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Any news from Aloha's meeting

(104 Posts)
Curmudgeonlett Fri 22-Jun-07 15:38:40

how did it go?

coppertop Fri 22-Jun-07 16:41:05

I saw on the other thread that it didn't go well.

Curmudgeonlett Fri 22-Jun-07 16:42:39

oh shoot .. which thread please coppertop

(Its twig by the way)

Blu Fri 22-Jun-07 16:44:53

On her 'bored' thread in G&T.

She said she would post in SN - but hasn't.

coppertop Fri 22-Jun-07 16:45:20

Hope this link works.

Aloha Fri 22-Jun-07 17:18:03

Hi, sorry, been pacing up and down, grinding my teeth and hyperventilating. Seriously, I think I'm cracking up. I feel completely hysterical.
Meeting - starts with Head rounding on me really aggressively and accusing me of saying things about her behind her back. Obviously I have done - here! But I never talk about ds's situation with people at school, because I don't tell people that he has Aspergers. In fact the only time I got upset about it in school and criticised the head was at a Parents for Inclusion meeting which is supposed to be confidential. I now feel absolutely paranoid that someone is spying on me and she is encouraging them.
Start meeting on this less than friendly footing, and it's just impossible. NObody is prepared to admit that anything could be changed at school to make things better. They absolutely refused to consider a behaviuor support plan or even a home school book until the LEA autism support woman said it might be a good idea. They said, 'It will be very negative for your ds to read' - ffs - it's not for him, it's for us, and it's as negative as they make it!
I tried to explain what I was doing to help him (social stories etc) and was told they all had thought I was obstructive and 'frightening' (not that they talk about me behind my back, of course ).
There was no question of allowing me to observe him in the classroom.
That I was lying about the lack of communication. That was quite funny - 'we did a golden book for him!' 'no you didn't' 'oh, that was another child'. We told you about these assessments we'd had done on him' 'no you didn't' 'oh, no, we didn't want to share that with you yet (hastily puts away papers)'
At one point they actually admitted that the reception numeracy and literacy was 'totally irrelevant' to ds but that it was only in the last week or so had begun to consider extension work, yet told us 'you expect too much from him. He is only five' '

We were told off for saying 'but he doesn't do that at home', when, last week, we were pulled aside (in full sight of all the parents in ds's class) and told all the awful things he is apparently doing. That wasn't 'helpful' and was 'intimidating' which is why nobody talks to me (after telling me that they do communicate with me).
At the end I tried very hard to be conciliatory and said 'Look, I'm sorry if I have ever come over as aggressive but I am very worried about my little boy because he does have a disability', and the TA leaned forward and said 'Yes, you are very over-protective. Very over-protective' and I just thought, fuck this for a game of soldiers.
End result: Extreme mutual antipathy
Realisation that yet again his IEP is overdue for review and that nothing in it has been done.
A promise that the G%T coordinator will see him.
A home/school book.
That's it.

Oh, and I was told he was deliberately strangling children and he had an 'obsession' with strangling children with a skipping rope. Ask ds about it - total bafflement and astonishment - 'I'm not strangling them. I'm playing at tying them up', which is a stupid game a (totally NT but very bossy) little girl at the nursery instigated with him until I told her not to. He clearly thinks it is a normal game.
No wonder he wasn't responding to punishment - he clearly had no bleeding idea what he was being punished for.
Also when the 'strangling' thing was first mentioned last week, the TA said, 'what are you letting him watch?' which made me
I was even told that they'd decided his behaviour was the result of something we'd done at half term

I am very seriously now considering removing him in three weeks and looking for another place for him. I never want to speak to anyone at his school again, tbh.

Aloha Fri 22-Jun-07 17:18:35

Blimey, that was long. Sorry. NObody has to read it.
Synopsis. Shit meeting, head hates me, no progress.

dustystar Fri 22-Jun-07 17:21:46

Oh god aloha that is so sad. i am really angry for you[angry} and ds. Thats sounds so similar to what we went through at ds first school.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Fri 22-Jun-07 17:24:34

Gawd Aloha. It sounds to me that it isn't that this school can't cope with him. They don't want to cope, they don't want to put in the extra effort.

