Advice needed: Moving house and Area with ASD DS who HATES change

(11 Posts)
SilverLiningSearching Tue 20-Apr-21 23:30:34

We are currently living in a cramped flat and have the opportunity of moving to a house, with a garden in a nice area. We would still be in the same city and DS ( 11 yrs) wouldn’t have to change school.

But DS struggles with change massively, even having a different breakfast puts him in a temper. He likes the area we live but there is no way I could afford a house in our current area.

I can’t carry on living in our cramped flat, we are on top off each other all the time and hate not having a garden. I’m sure he would like the house/ area eventually, but fear I could be in for a hellish few weeks before/during/ after the move.

Has anyone has been through similar? Any advice greatly appreciated.

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PickAChew Tue 20-Apr-21 23:39:37

Both of our kids are very autistic and (might be trickier atm) took them to all viewings and showed lots of pictures. Ds2 declared this a "do like to be beside the seaside" house and was overjoyed to be brought home from school to it, one day. Ds1 is a lot more aware and we shared the brochures and discussed with him how he could fit into each house - bedroom, quiet space, nearest pokestops (oh yes!) etc.

SilverLiningSearching Tue 20-Apr-21 23:51:25

@PickAChewIt I think showing lots of pictures/planning is a good idea, the house is far better than where we are currently.

However, would be easier if he wasn’t quite so fixated on the area we live in now.
I have taken him in viewings of other properties previously and it hasn’t gone well.

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PickAChew Wed 21-Apr-21 00:04:37

You might have a very slow sticking plaster to pull off, then. You'll get a good 3 months to get him hooked into a new area. We had many of ds2's favourite things ready and waiting for him, so he soon had lego tyres and "China trees" lined up. The only unachievable one was having his tablet good to go as we didn't even have a working phone line, never mind Internet.

SilverLiningSearching Wed 21-Apr-21 08:30:46

@PickAChew yes I think I will be earning another medal with the whole operation!

He loves trampolines, so I could have one in the garden waiting for him. I feel like I have to ‘sell’ the concept of moving to the new house to him.

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Ericaequites Wed 21-Apr-21 23:36:16

Telling him he can have his own trampoline at the new place might help change his attitude. I shouldn’t talk, as I don’t like change either.

TiredSENmum Thu 22-Apr-21 06:45:03

My son struggled to view other houses as he found it confusing. Once we found the house we visited as many times as we could under the excuse of measuring windows, space for furniture etc. I also bought him a cake/lolly/sweets on each visit. We kept all of his same furniture/bedding etc. I kept the children out of the way on moving day and friends and family helped my husband unpack and sort. We arrived when it was as calm as we could make it. A trampoline will help. Especially if they owners would let you build it before move day. As for a different area, that took more time but Pokemon Go helped! Good luck.

SilverLiningSearching Thu 22-Apr-21 08:48:15

Yes the last time DS visited a property with me he kept trying to jump on the Vendors bed, and was caught rummaging in their laundry basketblush

The property is vacant possession thankfully, so brill idea @TiredSENmum with the spurious visits to get him used to the house. It should make it easier to pre install the trampoline too.

I am a single parent which makes the load heavier to carry, but I will definitely rally my troops to assist on move day, DS would have to be out the way.

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FeelinHappy Thu 22-Apr-21 12:31:21

Lots of good advice given already. Lots of time, and depending on his level of insight you could be quite explicit with him that he knows change is difficult because of his autism but we will manage that with mitigations xyz, and in the long term it will be better, not just ok. Assuming he has a good level of trust in you, ask him to trust you that you have weighed it all up and you are certain that it is in his best interests and he will be happier in the new house.

Seeing the old house changing, getting disordered and "losing" things into taped up boxes can be quite distressing. We limited this by doing it all at once, quickly and keeping DC away so they never saw it, but that might not work for you.

And I think you are top of this but be really explicit about when things will happen. My child rejected his brand new, expensively furnished room because I hadn't yet put a curtain up to make a den under his high bed. Make sure he is not expecting a trampoline on day 1 unless you will 100% provide it.

PickAChew Thu 22-Apr-21 13:24:16

TiredSENmum

My son struggled to view other houses as he found it confusing. Once we found the house we visited as many times as we could under the excuse of measuring windows, space for furniture etc. I also bought him a cake/lolly/sweets on each visit. We kept all of his same furniture/bedding etc. I kept the children out of the way on moving day and friends and family helped my husband unpack and sort. We arrived when it was as calm as we could make it. A trampoline will help. Especially if they owners would let you build it before move day. As for a different area, that took more time but Pokemon Go helped! Good luck.

Funny you should mention pokemon go - our house is almost in range of a pokestop!

SilverLiningSearching Thu 22-Apr-21 18:29:08

@FeelinHappy , thank you. Yes he does thankfully have faith in me, I think he would believe me that it would be change for the better, but he will still be anxious about the unfamiliarity of it all.
Completely agree that not to promise something unless you know 100% you can deliver.
The packing etc is going to be like a military operation to minimise disruption! The devil is in the detail I think.
Unfortunately he isint into Pokemon. It’s all football with him.

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