(4 Posts)
Blossomplease6 Sun 11-Apr-21 10:22:35

Can anyone tell me more about this. Real life examples? I’ve come across it a bit and I think some of the parent tactics work better with my son but I don’t actually think he has it. I try not to ‘demand’ but instead ask and encourage and he is often ok with general demands.
Getting dressed for example is often an issue, but not due to the demand, more not being able to focus on it and it taking ages.
What I have noticed is how much he struggles with being told no. Sometimes he’ll tolerate it and accept it no bother but often he’ll either argue, bargain, meltdown ect. Lots of “it’s not fair” and comparing to others. Expects to be allowed to do what other people do, including me. Feels very hard done by “hates his life”. Very hard because if I let him do something once he’ll expect it every time. Computer games are one major issue but it effects everything else too.

OP’s posts: |
MrsDuBeke Sun 11-Apr-21 16:04:53

How old is your DC? My DS is 5.5 and gas a pda profile. Everything can be taken as a demand. Instead of get dresses we have to kay clothes out and tell him they're there, we do things at set times so he knows when he has to do things by, it's like walking on eggshells a lot but we're finding our own way. My SIL and friends with NT kids think we are way too soft, not enough boundaries etc, but we do have boundaries based in safe and unsafe instead of yes and no. If we say no, DS needs to have a good reason, and yes he also expects to be able to do things everyone else can do. He has no inherent respect for authority because he thinks that we are all equal. I say no we can't do this because it is not safe and, if we stay safe, we can have a treat. Star charts work sometimes. He has a sweets pot (just a few) every day after school regardless of how school went because he tried his best that day. We started this after huge anger and anxiety meltdowns last year. You need to take the power and control out of an argument and bring it back to keeping safe. Put things away, eg sweets that aren't for now. Say if it's cold outside, model getting a jumper and say out loud 'ooh I'm chly, I might get my jumper' instead of telling them to put the jumper on. It takes so much patience and sometimes I forget, which doesn't end well. I found the PDA Society to be incredibly helpful.

niceupthedance Sun 11-Apr-21 18:12:56

Similar to above, DS has no understanding of hierarchy and thinks adults and children are equals, hence the world is very unfair. (He's said parents telling children what to do is "child abuse".)

Where pp has safe/unsafe, we have things that are 'unacceptable' which often works, it's quite ambiguous who is making the rule, and is not me saying no.

We also do the laying clothes out, to hurry up I might say oh looks like we might be late etc. Bath time is the WORST in our house, but that's due to anxiety/sensory and me having to tell him what to do as otherwise he won't have a wash or wash his hair . It's been a long learning process and sometimes I just say no! Because I said so! Like everyone else 😂

Ilovechoc12 Sun 11-Apr-21 22:51:16

PDA is very difficult..... the child needs full control and anxiety at maximum. Is your child anxious or not? Will he go outside to a park? Maybe he could have “ODD” if he is not anxious.

Generally no socialising, no play dates, no exciting children’s parties - lucky to leave the house !!!! It’s a massive fear the world outside and people.

Everything is boring - sleep in boring why should I do it? Just sleep only when I’m tired not everyday. Everything is incredibly hard work.

School is boring and refuse to do work.
Can’t walk as my legs don’t work

Everything is a struggle, meltdowns last over a hr or 2/3 hrs of real crying and uncontrollable......

No bribes, no star charts , no money - nothing works a PDA child will only do something if they WANT to


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