He's started attacking me and his brother

[RnBee]

Am exhausted. That's it really. Maybe it's because it's the holidays, maybe becaus me and his dad have just separated and we've just moved house. Maybe it's because he autistic. Don't know how to cope with it

[gess]

You've separated? God I'm sorry.

Are there triggers? Are you still doing a home programme? Any advice you can get from that end if so?

How often do you get a break?

[RnBee]

Hi gess, how's things with you? Yes separated last month.

The triggers are when he does something naughty and I follow through with a punishment (usually removing his train/s). he goes crazy. Nearly gave me a black eye today.

I have been calmly putting him in his room, but he just comes straight out and carries on with his attack. Then eventually I lose it too

No home programme anymore. Finished in Sept when he started school full time.

Amazingly SS have given him 2 days/week in a playscheme which is wonderful (and he loves it), but finding it hard to cope fo the remaining 5 days of the week. My SPD is really bad at the moment resulting on me being on crutches a lot of the time. I phoned SS in tears because I couldn't walk and they agreed another 5 days of playscheme for the rest of the holidays.

I've never had to experience this level of violence before.

[RnBee]

When I say I lose it, I obviously don't attack him. But I usually end up shouting - loudly.

[Blossomhill]

So sorry to hear this Rnbee

We found with dd that the punishment we used when she was lashing out (time out) just made the whole situation so much worse.

When we went to Camhs we were told to not show any emotion at all. Avoid eye contact and generally not show that you are bothered.

Can you not take your other ds and yourself out of the equation? Not sure if that will help? I was told to sort of put myself on a time out and usually took ds with me (as it was him that dd targetted and reading up on asd this is apparently common, to hit the same person)

It is so hard though isn't it

[gess]

Gosh it sounds a nightmare- and very diffcult to cope with physicality of autism when on crutches. SPD? Are you pregnant?

Generally when ds1 loses it I tend to separate him as you have so I don't rally have much to suggest. If its related to the marriage breakup etc (and as its new I suspect it is) you may just have to hang in there and give it some time. Do you have any 'close' moments? (eg massage etc) or is there anything he finds really relaxing that you could do?

Much sympathy, if very little advice. Are you still in contact with any old tutors/therapists? Could you get one of them to take him out a bit, or be an extra pair of hands, even if only for a few hours a week.

[RnBee]

Thanks BH. So you mean you would take yourself and ds into another room where dd couldn't get to you?

He does go for ds2 but its mainly me. What upsets me the most is when he wallops ds2 as he really is terrified and hasn't done anything at all.

I can see how the lack of emotion can work. Is hard though when he's throwing a car seat at me! Will try it though.

[Blossomhill]

Yes we would sit in another room and ignore her and tbh she hated it. Another thing you could do is pick up a book, paper whatever and pretend to read it. Again this did work as dd wasn't getting any attention from me.
I won't say it was easy though and I have loads of sympathy. It is so draining. My dd was doing it as she was so unhappy at school. Thankfully new class and it settled down (touching loads of wood!)

[RnBee]

Thanks gess. No not pregnant, just still have it from ds1 & ds2 (5 yrs! Just one of those things)

I think you're right. It's probably one of those things that will pass. And also right about the 'close' moments. Probably the key is to try and prevent the 'naughty' behaviour in the first place so no punishment is needed. Is very hard when you need a bath or need to clean etc. But this is the situation.

Massage is good idea because I'm sure 'naughty' behaviour is related to sensory problems.

Thanks for your help. Am feeling more positive now

[Blossomhill]

Oh yes same with ds he hadn't done anything. The slightest thing and she would go for him.
She was just so would up and stressed out all the time. Like a child I didn't know tbh, scary.

[Blossomhill]

Bibic told me to wrap dd up in a quilt and actually that did help. Calms them down.

[RnBee]

I hope it lasts BH! Thanks for the advice x

[gess]

Ds1 mainly attacks me (I get quite a few punches these days, but over as soon as they've started so I don't have to deal with them- except duck iyswim).

On the rare occaison he attacks a brother he gets frogmarched out of the room and the door is shut for about 10-20 seconds, but your ds is a lot higher functioning and tso probably won't be appropriate.

Agree prevention is often the best way, but very hard, so don't be too tough on yourself if it happens.

SPD sounds awful, but am relieved that you're not pregnant- would be all too complicated!

[Blossomhill]

Thanks Rnb, hope it all settles down for you too. Must be hard with you being on your own
Take care of yourself x