Almost 4 DS - ASD awaiting diagnosis - Aggressive behaviour

[MyHeartIsInCornwall]

Hi all!

My DS3 is on the diagnosis pathway for ASD. He is 3 years and 10 months old. I am a SAHM so he spends a lot of time with me, but attends pre-school 2.5 days a week. His speech is at about the 24 month level for words but not for ability to communicate what he is seeing or wants and does. We can not have a conversation with him on any level. My problem is, when he is told ‘no’ or we can’t do that right now, or similar, he immediately will scream ‘no!’ and start lashing out by scratching at my face or hitting me and he now will throw things too. Heavy or otherwise. I think it’s mainly out of frustration as he doesn’t understand because he’s not like this all the time.

Has anyone else experienced this with similar circumstances and how do you deal with it? I mostly try to not give a direct answer to what he wants so I’ll distract him by saying, ‘let’s read this book’ or ‘ooo look, let’s play with your cars!’ Or just cuddle and soothe him, for example, but this is starting to not have an effect, the older he gets.

He will not toilet train either and withholds bowel movements as we think he is scared to do them. He doesn’t tell us if his pull up is spiked or full. Due to the communication issues, we just can’t find a way to get it across to him. We fear this is all part and parcel and he will be in pull ups for a while to come. He is on medication for the bowel movements but can withhold and soil multiple times a day and does not like being cleaned. Cue screaming and thrashing etc. This again is becoming increasingly harder due to his size. Doctors advises to just leave and let him do in his own time. He will put his feet in the toilet if we try and sit him on it. HV advises to get rid of the potty as it made him very anxious and stressed out. HV said we can’t get any help with these issues until he’s turning 5 and at school.

Does anyone have any advice to offer? TIA

[MyHeartIsInCornwall]

*soiled or full