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Things people say that bug you?(45 Posts)
DD is 3 diagnosed with ASD
Theres a few things people say to me that ruffle my feathers, like:
• "but she acts like a normal child/doesn't look autistic"
• "you need to set some rules and discipline her"
• "my friend has a child who is autistic, she doesn't act anything like them"
• "but she just looked at me/spoke to me"
• "She'll eat when she's hungry"
'my friends child is proper autistic'
she is not autistic because she does nto have learning difficulties, said in front of my son who is autistic, and does not have learning difficulties.
Some people are so rude!
I'd be giving them the hard stare and saying, "WTF does autistic look like?"
•"my friend has a child who is retarded too and THEY manage to do x, y and Z"
“He doesn’t look like he has Spina Bifida”
“Dwarfism doesn’t exist”
“I’ve never seen a paralysed kid”
Funnily enough I don’t mind the question “What happened to his legs and feet”? Nor do I hate the question “Why is she small”?
I can use that as a opportunity to raise awareness of both conditions and bust the myths surrounding disability.
'He can't be autistic; he makes eye contact!'
Mil has just said "if she does get diagnosed it's just a label"
Same woman who took off our DDs nappy and said that she'd toilet train if we left her like that for a week 🙄 (now not allowed to see DD)
Also the woman who tells me, "it's just an age thing", "all children do that", "she's doing it for attention", "that's just a tantrum, you need to get down to her level, she needs telling" 😂
My grandparents said ‘oh he’s just like a normal 7 year old now’
He’s not.. they don’t meet many 7 year olds
‘He will grow out of it’
‘Doctors are too quick to diagnose’
If only they knew it can years!!
‘Not many children like hair cuts’
DS acts like he’s being beaten when he has his hair cut. Trembles, sweats, screams, absolutely terrified. Fortunately this is getting better though.
[Post edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]
"Oh look he just said this word"
No he didn't he made a noise that vaguely resembles that word stop trying to make out he is talking when he isn't it makes me feel even worse.
" he will grow out of it/ he isn't that different to other children his age/ it's just the terrible twos"
1. Fuck off 2. we have already been told he has a developmental delay of at least a year and a half, his nursery can't have him for more than 2 hours at a time as they can't cope with his behaviour, he's 3 and still can't do most of the things on his 2 year check but yeah it's fine and there's nothing wrong.
"Ooh he's a handful isn't he" whilst said 3 year old is having a massive melt down. Seriously go away your patronising twatish comments are not helpful right now.
It doesn't help that he looks about 4 or 5 and the shitty judgmental looks and comments we get off of people who just don't understand sometimes are great 👍🏻
rant over now
'it must be quite mild autism then', when I tell people that DD is autistic. There is no such thing as 'mild'!!!
Just because she is what used to be known as 'high functioning' doesn't mean that daily life isn't a struggle for her (and me).
“You’ll see when he talks he’ll be fine”
... nope because he has autism and talking won’t change that.
“He’s clearly intelligent and always thinking”
...why because he looks in our direction every so often?
“He will learn from children his own age”
No and no again.
My favourite NEW one
“Have you heard of stem cells?”
DS has complex hip dysplaysia & had a load of surgery. Also has muscular dystrophy, had shingles 18 times... & other bits.
“He doesn’t LOOK disabled”
“My friend’s sister’s DD had CDH & she just wore a harness. Can they try that?”
“Have you tried homeopathy?”
“The girls will love his scars when he’s older”
When in full frogs leg plaster in pushchair overheard “omg, look, she broke his legs”
and (to DS) “what did mummy do to you?”
In disabled parking bay “he doesn’t look disabled” - to which I followed him round Asda screaming about ‘invisible disabilities’ & him not seeing him while he’s on crutches or in wheelchair.
I try not to let other people's comments bother me now , but tbh I don't tend to get much commented nowadays (or I've just stopped listening out for it) but when my DS was younger & he had no speech I have had hurtful things said & you never forget them!
'He is so naughty'
'He is certainty naughty I have 5 grandsons & they don't behave like your son'
'How do you ever cope with him????'
'You are hurting him (when DS was having a meltdown)'
Just remember that These type of people just are ignorant & have no understanding themselves
Has anybody had experience of somebody claiming their child has special needs, when they've actually been told outright by several drs that there's nothing there?
(They had to go back and have more assessments, the drs exhausted every possibility and all agreed they're not autistic)
The comments that come from the parent about my child really winds me up..
I was just going to say ‘it’s just a label’, you beat me to it!
Or when I say he has a very restricted diet, he only eats x,y,z.....does he eat a, no....does he eat b, no.....does he eat c, no .....what he doesn’t even eat d, no and so on and on and on! If he ate, a,b,c,d,e,f etc he wouldn’t have a restricted diet 🙄
‘mine always ate whatever I put in front of them or went without’ 🙄
‘Have you tried not letting him leave the table’
‘Let him come and stay with me for a week, I’d get him eating’
From my mother I get 'I think it's because you work [that they have a restricted diet]'. Oddly she never seems to make the connection that she has a very restricted diet (and I think she's autistic).
I get it’s because I don’t vary his diet! Doh, why didn’t I think of that!
To quote every teacher EVER: "Often parents say they have fussy eaters, but when the child sees all the others eating their school dinner they'll want to too".
I hope no one minds me saying this, but this thread is actually making me feel slightly better. DS (3) is newly diagnosed with moderate to severe autism and I find it so isolating sometimes. Reading that others have to put up with bollocks spouted by others is really reassuring, even though I'm sorry that everyone on here is going through it too.
My current favourite helpful inputs come from my (otherwise really wonderful) inlaws. They like to point out that DS' speech is 'getting so much better!' Yes, it is. But it's not actually functional speech. He can just repeat words and phrases. It's just babble and echolalia and he still doesn't understand a single thing we say to him.
About my dc1 who has aspergers syndrome: "well it's not like he has proper autism. My friend's niece's hairdresser's postman has a child with proper autism and they never complain and have an immaculate house"
About my dc2 who has SPD and is sat shaking his head from side to side: "Can't they fix that so he looks normal ?"
There are loads more but I can't remember any off the top of my head.
I'm struggling to top that one but how about 'trust you to have a cat with special needs'?
My ex GP told me ‘don’t worry he will grow out of it’ referring to autism
I was so irritated by this comment I had to put her on the spot and question her! Really! So his diagnosis will be removed at some point then? Oh no! So how will I know when he has grown out of it? She actually said when he starts school, he will copy the other children so copying will make his autism disappear? You won’t notice it as much!
I had to leave before I swore!
YY the assumption that sending them to nursery or school will help their development and make them "normal".
DS actually regressed after 3 months in a mainstream school nursery.
She doesn't look autistic.
Today we had someone grumble loudly that we shouldn't be able to jump the queue at a popular day out place. It wasn't fair apparently. I felt like saying I'd stand in all the queues for hours if it meant dd didn't have autism, cos believe me life is a hell of a lot more unfair on her.