(19 Posts)
Kaypee28 Sun 26-Jan-20 19:48:29

Hi everyone. Can I ask what traits your diagnosed children had around 5 years of age? I'm waiting assessment and can't work out which one, if any he has! I know every child is different. Any help will be much appreciated. Xo

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Kaypee28 Mon 27-Jan-20 09:25:41


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Hamster05 Thu 30-Jan-20 13:20:25

Hello we are on the pathway to being diagnosed but my son is very hyper then angry then emotional one moment to the next. Doesn't sleep. Won't eat food with a fork and knife. When he's in the melt down stage he wants cuddles so badly but every time I try to cuddle him he'll bite me or hit me until he's reached point of calming down. This will sound a bit steryo type but he looks like a normal kid until he starts throwing his arms around and shouting things out randomly.
I've found when he's in melt down mode just leave him make sure he's safe but not to touch him not to try give consequences or try stop the behaviour as much as it kills me seeing him damage my home. It only makes him worse. We tackle his behaviour and talk about it with him once he's calm enough to hear what we're saying to him.
In public if he throws himself t9 the floor I sit with him and his brothers we just wait until he's ready to carry on. You get looked at and it's hard not to care but I've learnt he needs me to just stop and let him calm down his sensory is over loaded and I'll only hurt him by trying to get him up.
I also find it lonely hard upsetting tiring and scary .
Hope this helps

HRH2020 Thu 30-Jan-20 20:13:38

Very controlling about what I did and when
Resisting all transitions especially bedtimes with 30 minute plus long tantrums
Screamed and cried if we went to a party, festival, fairground etc anywhere with lots of people or lights/loud noises
Screaming at bath time especially when having hair washed - we used to have to cut his hair when he was asleep as he found it so distressing
Fussy eating
Rigid thinking
Bad loser / always have to be first doing something
Could not negotiate or share with peers and would bite or hit them
Very advanced language skills
No regulation of emotion either anger or excitement
Obsessed with facts about dinosaurs and watching a certain cartoon repeatedly

HRH2020 Thu 30-Jan-20 20:14:18

Oh yes and massive problems with sleep and never sleeping through

kerkyra Thu 30-Jan-20 20:22:31

My son was having speech therepy at age four. Was also very controlling, screaming if you had fastened your seat belt as he wanted to do everyone's. Wanting to walk infront of everyone on the way to school or big melt down.
Couldnt cope with balloons and candles and would hold his ears in the school hall as it echoed. Would hit other children.
He is 12 now and managing ok in mainstream. Very thoughtful and has alot of empathy for other children,though is self esteem needs working on and he thinks everyone doesnt like him. But we chat most nights and I help with techniques for when he struggles in social situations. He is great fun and we have some great laughs together

kerkyra Thu 30-Jan-20 20:24:08

Oh,the bad loser thing is so true. Could never lose and would often cheat.
That's becoming easier now

kerkyra Thu 30-Jan-20 20:25:15

He was a great eater and sleeper though.still is.diagnosed asd at 7

Hamster05 Fri 31-Jan-20 16:28:14

Bad looser so true and cheater.
None stop talking
At moment the police is all over the place as a child was taken yesterday my son hasn't stopped worrying about it and talking about it. He's very obsessive if something happens he must talk about it he must have answers he won't let it go until it's sat right in his brain no matter how big or small. Even if it's simple change in routine he will constantly be obsessed over why it's changed.

Hamster05 Fri 31-Jan-20 16:30:37

Does anyone else's talk so much and obsess over things ? Plus ask inappropriate questions

Kaypee28 Fri 31-Jan-20 16:36:36

Are your children ASD or ADHD?

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Hamster05 Fri 31-Jan-20 17:02:03

He hasn't had assessment yet we see symptoms of both in him

BertieBotts Fri 31-Jan-20 17:17:39

DS1 has ADHD. I found him very challenging at 5. He's 11 now so my memories might be hazy but it was the first year we moved countries, so I'll see what I can pull up!

- Overly emotional about the slightest thing (I don't know if this was age appropriate or not - but for example I remember him sobbing and crying huge tears because I said he had grown out of a t-shirt, it wasn't even a particularly favourite t-shirt).
- Unable to cope with losing (Again - fairly sure this is normal for 5? But then I thought a lot of his behaviour was normal which is why he didn't get assessed for ages.)
- No concept of when to stop/give up - he would persist until exhausted or enraged.
- Still having tantrums. Had started occasionally to do things like throw things in anger, turn over (small) furniture. There was no way to deescalate once it started and I was often in tears trying to work out what to do. The only way to get him to calm down was to physically immobilise him until he was exhausted.
- Would hit me, hurt me in anger. Even in public (I remember a policeman once telling him off!)
- Tics, not just at stress times but constantly.
- Talking constantly (but I think this is pretty normal for 5) - he always required an active response from me so he'd be repeating "Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, did you hear me mummy, can I ask you one question mummy, mummy?? Mummy!!!! Can I ask you a question??" Until I wanted to scream "Just start with the fucking question" (obviously I did not!)
- Obsessed with screen time
- Didn't really like to play with toys, unless someone was playing with him. Even Lego he would only build the models in the instructions and only with me. So apart from screen time could not entertain himself. (We still struggle with this.)
- Sensory stuff - very fussy about clothing, shoes were always a nightmare. Terrified of getting his face wet in the bath so we couldn't properly wash his hair - we used to do it with a flannel. Would eat a very limited range of food. Not so much that I worried about his vitamin intake, but enough to be a pain.
- Very behind other children in terms of physical coordination - TBH we put this down to us not being sporty parents, but it was noticeable.
- When with other children would get totally hyper and silly. Would then refuse to say goodbye to a ridiculous level e.g. clinging to them and refusing to let go until peeled apart, running and hiding to avoid putting shoes on.
- When he got overexcited he would go into this what I now call high-arousal state, it's like he's not quite in his body and he's not able to process instructions or requests at that time, you try to talk to him and just get something like a stream of random sounds in response, again, the only way to deescalate was to offer screens or to cause him to be enraged (which was, TBH, not that difficult - caused by saying no or trying to stop him from doing what he wanted in this state) so that physical separation was necessary and that would get him to wind down (but in distress). We used to give him screens for bedtime as it was the only thing that calmed him enough for him to sleep. But he did sleep through the night by then thank god!

