The title says it all really!
Yesterday I had a day of denial! I thought I may be imagining it, and my ds is just a little different and I am giving him this label of autism.
Well yesterday he ran from wall to wall in the lounge, shook his head until I thought he was about to pass out, stiffened his body and went up on his toes so much so that it looked as if he would take off. The only things he said all day were '5 4 3 2 1 blastoff', repetitively. He wouldn't leave the lounge, and then screamed and tried to tear his skin off because he had spilt milk on himself. I had to man-handle him into the buggy, and he screamed for approx. half an hour until being outside distracted him.
Well that was a relief!
I came home and then he lay on the floor trying to look into the back of his head, and then sat in a corner looking at the wall 'playing' with his toy mobile phone.
Last night he was awake for three hours and wanted to sit on my lap with a bottle of milk, he refuses to use a cup for milk.
My poor baby! I cried buckets for him!
I even had an irrational moment, when I felt jealous of my next door neighbour because they have a boy with down's syndrome, (yes I know this is stupid and irrational) because at least they know from birth and can prepare to help him, I don't have a clue what I am doing...I apologise to all parents with children who have downs syndrome, I don't think downs syndrome is
an easy diagnosis, I was just feeling extremely irrational!
I though I could cope with this, but I obviously can't.
I am just beginning to realise what autism could mean for my ds, and how hard it could be for him. I went to my local library and asked for info about support groups,etc, to which the reply was' we don't know about that sort of thing', with looks of disapproval. I felt like a leper from last century! She made me feel embarrased, I bet she thought I don't know how to bring my children up properly!
SIGH!
Today, I am trying to get my head round the fact that this is real, that my ds is autistic, and I have to get over this and start helping him.
Sorry about that, I had to tell somoeone how I am feeling! Well done for reading this far, I guess I should just et on withit, and stop being such a blimp!
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DENIAL
8 replies
deeeja · 23/09/2007 15:13
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