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What do you do to cheer yourself up when you feel down over SN?

(33 Posts)
expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 20:51:06

DD1 had her first OT assessment today.

It wasn't the worst it could be, but it wasn't good, either.

I'm not surprised. I knew it wouldn't be a case of, 'Why ever was your daughter referred here? She doesn't need OT.'

But I'm still down about it.

I should be used to it. There was always something different - I'm not going to say 'wrong' - from the get-go, and DH's father's side has such a genetic component for dyspraxia and learning disabilities.

I made the mistake of filing away my copy of her DLA form earlier.

Even dumber, I looked at it.

I had to be so negative about my beautiful, golden little girl.

'Part 666 - Getting dressed and undressed: tell us about how your child is a 2-year-old in a 4-year-old's body and can't coordinate her limbs to even find a hole in her clothing, much less understand the concept of buttons'.

'Part 10 to the 3rd power - Communicating with other people: tell us about the stark differences between your delayed child and her sister, who's 2.5 years younger and can already do things your child cannot. Will she ever?'

I'm not doing so well tonight.

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos Thu 12-Jul-07 20:52:36

Don't have any experience of SN, except being deaf myself, but didn't want to leave this unanswered so sending big hugs to you XXXX

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 20:53:24

Thanks, Crookshanks (I love cats, btw)

ahundredtimes Thu 12-Jul-07 20:53:26

Oh expat. I'm sorry.

Guess what, I was at OT today with ds2. Ahah. Wish we passed each other in the corridor.

Let's compare notes. How old dd?

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos Thu 12-Jul-07 20:55:26

Me too - am trying to persuade DH to let us get a cat but he's been put off after seeing my mum's cat do a minging crap in the box the chinese takeaway came in.......!!!

I used to get SDA (severe disablement allowance) before I was working and now get DLA - the forms are a mare aren't they - totally sympathise on that count!

meandmyflyingmachine Thu 12-Jul-07 20:55:52

Not comparing our situations, but I remember when I went to see the HV determned to get an SALT referral for dd. And I wasn't going to leave before I got one. And then before I'd even asked she said she was going to refer her. And I wept. Because of course I wanted to be told I was overreacting. It's a right bugger

aloha Thu 12-Jul-07 20:56:51

What exactly are the nature of her disabilities Expat? Are they the same as her dad's? After all, he has you, works and you say is really happy with his life.
I get very, very worried about ds sometimes - I see a gang of cool, confident ten year olds or teenagers hanging out and worry he'll never be like that. Worry that he'll be bullied or not be able to cope with stuff in school and life. But I find that often means I need a break myself, am feeling anxious myself and need a holiday or something. Also I spend time with him without comparing him to other children, and enjoying what he can do well. Cuddles are good too. I am also very lucky. He's not ill, or in pain, and with my support stands a good chance of a successful life.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 20:57:42

She's 4. She was just 4 19 June. She's a tall, skinny girl - just a shade under 4ft. now.

She has long, light brown hair that curls at the ends with lots of gold in it and big, green eyes. She has skin so pale you can see the workings of her underneath, and she blushes madly when she's embarrassed.

She has a lovely, soft Scottish accent and her voice sounds like a song.

I hope people see how beautiful she is inside, too.

She has a wonderful nature: pleasant, easy-going, thoughtful, empathetic and helpful.

She has a natural affinity with animals. She knows no fear of them, and even strange horses have come up to her and lowered their heads into her upturned palm to have a sniff.

Tell me about your son.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 20:59:35

She has gross and fine motor skills delays, aloha, and she will have lots of learning disabilities which are becoming increasingly obvious.

Thank you for pointing out the good things, though!

Like your son, my daughter is not ill or in pain, and she has a loving home, which I hope is enough for her.

saggermakersknockturnalley Thu 12-Jul-07 20:59:54

Expat - I drink wine.

I'll have a whisky with you though if it'd help.

wrinklytum Thu 12-Jul-07 21:00:40

Oh, Expat,

Sorry you are feeling low.

Sending hugs to you,and your little girl,if you do them.

Your daughter sound gorgeous btw.

Don't know what I can say to make any of it better.

You are a fab loving mum as is evidenced by your posts.

Has your dd only just been diagnosed with SN?

Mine is in the process of getting a paed referral for her global delays in speech and mobility,so I can empathise in some ways.

Hope someone with better advice can be more help.

Best wishes,Wrinkly.

aloha Thu 12-Jul-07 21:00:53

He's eccentric, funny, curious, small, chubby, cuddly, fair haired and green eyed - 'like you, mummy' - worships books and once said the colours of a disappearing rainbow 'were all faded, like a dream you are trying to remember'

saggermakersknockturnalley Thu 12-Jul-07 21:00:56

She sounds fab expat.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 21:01:53

I worry about school. She just doesn't seem to 'get' so much.

