regular reminders seem to work better. "Time to go to the toilet" is better than "Do you want to go?" as it takes away the element of choice.

[knat]

i suppose its that generally its accidents or i take her. i appreciate the element of not wanting to go because it means stopping what they're doing. DD is 4.4 and her peers all are toilet trained and take themselves to the toilet - dd just doesn't do that. I attribute this to her possible AS but just wondered if there were any other tips to help her