ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[dustystar]

DS is driving me insane He has always been a bit aggressive and tends to hit out when agitated but at the moment he just never seems to stop bugging people by pushing, prodding, pinching, hitting kicking etc. We have done so much work with him in the last 3 years and in many ways he has improved dramatically but I just don't know how to get him to stop doing this. We (and school) have doen social stories and consequences and emotional litracy stuff with him; we also have tried various discipline strategies that have all been successful tosome degree. The trouble is that nothing seems to work longterm

Since 6.30 this morning he has been annoying his sister and since she has a feind here it is even worse than usual. He seems to be in his room on a timeout more than he is out of it today. I really have had enough today and feel like crying I know he is struggling at the moment and he is unhappy about this as he knows other children are different but I really dont know what else to do.

This is all getting on top of me at the moment so any advice on strategies to use with him to get him to stop this behaviour would be welcomed.

TIA

[dustystar]

I meant to say that the hitting etc has got progressively worse over the last few months.

[sarah573]

Dusty - no advice sorry - Im hoping someone will post a magical solution which will work on my DS too (hopefully before he kills his brother). We use the time out too - it took me 50 minutes to get him to do a 9 minute time out yesterday [pulls out hair], it was like something out of supernanny!!
xx

[needmorecoffee]

Has he got a dx? I've not been in this situation but have had 2 kids who found it hard to cope with their emotions. ds2 explodes reguarly (and has lost me friends) as did dd1 when she was younger.
So not the same but we used homeopathy and loking back, I should have looked into some sort of anger management therapy. I'd probably have taken junk out of their diets too (just in case) and tried some more individual time with them.
What does he say about his own behaviour?

[dustystar]

Thanks for the replies. he doesn't have a dx but had traits of AS/ASD and ADHD. He also has a statement and fulltime 1:1 at school and has done for the last 2 years. We cut all the crap from his diet when things first kicked off when he started school 3 years ago plus we took him to a homeopath who tested him and said he reacts to artificial colours, refined sugars and some preservatives so we remove as much of this as possible too. He also takes Efalex fish oils which do help but obviously don't stop the behaviour.

We have also done lots of anger management with him and emotional literacy. He still has difficulties recognising emotions - in himself and other people - but he's much better than he used to be. He hates "his angries" as he calls them and has told me in the past that he hears a voice in his head telling him to do the naughty stuff and he just has to do it. He also told me once that he wished he was dead so that he wouldn't be naughty anymore

DH and i have talked over the weekend and have decided to ask the paed about ritalin. He offered it to us over 2 years ago but I really didn't want to go down that route unless we had no choice but its got to the stage now that for my sanity and for our family happiness we have to give it a go becuase we cannot go on like this.

DS has had an awful weekend and is unhappy about it and ironically said yesterday evening that he wished there was a medicine that would calm him down. I said that there might be and told him about ritaling and asked if he'd like to try it. He was very keen and the first thing he said to me this morning is "are we going to see Dr * to get my medicine today?" WE are seeing him on 14th Nov so hopefully he'll agree to prescribing a low dose and we'll see how it goes.

[RnB]

Message withdrawn

[dustystar]

He doesn't quite tick all the right boxes. He is on the AS teams lists for assessment but when i saw the paed last year he was doing so well that we both agreed that it was unlikely that he would end up with a dx if assessed then so we deplayed it until a later time. Our paed is great and puts a lot of store by what parents think. I am going to push for a dx now though as even though we have the statement I think a dx will be helpful too - if nothing else it will help ds with his self-esteem to know there is a reason that he can't seem to behave himself.

[bonkerz]

dusty your ds sounds like my ds. we are waiting for full assessment at cahms at the moment. My DS has violent rages at school where he has to be physically restrained and up till now we havent seen this aggression at home BUT its building and he is starting to annoy and pick at his sister alot more and strops constantly. He too says his brain tells him to be naughty and he hates himself enough to scream he wasnt to die. he also says noone loves him etc etc. Its heart breaking. Some days i hae enough and cant cope. This morning i didnt have anytime for his tantrums at all and yelled at him to go to his room. TBH he probably wasnt being that bad but i can just see how he can spark so quickly!
No real advice although it may be worth trying medication. It may just help. Im sure oyu have been inundates with techniques to try to manage behaviour and if your DS is like mine then you will have found something works for a few days then never again!
Noone said parentiong was easy and especially parenting a child with needs like our children. Where is our training course?

