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Will people ever see my son as child and not a disability?

(11 Posts)
pinkcandyfloss Fri 27-Jul-07 15:20:57

I feel so defensive towards him nowadays as I only really notice how 'different' from other children his age are when he's around NT children as he's my firstborn. He has autism.

I have a lovely friend, and she really is lovely who has a child the same age as my ds1.
She thought it was so strange that he wanted to watch Pingu over and over and said he had the mental age of a 2 yr old. That really cut a bit because, yes, he may have some learning difficulties but a lot of his skills are level with any other child his age too.

Also it's his birthday in a week and she asked what I got him (in the night garden toys) and she said 'another obsession?'
He's not obsessed with it- just likes it!

Dunno why but the generalisations really grate on me sometimes and it makes me upset!

NAB3 Fri 27-Jul-07 15:27:27

Clearly she doesn't understand autism. You sound such a loving Mum that I am sure your son will be just fine. A lot of people say the wrong thing when they aren't thinking. They don't mean to be hurtful. Maybe you could talk to your friend about autism and explain how it manifests itself in children's behaviour.

sarah293 Fri 27-Jul-07 16:08:03

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Davros Fri 27-Jul-07 19:01:30

Yes people will but they are often those who work with them and really get to know them. We know several people who think DS is great and want to spend time with him (suckers!). Our p/t nanny/cleaner who used to help only with DD absolutely loves him. Some special friends and/or relatives will also see him as a real person in time, DS and DD's 11 year old cousin now really loves him and cares about him having found him a bit scary when she was younger!

electra Sat 28-Jul-07 10:26:37

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2mum Sat 28-Jul-07 10:40:04

pinkcandyfloss, i also have a son wi th autism which is low functioning and hes nonverbal. In a lot of ways he is smart but most people dont see that and look at him as different thats just the way it is. I hate the people who dont ever mention my son again after finding out about his autism and ask about my other son. My other son has adhd but not a lot of people know this only people who are around him a lot such as school and family. People dont see adhd as a disability just as a naughty hyper child. But ds2 whos autistic is mostly just seen as a disabled child.

globetrotterinvietnam Sat 28-Jul-07 12:08:30

I think a lot of it has to do with pure ignorance. If people avoid the topic of SN, or if they make stupid remarks, tell them how things really are.

Many people, including members of my family, made some really hurtful comments about me, before they even knew of all what I could do. They just saw me as being blind, not as being a person.

Same thing for all of the children I work with here in Vietnam. I have to explain many things to people (with a great deal of patience) before they begin to see things for how they are.

salsmum Sat 28-Jul-07 12:35:36

MY EXPERIENCE IS THAT OF COURSE PEEPS INITIALLY SEE A WHEELCHAIR OR CERTAIN ODD BEHAVIOURS ETC FROM A CHILD/PERSON BUT MOST PEEPS TELL ME THAT AFTER GETTING TO KNOW MY DAUGHTER IN A SHORT WHILE THEY SEE HER PERSONALITY/SOH SHINE THROUGH .
YOUR FRIEND OBVIOUSLY FELT SHE KNEW YOU WELL ENUFAND COULD HAVE A LITTLE JOKE ABOUT YOUR SONS 'OBSESSIVE COLLECTING' I USED TO KNOW A LAD IN THE CHARITY I WORKED WITH WHO KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT WASHING MACHINES! WE'D OFTEN JOKE THAT HE'D MAKE A GOOD REPAIR MAN BUT IT WASNT SAID NOR MENT IN MALICE.
AS A CARER/PARENT I CAN VERY OFTEN MAKE LIGHT OF MY DAUGHTERS 'MANIC' WHEELCHAIR DRIVING BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS HER EYESIGHT IS GETTING WORSE. I THINK THAT IF US PARENTS CAN MAKE LIGHT OF OUR CHILDS DISABILITY
WITH OTHER PARENTS/CARES IT CAN AT TIMES KEEP YOU SANE AND STOP YOU FROM BREAKING DOWN SPOS ITS JUST ANOTHER DEFENCE MECHANISM.

Wuxiapian Sat 28-Jul-07 18:13:33

It drives me crazy, too, pink.

My son has autism.

Some of the comments/questions I've received are quite unbelievable.

FioFio Sat 28-Jul-07 20:22:03

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gess Sat 28-Jul-07 20:26:08

I see it as a way of sorting out the whaet from the chaff

I've been very impressed with the Mum's of ds2's schoolfriends. I was dreading the whole mixing with mainstream again experience but they've all been really good and accepting of ds1. They also do things without being asked like pick up and drop off ds2 for playdates etc which really helps me.

There are some good ones out there. I don't bother with anyone who can't handle ds1's existence. He's here to stay and is part of the deal if they want to have some sort of friendship with me. If not they can bog off!

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