Ds won’t stop hitting me

[MissMalteser]

Ds 2.5 is autistic, non verbal and developmentally delayed also, he is usually the sweetest boy ever, very placid and easily pleased. Recently he has taken to slapping me, kicking and pulling my hair, it’s only me he does this to! And when I tell him no and remove him from me he just laughs or toddles off, Im unsure about why he’s doing it, he acts like it’s a sign of affection? He will also sometimes hurt himself but that seems to be frustration and not in the same way he does it to me? For context he can sometimes lash out like this up to 20 times a day and I’ve just had a punch that I think is going to blacken my eye 😩
Has anyone any experience with this and hooooow do I get him to stop?

[LittleMy77]

No real help unfortunately but DS is just 3 and has started doing exactly the same in the last 6 weeks, and its getting worse. Its only to me and inanimate objects (blinds, sofa, walls etc) and he does it when he's frustrated - can be because we've told him not to do something, we've said no, we've turned off a favorite song etc. Telling him it hurts / makes me sad / etc makes no impact whatsoever

He has a speech delay and I'm pretty sure its related as he can't find the words or find them quick enough to tell us whats going on.

He has a speech therapist who Ive asked to make this a priority for sessions, but I've also started reading "the explosive child' as recommended on here which I'm hoping might help us reframe some of it. I'm only two chapters in atm but i'm quietly hopeful as a lot of it seems to describe our situation to a tee

[spader1987]

Ds used to do something similar when he was little. He used to think it was very funny when other people hurt themselves and would throw things at me or pull my hair because of the reaction he got. He seemed to enjoy the noise and fuss and didn't understand that he was hurting me as he had no understanding of emotions.
The only thing that worked for us and this is difficult was to show no reaction at all and removing him away. He gradually stopped doing it and moved onto the next behaviour!

Ds is now 8, he is autisitc, has a severe learning disability and is totally non verbal. The frustration thing is a difficult one. Ds when very upset will hit himself in the head over and over. This has become less frequent as we have become better at dealing with his triggers. He will also lash out at others when frustrated, mainly at school. Most of this is communication related. The more we have worked on communication with him the more this has improved. He also has major sensory issues so finding triggers here has also helped massively.

All this is easy to say but very difficult in practice. A lot is trial and error and finding what works for you and ds.

If you don't mind me asking, do you use any alternative communication methods with your ds?

[MissMalteser]

Thank for your replies
@spader1987 we tried him with the pecs a few months ago and we where unsuccessful, but both me and his salt think it’s worth trying again as there has been a big improvement in his attention span levels recently which wasn’t there before. I’m really hopeful it works for even a few basics but to be honest when he hits me it seems different to when he lashes out in frustration, we can sometimes be sitting together quietly watching tv or having a snack and he will look into my eyes, smile and wallop me!

[spader1987]

It was different for us also. He's defiantly getting something out of it, whether that's your reaction or something sensory. Finding out what that is is the difficult part. With him being non verbal consistency of how you deal with it is important. The more violent behaviours are always the most difficult. The biggest lesson i had to learn was it's not personal nor is it pleasant. Your clearly doing a great with your ds, it is a behaviour that will pass.

Ds wasn't ready the first time we tried pecs also. It wasn't till he was about 3.5 that he really took to it. My advice would be to start with something that is highly motivating to your ds. For my son it was fireman sam and chocolate buttons.
If you need any advice on making your own pecs let me know.

[livpotter]

Ugh we went through a stage like this with my ds at about he same age. He seems to have grown out of it now (5).

The method that worked for us was getting up and walking away every time he did it. If I engaged at all ds would find it hilarious, which was infuriating.

He now understands the makaton for sad and realises that he's upset who he has hurt.

Do you think it could partially be sensory? You could keep an ABC chart and try and see if there are specific triggers for it.

[JessicaKenny2018]

My little boy does this as well, he is waiting on an autism assessment so can't 100% say that he is on the spectrum but our paediatrician says she's pretty certain.
He is 33 months he only lashes out at me and his sister, he is non verbal, and can get very frustrated.

[Takiwatanga]

Would second an ABC chart. Sounds sensory. My soon lashes out, but this is when anxious. He does it mainly to me as I'm his person. Iyswim. We are like an extension of eachother and it's almost like he doesn't see himself without me, I can't even explain this, but it's such a deep connection. This is because he is autistic. So as much as it sucks he hits me more than anyone else, I also love that I have a connection with him like no one else and feel very fortunate to experience this level of connection with someone.

I am aware I may sound like a crazy lady, sorry...

[Takiwatanga]

To try and clarify : as I am a part of him, as he is me, I feel he lashes out more at me as I'm his safe space. ❤️

[JessicaKenny2018]

Takiwatanga I completely understand my son is exactly the same with me

[JessicaKenny2018]

Portage said to me they literally see you as there safe person

[Takiwatanga]

@jessica, woah relieved someone else gets it! It's such a profound connection and relationship, as hard as it can be, I truly feel so lucky to have such a deep connection...

[JessicaKenny2018]

@Takiwatanga I completely understand, I tried going back out to work earlier this year and had to leave eventually because my dh said my little boy was just sitting by the front door the whole time I was out and wouldn't move till I got home

[Takiwatanga]

Oh bless him!

[Olderbyaminute]

OP best of luck it must be so hard! Spader1987 My son with CP is essentially non verbal (says mama dada oh no) he has IPad with a software program on it called Pro Loquo 2 Go with thousands of words and phrases on it that he uses to communicate (when he feels like it) it is a godsend