CAMHS DONT HELP ME!!

[MummySMB]

If anyone else feels the same please do tell me I’m not alone!!!!!
My daughter was 3 when she started a course of intensive psychotherapy with Camhs for what we’ve always been told is for “attachment difficulties, hyper vigilance and hyper mania, as well as symptoms of a deep disturbed world almost as if she’s depressed”. She’s now 6 and all we’ve had is stress and confusion, no support or strategies!!! She self harmed - with a knife and I still don’t know why or how it come to this. I was too scared to contact our Camhs worker- rightly too! - I’ll fill you in soon! She’s finally got an appointment with a Psychiatrist but her Camhs worker 1 of 2 will be attending- which worries me!

Basically, Camhs have reported me for neglecting my daughters needs whenever I’ve cancelled her session for big reasons- such as my Dad’s heart surgery, and a few weeks later he had his nerve surgery on his brain. I’m 23, and I live over 300 miles away from him! But because I left my little girl with her paternal grandparents in Devon whilst I was in the North of the country I was reported. I’ve also been told her behaviours are down to my lack of love, bond and care for my daughter DESPITE having Social Services observe over many years and express they have no parenting or relationship or safeguarding concerns and they believe from working with my daughter 1:1 AWAY FROM ME that the underlying problem is psychological and not behavioural!!!!

How the hell is the psychiatrist going to help us when I can’t even get the psychotherapist to believe me and help me!

My daughter is suffering and by day becoming more challenging? She is not a happy child and all I want and wish for is that she can get a good nights sleep without the anxiety attack’s waking her and for her to have a good day, a day without a deep depression, without all the confused aggression!!!


Please if you have dealt with similar or have a child like my precious little lady, please do share anything that may help!

With love

A Mother and daughter in need x

[Viewoffriday]

Can you describe more what your daughter is like? Or do you think she might have ASC and its been missed? Girls' autism is often missed and can be mistaken for attachment disorder.

[MummySMB]

Yes ofcourse, it has always been in the back of our mind as school and others have said she shows signs off it.
She is very particular with what she likes and dislikes and if you give her something that she dislikes it’s not your usual I don’t want that attitude we have full blown emotional outbursts that involve her damaging things in or around the house, anything she can throw even if in public or someone else’s home and she will hit herself with a closed fist in the head or pinch herself or bite herself and sometimes anyone trying to reassure her will too be hurt. These are often ended by sade restraint and the fact she becomes exhausted. She goes from hyperactive to aggressive, she gets overwhelmed by almost everything. We had to move her schools because the class size was too big that she would run and hide rather than participate. She can’t go for a trip into town with us or to any child based days out as she will run off and go missing first opportunity. -we have tried her on reigns- alongside her 2 year old brother she feels punished which can again cause an outburst. She doesn’t sleep very well at all, she’s been on melatonin for well over a year now and we still have constant wakings through the night and anything from 3am starts to our days! We’re just exhausted and want help! Social services recommended we made her a sensory corner, we’ve done this and named it her chill corner for when things are too much and this is about the only thing that has worked! Camhs mocked this and told me everything comes down to her anxiety of relationships!
Hope this gives you a clearer understanding and thank you for replying😊

[MummySMB]

I missed that she has 0 self confidence and will get angry and question herself if she has a happy few hours without an outburst or if she achieves something. She also sits looking in the mirror obsessed with her appearance and will ask anyone - even strangers if she’s a good girl and if she’s pretty😢 No amount of reassurance has helped that part of her yet and it really makes us sad as parents x

[Viewoffriday]

Oh you poor things. That's devastating.

What jumps out is that you and her need a diagnosis. You all need to know that this isn't your fault, any of you.

So, her current school, will they refer you to the ASC diagnosis services where you are, or are you hopeful that the psychiatrist will be alert to ASC?

Do you have a local charity that represents parents with children with special needs?

Sorry, I'm not being much use, but it's so hard to know where to point you, as you're being so failed by those who should help you.