It was exhausting TBH looking back I think we were crazy for thinking it was normal and not getting any assessments for him. I was not in a great place with my own undiagnosed ADHD at that time.

Kaypee28 Fri 31-Jan-20 17:51:41

@Hamster05 @BertieBotts sounds very like my boy! We see both ADHD/ASD but mostly at school not as much at home. And funny he's so like me @BertieBotts lol m wondering if I have something aswel. What are your symptoms as an ADHD adult?

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Hrodger Fri 31-Jan-20 18:23:55

We see have abit at school (hes supervised at break times and goes to a club, stress ball and fidget in class , reward charts quiet time) and lots at home. I'm little relieved to hear others are same as him other parents have stopped talking to me they don't understand why I'm so stressed all the time why I often cry or why I get snappy when they talk to him and send him into hyper mode. ( clearly can see I'm working with to stay calm )

Hrodger Fri 31-Jan-20 18:28:28

My name finally changed from hamster05 to hrodgergrin

BertieBotts Fri 31-Jan-20 19:29:16

Feel free to do a search on my name plus adult ADHD smile I've talked about it loads on here. I would type it all out but it will take me forever and I'm supposed to be doing the food shop! I will get back to you in a couple of days otherwise when I next have free time.

Kaypee28 Fri 31-Jan-20 21:00:53

I can not find the post. Can you tag me in it @BertieBotts

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BertieBotts Sat 01-Feb-20 11:07:05

Oh, I didn't have a specific one in mind grin

For me the adult symptoms are mainly disorganisation, messiness, always losing things, always late for everything, rushing around at the last minute. I can't make myself do anything so I procrastinate for hours/weeks/years sometimes until a deadline comes up and then I can usually squeeze it in at the last minute and kick myself a lot.

Often felt that I was unable to cope with the demands of a normal adult life (cooking, cleaning, working, admin, bills, socialising, appearance upkeep, keeping up to date with news, social events, etc) and bemused by this as other people seem to manage fine - I offend people because I do things like forget birthdays, totally ignore/put my foot in social customs, ask inappropriate questions without realising they are inappropriate, don't offer the appropriate thing because I don't pick up on hints. Don't bother to contact people for months or years at a time and then try to pick up our friendship like it's been only yesterday (my very very best and closest friends in the world take this in their stride, and confess to me that they do the same and they also value their friends who can do this).

The postal service is my nemesis because it involves too many steps. I have letters sitting on top of a shelf I bought online postage for on 16/01 which are thank you letters from Christmas. I will post them today (if I don't forget to take them, which is fairly likely).

Despite being bright - top marks until year 10 when I stagnated but nobody really noticed, because going from 100% to 98% isn't a big enough jump. Since then my education totally fell off a cliff because I couldn't cope with the extra independence expected at post-16. I have attempted A Level equivalent twice, I attended university as a mature student but even though I could do the work I have failed at the organisational side and ended up dropping out. I would like to try again now I understand myself better, but now living outside of the UK and not having any standard University entrance qualifications I am stuck.

Can't do routines, can't form habits. People say that if you do things enough times they will stick and become automatic, I have never found this. Or I will get into a routine and then one thing will disrupt it (e.g. a cold, a school holiday, a week away - nothing massive) and I won't pick it up again. This happens constantly throughout my life. I have now (somewhat) learned to factor it in - it used to massively upset me and send me into meltdown when I realised I'd done it again.

Stuff medication has helped with - time loss - before medication, if I had an unstructured day I would look at the clock and suddenly it's 4pm and I have been sat on the computer all day. Now time seems to pass normally, which is really weird and makes me feel like I have gained time. And anticipating things - before I would never automatically think ahead. So for example we do swimming classes on a Friday morning. With medication, I'll do things like put our swimming stuff into the wash at some point between Friday afternoon and Wednesday so that it will be clean and dry by the time we need it. Sensible - but absolutely wouldn't have occurred to me until maybe Thursday evening before. And I'd be running around on Friday morning trying to pack a bag, and wondering which bag I left my purse in, and thinking whether it's OK to take DS2 in his pyjamas, and frantically hoping we wouldn't miss the bus, etc.

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