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School accusing us of neglect(7 Posts)
I don't know what to do.I had a phone call from my DS aged 9 mainstream school earlier which left me gobsmacked.
DS is youngest of 4 and has ASD.It was the deputy head who called,she has a reputation for practically having a hotline to social services and reporting parents for petty things.
She's not been there long and I'm sure she's trying to stamp her mark on things.
A couple of weeks ago my DS 's 1-2-1 Learning support assistant told me they have to report every incident of a missing P.E kit to the deputy head and it had been noted my DS has been without his kit 3 times (they have P.E twice a week).
We also have issues with my DS and homework etc as he sees school as school and home as home.He doesn't like the 2 overlapping and he finds the overlap frustrating,doing homework,reading etc can be a right ordeal for him and us as parents as he gets himself worked up about it and melts down.
Anyway we had his annual review this week,we discussed that he often seems tired some mornings,he goes to bed at a decent hour and is up at a reasonable time,he sleeps well.I think they confused "being tired" with some symptoms of his ASD eg him withdrawing,being spaced out,not paying attention when he's having a sensory overload or is feeling anxious or overwhelmed as school is a loud,bright place full of distractions.
He's also a very fair child with pale skin,blue eyes and light blonde hair,he never tans,I think his pale pallor can also be mistaken for looking tired.
A During this phone call the deputy head said she was calling as she wanted to see if everything was okay at home.She said it had noted that my DS was tired in the mornings and was wondering if he got enough sleep,I replied he does and the "tiredness" is part of him being him although I think she misinterpreted it.
However what shocked me is that she told me my DS had been seen sitting in a window for quite a long time in his underwear,I wasn't aware we were being watched in our own home.I suspect that it was my neighbour 3 doors down who's just started working at the school.We don't get on as I peeved off her mums neighbour who's her close friend (that's another story).
A sensory issue for my DS is clothes,he hates them.He strips off his uniform as soon as he's home,he might put on a onsie or a dressing gown other times he just wants to wear his pants.He likes lining up his toys on the windowsill which is where he likes to play.
I don't know what she was insinuating with her comment but he's not alone,there's always myself/hubby/older siblings close by even if it's in the next room,he's not in danger,the windows have safety locks on and are doubleglazed with shatterproof glass,the house is sufficiently heated so he's not cold and the front door is locked so no one is going to just walk in.
The only thing she could say is that "it's not nice for him to be in his pants in the window as he's vulnerable" and I need to apparently tell him not to be in the window in his pants but by those standards he shouldn't go swimming in trunks or be on a beach in trunks either.
As far as I'm concerned my DS has a right to be himself and be comfortable in his own home.
I asked her if she was accusing us of neglecting or abusing our son or if we should expect social services our doorstep to which she replied no but I'm not sure I believe her.
We have nothing to hide but I don't want a social worker visiting our house and judging us.I feel very let down by my DS's school and at their lack of understanding of how ASD can affect a child.
This going to sound completely thick but what is a DX?
Yes,7 years ago this month just before his 3rd birthday,it was a fairly straight forward diagnosis.It was obvious,I phoned my health visitor when my DS was 21 months old and told her straight out that I thought my DS had ASD.
Definitely make a complaint about this. Also point out that missing a PE kit three times does not equate to neglect.
Send the Deputy Head a link to the NAS website and suggest she informs herself fully about the nature of autism and/or takes a course on autism. Point out that she is sailing dangerously close to the edge of disability discrimination.