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how to deal with ds being over affectionate

(7 Posts)
floaty Mon 06-Aug-07 18:45:18

ds2 is 10 and i have posted on here before,sometimes under old name,about his dyspaxia,dyscalculia and immaturity.He is a gorgeuos little boy but we are running into slight problems at the moment with too much hugging,kissing adn stroking,this is especuilly difficult for his older brother 14) to deal with as he gets embarressed for ds2!.Also I feel that some children and relatives almost avoid getting too close to him for fear of getting locked in an embrace!He is also very keen on telling people how much he loves them etc.How do we teach him apprpriate behaviour without making him feel bad about what seems natural to him and also without making him feel uncomfortable?

gess Mon 06-Aug-07 18:48:57

social story if he has enough understanding for them. I think there are already written ones out there about this that you could personalise google social story and bodyspace social story and kissing or just social story.

DS1 doesn't understand social stories so I judt tend to drag him off someone when he's being overaffectionate

moondog Mon 06-Aug-07 18:49:52

I work with a lot of kids like this (as a salt)
What we have found useful is to get together and decide on a uniform approach. We define an acceptable greeting and tell the child in question what it is.

Then,everytime child greets someone,monitor closely and remind them of what it is they need to do.

'Shake hands and smile'

Don't get bogged down in complicated explanations which usualyy don't help.Also easier to be clear about what you do want than what you don't.

It can feel so mean I know to sort of deflect excited overtures of an affectionate child but in long run much kinder.You really don't want 26 year old blokes kissing and hugging complete strangers.

Another tacxtic is to compile a list of what you do with certain people. So you could stick pictures of people we kiss on one piece of paper,people we shake hands with on another and decide a tactic for everyone else.

Important thing is consistency thus essential to put head together and define terms beforehand.

Peachy Mon 06-Aug-07 18:51:53

A friend of mine ahs a child with global who does this a lot- he especially likes mens stubbly faces

The approach they use (as it seems sensory as much as anything) is that he keeps a piecew of tactle cloth (he chose it) in his pockets that he can stroke secretly as a dispalcement activity

floaty Mon 06-Aug-07 18:57:48

Thats really helpful moondog,i like the iidea of the pictures and script.It tends to be worse not when greeting but after getting to know people for example on Sat we were at a family gathering and he just would not leave a 20 year old cousin(who he hardly sees)alone by the end of the day ,cousin incidently was great with him but i could see the other children exchanging glances adn although they accept him as just w I also know this is going to get harder as they get older.
Also at the play scheme he goes to ( not SN) he tends to monopolise one of the helpers .

Oh dear most of the time you just muddle ever onwards but just at the moment I feel quite down about it,the age gap with ds1 seems to be getting wider and wider and suddenly with teenage years looming I can see ds2 becomming more a dn more isolted from his peers as his emotional maturity lags behind.

Peachy Mon 06-Aug-07 18:59:19

It might be worth asking your Paed for a referral to a psychiatrist who specialises in SN for this as well, again thats what they did for friend

moondog Mon 06-Aug-07 19:01:27

With the cousin,you could have got someone to distract your ds for two minutes and then quickly explained what you wanted him to do.

We are working with a little boy at the moment who is very affec tionate so have all decided that on first greeting,a kiss on the cheek and a hug is fine.

Second time he tries it,we catch his hands gently,turn our heads and say 'You've given me a kiss and it was lovely.Kissing is finished now'

Everyone does this every single time 9no chastisements,no inconsistencies,no complicated justifications) and it is working really well.

In maybe two years,we will review appropriateness of kissing and maybe phase that out.

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