Parenting ADHD child - I'm exhausted - anyone else?

[thinkingaloud123]

Love my son but parenting him is absolutely exhausting. If I'm ever not "on it" - calm, clear, specific (or actually even if I am) then we risk explosions and drama. His highs and lows mean I'm constantly mopping up issues in his wake. I've just had enough.

Anyone else feel this way? I think I just need a bit of a moan and a bit of support tonight and then, of course, I'll be back there tomorrow morning calmly making sure he remembers everything and gets out on his merry way.

P.S. First ever post, please be gentle.

[sapphire777]

Hiya! I literally just came to post the same thing. I've got two boys, 5 & 2 yos. Both autistic, both ADHD, both with severe anxiety. I'm starting to fall apart. My husband also autistic and adhd, severe depression. I'm struggling to manage it all and make time for myself. Self care, what a joke hey!

[Squeaky76]

I'm with you. I feel like this constantly at the moment. My son is 13. He came home yesterday demanding that he had to make Macaroni Cheese for food tech. We did great with the swiss roll in lockdown (until he added a nutella filling, urgh!), but time was great then as I was furloughed. Last night was everybody rushing in at same time, only the son liking macaroni cheese so pizzas bought for rest of us. Evenings just disappear in the blink of an eye. Partner chirps up, you've been promising to make it for 2 weeks (quickly check homework planner), no I've been promising less then a week. Very unsupportive other half who is quick to point all blame my way. Weekend hasn't been great for me, I've had 2 hospital appointments, and a couple of online zoom courses. I feel drained.
We made it! Butter rescued from nearly dropping on the floor, Flour all down his school jumper, (would he take it off? Would he wear an apron like at school? You know the answer!) wearing with white flour handprints today to prove he made it. Photo on phone to upload to google classrooms and show miss and a portion of Mac cheese in fridge to shut him up with 'What's for tea?' tonight.
Quote of the evening 'Mum why don't you just stir this for the needed 10 mins and I will go and have a round on Fortnite!' This kid gets star chef most baking sessions at school!!!!

[sapphire777]

I'm actually so terrified of the tween and teenage years. My almost 6yo is PDA so he's soooooo demand avoidant. I want to support him but it's going to be a wild ride

[Squeaky76]

ADHD and puberty, I'm a shivering wreck!!!

[thinkingaloud123]

Yes @Squeaky76 - that's exactly where I am - one minute its the most exciting and interesting thing every, with 47 things to tell me about it and show me and run around the garden and, by the way, did you know about....?! The next minute it's tears and everyone hates me and by the way, I lost my phone and my school bag and I forgot to attend after-school club. @sapphire777 I'm just sending you positive vibes through the ether. The only thing that works for me is setting my standards very low....

[Puffalicious]

Hi OP and PP.

I have a just turned 9 yr old DS with adhd, epilepsy and we're in the last throes of an asd diagnosis. We're all at the end of our tether. Since Elvanse this year he doesn't want to go anywhere (rugby, cubs, biking, park- all things he loved) or do anything (Lego, drawing, board games, trains etc) except sit on his Switch. Anyone else struggling with the over focus? When it wears off we're back to the aggression, negatively and lashing out until bedtime.

It's not fair on both teen DS or us. Thankfully we have a very strong marriage, but I just feel that this would break anyone. I'm bloody exhausted. Any tips?

[lollipoprainbow]

Yes I feel the same, single mum to ASD dd 8.5 yrs, I worry about the teenage years so much.

[catsandchaos]

I've just got back from a short walk. I couldn't stand the noise any longer. He's playing star wars on the playstation with a friend. He makes sounds constantly and I just couldn't stand it anymore. Everything is so slow in the morning, I would love to smash crockery on the patio to show how frustrating it is. Tried visual cues, timers etc. He's 14 and I fantasize about some time alone. It is tough OP. Can you reach out to the ADHD nurse if there is one in your area?