[dustystar]

Hi Bonkerz

Yes I thought our Ds's sounded similar when I read your threads before. Its bloody hard work isn't it.

[bonkerz]

Its a nightmare! totally understand where you are at right now. Picked DS up from school and head approached me to tell me they had to restrain and man handle DS out of class this afternoon. Head and teacher carried out this process but she was a little concerned how i would react as positive handling training course isnt till next week! Feel smug(appeal for assessment for statement was last week and i pointed out to her then that this would happen!)and
embarrassed because i cant really say anything about it cos thats just the way he is!
how has your DS been since saturday?

[dustystar]

Well things weren't quite so bad yesterday but thats mainly because we went over to my Mum's and she shared the burden (dh was working). This morning he was badly behaved and lost PS2 time this afternoon as a result and he's playing up this evening too. I've just had to send him to bed early becuase he won't stop being aggressive to dd. They said that things were ok at school today but I think they are just being encouraging since his behaviour was so bad there a few days ago but has improved a bit.

Its horrible when they have meltdown and need restraining isnt it This fortunately doesn't happen much now. Not once at school in the last 18 months and only 2 or 3 times here in the last year. You have my sympathy.

[bonkerz]

Its horrid punishing them too isnt it because on the one hand you need to teach them what is acceptable etc but on the other hand you know that no matter what we do it wont change the behaviour.! At what point do you accept? When do you learn what is appropriate behaviour for DS because if my Ds is screaming its a normal behaviour for him although not acceptable in society. We end up in a vicious circle this end because we challenge him about inappropriate behaviour but that leads to more conflict and that in turn leads to more anger and confrontation which just spirals out of control till you cannot actually remember what caused the fuss in the first place!!!!

Can i join you

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[dustystar]

thank god for mn eh?

[bonkerz]

thank god in deed. can honestly say MN has kept me as sane as can be for the past few months! CHIN UP

[UKMum2Boys]

Wondered if this might help you:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritalin

I hope that life does get easier and happier for you both

Best wishes

[bonkerz]

hows today been dusty?

[dustystar]

Hi Bonkerz

Today has been a good day so far the best day for weeks actually He was well behaved this morning, made an effort with his reading, had a good day at school and so far has behaved this afternoon. He is upstairs now playing his drums

How are things with you?

Thnaks for the link ukmum

[bonkerz]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1373/398987?stamp=071002164717
glad toay has been good for you! Its these days you have to hold onto and remember on hte bad days isnt it!

[dustystar]

bonkerz

[bonkerz]

i know. have a horrid knot in my stomach now. Dont know what to do or whether i should just let it ride really. I swear if the Appeal has not been successful i may be donw docs asking for anti Ds

[dustystar]

If ADs help you get through this then go for it - there's no shame in needing a bit of extra help. When will you hear about the appeal?

[bonkerz]

am still waiting! Am now dreading the letter coming through cos i swear if its turned down i will go over the edge! Me and DH arguing and its our anniversary tomorrow but dont want to celebrate a shit marriage. Ive just had about enough!!!!!!!!!!! If DS has another bad day today i may just come home and hibernate and god help anyone that trys to talk to me!

[bonkerz]

lol how are you anyway!!!!!

[dustystar]

Poor you bonkerz {{{hugs}}}

I'm ok - i should be revising really DS had a good day yesterday although unfortunately by the time we got to his drumming lesson he was back to being a pain and wouldn't listen to his teacher or do as he was told{{sigh}}

Fortunately his teacher is very laid back and took it all in his stride

He's been ok this morning but I think thats partly because we had to walk to school today as dh has car and its about 1 1/2 mile walk to DD's school and then another 1/2 mile back to ds's school so that helped My feet are bloddy killing me though!

[bonkerz]

bless you!
I sent DS into breakfast club this morning! Probably not a great idea for the school but perfect for me!!!

[dustystar]

Good for you