Run out of fight

(9 Posts)
Mumofsend Fri 09-Oct-20 08:35:04

DD is 5, very complex additional needs. Her mainstream have just put her on a 1-3 timetable because they literally can't cope with her. Credit to them they are fighting for specialist schoolimg. I'm on my own with her now an additional 4 hours a day. I havent got the energy for all the phone calls, for stopping her bolting every minute of every day, for stopping her hurting her younger brother. For battling with health because school want her medicated. They struggle less with the violent outburst but can't cope with the off the scale manic hyperactivity.

I feel like she needs to be with someone who can keep her safe and has the energy for her because I'm absolutely done sad

OP’s posts: |
danni0509 Fri 09-Oct-20 10:32:24

Your dd sounds very similar to my ds, he is having to have 2-1 support at school at the minute to keep everyone safe and he doesn’t have a lot of access into the classroom for the other pupils safety. (We are just waiting on specialist school placement) he’s in yr2 btw.

Is your daughter in reception? Can you phone sendiass regarding the illegal exclusion. Ds school had him part time for a year (2 hours a day) even when he already had an ehcp, it’s a total joke what they do to families like ours. Phone the education department at the local authority if you have to. Don’t give a shit about offending the school!

School sent my ds home a fortnight ago (phoning me from 9.25am as they couldn’t cope) I told sendiass and sendiass phoned them and warned them it isn’t to happen again and I will refuse to collect him in future. It’s not on.

Does your dd have an ehcp? (Not that we have found it very useful and he’s had one for 3 years but the only good thing is it forms part of the passport into special school!)

You need the respite. If ds didn’t do full days at school now I would not manage.

What are your dd’s diagnoses? You say manic hyperactivity (which ds has - never met another child like it.) he’s just under diagnosis for adhd (he’s also very impulsive to the point he regularly risks his life and because of his autism doesn’t understand danger at all) eventually he will be medicated.

Your dd’s school are taking the piss and that needs to stop. You really do need some advice (I would recommend sendiass) as school will not tell you they are acting illegally.

I do feel dreadful for you because I know how it feels sad just keep going I can’t offer anything else. Literally day by day just keep going flowers hopefully (this is what I’m hoping praying for my ds too) when she gets to special school and is having needs met by specialists things will change for the better.

Do you get dla? Doesn’t make your life any easier really but will help you financially.

There’s a thread on sn children (primary auties) post on there. Plenty of people to advise you on there.

So sorry @Mumofsend xx

Mumofsend Fri 09-Oct-20 10:45:07

@danni0509 thank you. I'm so sorry you are going through it too.

She has been a minimum of 2-1 all week. Wednesday she broke the headteacher and he rang me to take her home. They had 4 members of staff with her. Yesterday was her first two hours and when I picked up she was on 3-1. I'm supposed to manage her and keep her brother safe on my own.

She's absolutely franticly hyperactive. They can oddly cope with her meltdowns and defiance but the hyperactivity has defeated them. She has a big sensory programme but its not bringing her down.
She's doing 2 hours a day for 4 weeks and then it's meant to be increased but he doesn't see her being back in full time again. They could just about cope with it last year as their reception year group has its own self contained building so she couldn't really cause much chaos but can't cope in the main building.

Her list is ASD, ADHD, SPD, auditory processing, speech disorder, Hypermobility. Apparantly she is one of the most demand avoidant children they have ever had. She's in year 1 just about to turn 6.

The LA just keep telling us there is no specialist school who can meet her needs. They keep suggesting more OT and SALT support in her mainstream but she can't cope with the environment. No amount of money can sort that.

She has an EHCP, dedicated 1-1 32.5 hours a week. It's a specialist level provision but they can't meet all the provision and the LA have said they are the closest fit.

I'm so frustrated.

OP’s posts: |
danni0509 Fri 09-Oct-20 11:00:58

Ds has pda exactly the same with being incredibly demand avoidant, school just had this specialist send man in and I got a ruthless 11 page report this week, it’s true what he wrote, but it’s so cruel to read and so cruel what this does to our kids.

Yes to the 3-1. Ds has been having that a lot & that’s what he had 2 Fridays ago when they phoned me to pick him up after 45 minutes so I said hang on, if 3 of you can’t manage with 1 of them being a specialist TA. How the fuck do you expect me to take him home on my own and manage him?

I understand your frustration. I feel the same.

Bless you having another child aswell, I only have ds and believe me it’s staying that way 😂

It’s absolutely disgusting what the La do, I’m having a mare with them at the minute too. They have offered his school a band increase (he’s on top band for mainstream anyway) so they offered school another 2k but the senco said we don’t want your money (exactly like your dd he can’t cope with the environment and as you say no amount of money will change that)

Argh it’s awful isn’t it x

danni0509 Fri 09-Oct-20 11:17:00

Over my dead body is he staying in a mainstream (I’ve written time and time again on the other thread I go on) but ds spends his full days out of the classroom doing his sensory stuff instead, running wild outside, on the bikes / scooters having his arms and legs tickled with feathers, messy play water and sand play to calm him etc he does next to no school work (he’s obviously developmentally delayed anyway but none of this is helping the situation) and the saddest thing is he gets zero socialisation because he’s not allowed around the other children, I have it on his reports he is just with his support staff all day hes not allowed out with them at break or dinner or in the classroom because of his behaviour and he is very isolated.

It’s barbaric and if the la think I’m settling for that ‘see you in court fuckers!’

They read this shit on reports and still try to offer additional money to keep them there in the same situation 😡

Hope you get some answers @Mumofsend

Mumofsend Fri 09-Oct-20 14:10:01

@danni0509 our situations are uncannily similar. She isn't allowed near the other kids because she's too unpredictable. Cant go outside because she runs. Her entire day is one whole sensory break. She hasn't done anything resembling work in well over a week. I desperately want specialist but our LA Has notoruously poor specialist provision, it may actually be no better sad

She has the highest level of funding. Have actually been texting with her 1-1 from last year who honestly was the most superhuman wonderful person I've ever had involved with DD. She got her on a mum level and was amazing with her. Now the staff just don't and they are making it all worse.

I nearly just sobbed taking her in because she was so difficult this morning I don't know how I am meant to cope!

OP’s posts: |
danni0509 Fri 09-Oct-20 14:48:29

Spooky! I text ds 1-1 from reception & year 1 too and she was the same with ds she loved him and he loved her she used to say I treat him like my own child, she used to pop to my husbands work and drop cake mix and activities off she would buy during the school holidays, she was so so lovely.

School thought it might be a good idea to change it up for year 2 to get him used to other adults ready for when he moved (they knew we were looking at SS for juniors) anyway there plan has backfired. He doesn’t see her at all now after 2 years together and I just think that’s really unfair.

Hope you have an ok weekend flowers

Mumofsend Sat 10-Oct-20 08:51:34

It's ridiculous. It's Saturday AM and my stomach is in knots for Monday already

OP’s posts: |
Ellie56 Sat 10-Oct-20 11:41:29

So if there is no appropriate specialist provision in your LA, look at neighbouring LAs.

To search for schools by local authority:

Section 41 special schools:

Independent special schools and colleges:

Also useful information on this link :

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