No real advice - I think you know that moving him is the best option. The relationship between you and school is possibly beyond repair Sorry it's all so crap.

dustystar Fri 22-Jun-07 17:25:00

It sounds to me like you might want to think of moving him somewhere else. It got this bad for us and I just knew i couldn't have my children in a school with that evil witch as head

That time was absolutely the hardest and most upsetting of my life. i was told i was overemotional etc and I just thought - what the fuck do you expect he's my baby?

DS is doing really well now in a different school and they couldn't be more helpful and open.

silverfrog Fri 22-Jun-07 17:26:06

I'm sorry the meeting was so awful, Aloha. Have to say I'm expecting similar when I see dd's nursery next week...

Did you get to the bottom of the assessments they'd had done but didn't want to share with you? (extraordinary!)

It must be very frustrating to have it assumed that any behaviours such as the "strangling" thing are as a result of something happening at home - have they not noticed he's surrounded by other children at school?

What a nightmare

LIZS Fri 22-Jun-07 17:26:59

how patronising and unconstructive. I'm so sorry

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 22-Jun-07 17:27:44


Am very sorry to read that this meeting went badly. It is all too clear to me that they are not interested in any suggestions of help and do not want your son there under any circumstances.

Get him out of there permanently asap.

If you do get a Statement for your son you can name the school (the proposed statement will leave a space for the school's name to be inserted). If the LEA refuse the statement you must appeal.

Aloha Fri 22-Jun-07 17:28:31

No, I don't know what the assessment was! Apparently he's 'AI' in reading and 'on the P scale' in social interaction...and then I say, 'what does that mean'...the SENCO suddently closes the file and say 'this isn't supposed to be for the general public/ general consumption' or something similar. As dh said, we aren't 'general consumption' we are his fricking parents'.

Aloha Fri 22-Jun-07 17:29:50

Dustystar, I feel half-mad! Honestly I do. I feel stretched as tight as a violin wire. And I might go PING at any moment.

Aloha Fri 22-Jun-07 17:30:31

They keep saying they 'want the best for ds', with a strong whiff of 'despite you' about it.

alison222 Fri 22-Jun-07 17:30:50

Oh Aloha I want to cry for you and your DS
I can't beleive the difference between the attitude at your DS's school and that at mine.

DS only got the letter confirming his DX yesterday but they have been so helpful so far and we are currently trying to arrange a meeting while we wait for the full assesment and suggestions from the hospital for things we can do to help DS settle and work in class better. His teacher is so lovely and helpful it makes me so sad for you.

What can I say. I think you should look at the other schools near you if this is thier attitude

coppertop Fri 22-Jun-07 17:30:59

They sound absolutely dire.

(and if there is a school spy out there reading this, I hope you print out these replies and show them to the Head)

If they can't even be bothered with basic stuff like IEP targets, social stories and home-school books then I'm afraid there's no hope for them.

Mercy Fri 22-Jun-07 17:31:26

Good grief I don't know the background to this but no parent should be spoken to like this - and no child treated this way either.

Can you speak to one of the Governors?

silverfrog Fri 22-Jun-07 17:31:42

God how dare they! Why on earth would they think that any info they have is not to be shared with you when you are in a crisis meeting to sort out what's best for your ds? Could understand them not mentioning it if all going well, but since you're all there because the school is having trouble coping, then you'd think they might want to explore every avenue...

Agree with others that is sounds as though the school just doesn't want to cope, or try to understand at all.

dustystar Fri 22-Jun-07 17:32:18

I'm sure you are entilted to read ANYTHING that they write about him. I will check with my Mum later (she is a SENCO). I am sitting here fuming that someone else is having to go through this

LIZS Fri 22-Jun-07 17:32:23

"They keep saying they 'want the best for ds', with a strong whiff of 'despite you' about it." Managing him out perhaps ? He deserves so much better.

coppertop Fri 22-Jun-07 17:33:41

Of course they should be telling you if he's on the P-scales for something. He's your child! Don't they have to give you a copy of his school records if you ask for them? It might be worth putting in an official request to see what they've got.

bossykate Fri 22-Jun-07 17:34:03

i am very, very sorry to read this

i think you need to move him, tbh. i don't see how you can move on from this. sorry not to be more help.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Fri 22-Jun-07 17:34:51

Hmm - why not request copies of his file - quote the Data Protection Act.

It probably says he needs support and they've not acted on it. Not surprised they don't want you to see it. Grrrr.

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