[Puffalicious]

ADHD nurse? Now that would be great. Where do I find such a thing? The noise seeps into my soul, catsandchaos

[drspouse]

I threw a cup today, it was that or throw DS after he hit me when I turned the TV off because he wouldn't the fifth time I asked him. (It was a melamine cup but I didn't like it and it broke anyway).

[catsandchaos]

@Puffalicious

ADHD nurse? Now that would be great. Where do I find such a thing? The noise seeps into my soul, catsandchaos

GP referall but it's a postcode lottery

[thinkingaloud123]

@Puffalicious Yes - the struggle with hyper focus is REAL for us! Particularly with very creative role play games on consoles. I limit the ones he has access to otherwise it is all we hear about. Genuinely, I'm not joking. He'll stop people in the street to tell them about it. It's sort of funny, but when it is time to stop playing we risk armageddon! I have never heard of an ADHD nurse. In fact, I have never heard of any support for parents except to tell us how to be better for our children. Not once has anyone professional every asked me about how unbelievably draining, tiring, exhausting and stressful this is. So, my friends, I see you and I know the toll it is taking on you.

[Puffalicious]

Thank you for the recognition OP, it matters. I can see DS going the same way as your DS with gaming. We manage to limit it but we're seeing more and more aggression and push back when he's asked to come off. His teen brothers are not big gamers, so it's all a bit alien to me.

We had his final ASD appointment today- social communication assessment- and he was horrendous, truly horrendous. I suppose it's a good thing that they see him at his worst, but it doesn't stop me being mortified when he crosses boundaries and spent most of the session upside down as he tumbled all over the place or saying 'Poo' a lot. He also lashed out at me and it really hurt. Some days are fecking unbearable.

Right now, he's on the bloody Switch whilst I gather my breath.

[MSQuinn]

Yup. I’m exhausted. Two girls with asd/adhd/spd/very demand avoidant. Youngest is non verbal and also had a medical issue. I’m shattered. I work part time and feel like I’m drowning. Dreading periods with the youngest who refuses to wear knickers. Somedays I can’t believe this is my life.

[drspouse]

I have heard of an ADHD nurse because the CBT counsellor we are seeing privately used to be one but we don't have them here.
Great day with DS, I was able to give him my full attention as I was off work and DD was in holiday club and he did a couple of semi-new things (more independent choc nest making and planting out bedding plants in a pot - I'm ticking off things for Cub badges). But I am EXHAUSTED.

[Puffalicious]

"Some days I can't believe this is my life" resonates so much. Unmumsnetty hugs to all Tomorrow's another day.

[MrsDuBeke]

Yes to all of this! My DS is only 5.5 but us so demand avoidant with asc and suspected adhd, he literally never stops!! From a speech delay to constantly chattering on, it's lovely but exhausting, and if I don't reply straight away it's meltdown city! I have to lie down with him until he falls asleep as he can't drop off without help. He's recently become obsessed with a Shopkins game and we have to.play it over and over. Or the same board games on repeat. At least he's getting into game shows now, albeit ones from the 80s, so that's something new! He also likes time and having set times for things but now DH and I have to follow these too and he gets so upset if we're one or two mins late for something, oh and when the clocks lose time I've had to reset the boiler clock three times this week!

[Puffalicious]

MrsduBeke all of that sounds so familiar! The not replying straight away drives him insane; the things constantly on repeat (games/books/ TV shows)/ very strict routine/ demanding others do as he wishes. It's very, very difficult. I hear you.

[mealsonwheelz]

I'm too tired to even tell you what has been going on at our end! Started Elvanse today with DS10 who is adhd and odd and asd. Younger son I also think is very hyperactive adhd whilst my DS is more inattentive... the anger and aggression is really upsetting. He also doesn't want to do anything ever. I am adhd too so it is hard to keep everythingcalm when I also get triggered left right and centre by them and lack of sleep thanks to my DH snoring has left me broken today. I feel completely nuts most days snd like I have no one to share this stuff with without judgement...