Today, I was at a table filling out this friggin' novel of a form, and I could hear the therapist working with her.

The therapist asked her to do stuff like copy a line from a picture. Just a straight line. She couldn't do it.

She can't jump. She can't stand on one leg. She can't walk toe to heel or catch a ball.

And throughout it all, she never became frustrated or lost her temper.

HufflepuffCushion Thu 12-Jul-07 21:02:22

Expat, I know it is really tough at times like this.

But try and concentrate on the reality of the fabulous, positive aspects of your DD. Those forms (and to some extent, the physical assessments) don't allow for the details of the real child to come through. You know, the funny little things they do to make us laugh, or the fact that they are kind and loving etc.

The paperwork is hard and horrible and stark.

Try to hang on to the knowledge that with a Mum like you in her corner, your DD will get the best start in life, and achieve as much as she can.

Word of warning - do not go and gaze as her as she sleeps. My DS used to get a bit freaked out when he woke to find me in a sobbing heap in the corner of his bedroom!

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 21:04:01

OMG, he sounds so amazing, aloha! Brilliant!

It's not that I didn't expect this. It's just that I wish I could make it all better for her.

aloha Thu 12-Jul-07 21:04:33

Motor delays are just that though, usually. Grown ups don't get judged on their ability to ride a bike without stablisers
Do you think she might be dyslexic? When you say learning disabilities, will she read and write? People do make very happy lives for themselves without university degrees. I suspect the girls at the local riding school who are teaching my dd to ride a pony don't have degrees but they love their job!
I am not making light of her difficulties. Ds's difficulties are largely social - his dyspraxia doesn't bother me so much, probably because I suspect I'm dyspraxic myself, but I really worry about his immaturity and sheer oddness.

HufflepuffCushion Thu 12-Jul-07 21:05:08

Oh, and my DS1 (dyslexic and dyspraxic), who couldn't do any of those things you mention at age 4, can now skateboard, juggle and ride his bike at 11.

Although we do not have any matching crockery in the house.

aloha Thu 12-Jul-07 21:06:35

My ds can't do straight lines or drawing at all and he's five and a half. Only learned to jump at four. dd could do it before she was two! I still can't catch a ball (seriously) and I'm 44 next week. I was trying to play catch with dd and I missed every time she threw the ball to me! I can dress myself and do pilates though

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 21:06:53

I'm pretty sure she's dyslexic, and has dysgraphia and dyscalculia like her father.

My chief worries are bullying and that she'll be led astray by some f*&kwit(s) who doesn't/don't give a toss about her.

I don't delude myself that she'll go to university, and that actually doesn't bother me because it never did me a fat lot of good.

I like to think she'll be luckier than I ever was and fare better.

She's certainly a far better person already.

aloha Thu 12-Jul-07 21:08:33

You still married your dh, didn't you? And you love him.

ahundredtimes Thu 12-Jul-07 21:08:34

Ah yes expat. DS2 is now 7, and he was considered dyspraxic by 3. Couldn't jump, didn't walk till 2, can't hop, ride a bike, hold a pencil, stand up straight, copy anything, write - the list is endless.

BUT he has come on since then. We've been doing something called Neurodevelopmental Therapy, which seems to be working. OT said today he wouldn't now class him as dyspraxic - though he still can't write or catch a ball.

He's the most wonderful boy actually. Hugely empathetic, funny - really really funny - and imaginative. Has huge tantrums though.

mummytosteven Thu 12-Jul-07 21:09:58

focus on what your DD enjoys/has a talent for and accept that there will be these awful moments. otherwise moan to those who understand, or just get the hell away from the "mummy" stuff - whether it's a night out, hour in the bath with locked door, or curled up with a good book.

DS is 3.4 and his speech and understanding are very delayed. ? as to whether it's just a speech delay or ASD.

ahundredtimes Thu 12-Jul-07 21:11:01

The line for YOU and for her, is 'you will be able to do this, you will get there, but it will just take LONGER.' Me and ds2 both find this quite comforting.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Jul-07 21:11:08

Oh, yes, she has no 'established hand'. She'll just use either one or swap back and forth.

I'm a bit ambidextrous myself - I write and eat and knit left-handed, but do nearly everything else right-handed.

And potty training.

LOL! She doesn't 'get' that yet at all.

Yes, they tried to get her to jump over this limbo stick thingy. She would simply put one foot over it and climb over .

Work smarter, not harder !

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