SEN 6 year old and alleged racial slur

(6 Posts)
ThisMustBeMyDream Wed 13-Mar-19 23:54:36

My 6 year old (who has ADHD and Autism) attends a weekly activity with similar aged children. He started 8 weeks ago.
Tonight I was pulled aside and asked if my child was used to black people. Unsure where this was going I answered no not really I suppose (majority white ethnicity where we live, however he certainly has interactions with many people of varying ethnicity). He went on to say my child had called another child a name, which they were unsure of but thought it was poo or poohead. This was no surprise to me as he certainly likes to engage in toilet humour language, and this is something I have observed within his year group at school therefore I assume it isn't particular to his conditions. It is also something I have discouraged, but it is very difficult to get any filter control on him as he has very little impulse control due to ADHD.
I wondered what relevance this had other than thinking they must have asked him not to say it as the other child was upset. But no, they put two and two together and wanted to imply it was racist because he said it to a black child.
They didn't actually speak to him about it. They didn't know exactly what was said. And they didn't use any common sense in thinking that it is a fairly common word or insult used by this age group. They have created a link to something where there wasn't one. To me, that assumption is based on their own ideas, rather than putting themselves in to the thoughts of the child and working out what was actually going on here.
The other child wasn't upset, nor was the other parent who was told (this is what the person who addressed the issue with me said).
I talked to my child when we got home. I used open ended conversation with him to find out what had happened. He told me he called another child "diaper". So not poo. Or poohead. So ultimately they created a storm in a teacup over what exactly? Toilet references from an SEN 6 year old.
I already had reservations about him attending these kind of activities without a one to one. The group leaders assured me that they could supervise him adequately. But I don't feel like they can. He needs someone to support his social interactions at all times, and intervene when it becomes inappropriate (as he can't manage this still).
So now, I feel like I need to self refer to social services to get direct payments so he can have a one to one in out of school activities. I'm reaĺly quite sad about the whole thing. It has made me realise he isn't ready to interact with peers without a lot.of support. Can anyone relate? Or offer useful advice on how to develop harder skin because I am really quite upset for many reasons.

OP’s posts: |
PickAChew Thu 14-Mar-19 00:08:24

Diaper? Where are you from?

ThisMustBeMyDream Thu 14-Mar-19 00:11:01

UK. Why?

OP’s posts: |
ThisMustBeMyDream Thu 14-Mar-19 08:05:32

Bumping for the day time input.

OP’s posts: |
PickAChew Thu 14-Mar-19 08:51:40

Just thinking that he was probably chewing on the word because he liked the sound of it, as it's not really in common usage in the UK.

I don't know if you could get direct payments for what you're asking for as it's a very limited pot. It's probably more likely that you would get pointed in the direction of some more specialised groups.

Jaz32 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:31:25

How totally ridiculous from the group leaders! As you say poo head is a common phrase among this age group sen or not and is in no way racist!! I have worked with young children for many years and have 3 of my own, one who has asd & adhd and poo head etc are so common place and it's also better to ignore and redirect/distract rather than make a big deal as a reaction fuels it more.

Diaper - how is that even remotely racist lol! Just boys call them diapers too as they watch a lot of American kids shows/you tube channels lol. The other child wasn't even upset so why are the group leaders making a big deal out of a non event?! Have they ever mentioned any issues with your child before? Do you think they are trying to put you off taking him?

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