[MummySMB]

I’ve pleaded for a diagnosis just so we can be turned to the right support for us but all I get is “labelling children makes things worse and we don’t want to label her”.
The school are just as out of sync with Camhs as myself and social services are. With the main TA from my daughters class telling me to “Not let them bully me and fight for her help”. Don’t think I’ve mentioned she’s had therapy 3 time a week for two years but her therapy came to an abrupt end in June as he’s on sick for something or other and still isn’t back to continue! I was hopeful that her seeing a Psychiatrist and another person able to hear our pleas would be the light at the end of journey of finding out what we can do to help however I’m so so worried that the fact the other camhs member who’s supposedly parent support - with all her concerns of me abusing and neglecting my daughter - is also attending? Is this protocol or is it just clouding our chances at a second opinion? I don’t even know my rights when it comes to this. I’m certain she needs a new therapist - he is a trainee which I have nothing against as we all start somewhere but I can’t help but feel if my little girl had a chance with a more experienced therapist that this difficult time may have been shortened less than 2 years? That may be wrong of me to believe but after two years coming out of my uni course 3 times a week whilst dumping my 2 year old off on anyone family or friends who can have him, I’m just done, fed up and exhausted of the system we have to go through to access help😓

[MummySMB]

And as for a local charity, we do but only if the child has an education health plan or a probable or complete diagnosis - which we have none👌🏼

[Viewoffriday]

What about asking school senco to refer your child on to the ASC diagnosis pathway in your borough? Or your GP?

[MummySMB]

I’ve managed today to get in contact with PALS to get some advice on camhs complaints procedures and further support for our family. School Senco is meeting with me later this week. We went to the GP a few months ago and again they can’t do anything until the Psychiatrist has assessed my daughter. I really do appreciate all the advice- thank you x

[Nettleskeins]

It sounds like an ASC to me, and presumably pyschotherapy would be the wrong treatment for that. You need a proper psychiatric assessment to rule out autism.

I think there are NICE guidelines on what the best strategies for autism related behaviours, and that would overlap with some attachment difficulties but it is a different diagnosis, and a very important one to have if that is what is causing her anxiety and distress.

I wonder whether it is just the insistence of going to these appointments which makes things worse for her.

I have a child with ASD, showing behaviours at three but not diagnosed till 8, and he never ever benefited from pyschotherapy. Strategies yes, like your description of sensory room, but not 1:1 with a therapist. A kind TA who nurtured him, yes, loving kind adults in school and at home but not an appointment with a therapist. Way too heavy handed and obtrusive, not surprised poor little girl is anxious and self conscious.

Lorna Wing specialising in diagnosis of girls, I think.

[spinabifidamom]

Can you ask for a diagnosis?

Insist on a psychiatrist appointment for your child as well. Essentially a proper one should tell you whether or not it is autism or something else. How old is she now?

My daughter is approaching 2 and I have been wondering if she has autism lately or not. She loves to scream at her twin brother and us sometimes when she gets frustrated. We are currently getting her to see a therapist so she can finally get appropriate therapy and family support.

Is your little girl at school or not?

My little girl attends a local daycare once a week near my apartment with her twin brother.

[MummySMB]

We have questioned camhs several times asking what they do in her therapy and how it’s supposed to help as she hates going, I have to force her into the car and even when we’re there she will run and hide rather than go in with him!

I’m hoping the psychiatrist appointment she has been given in November will allow him to see new light with her and hopefully give us something more than we’ve had.

She’s 6, and in year 1 at school. Her school suggested to me yesterday that they think she may be sensory triggered as they’ve noticed she becomes more challenging for them when noise is loud or when rooms as busy or something is rushed. They’ve asked me about getting her some headphones but again the price of them isn’t exactly in our budget of “try me’s”.

Again I just need to try and get the Camhs worker removed from attending the Psychiatrist meeting as she is full of negative feedback and is obsessed with my little girls difficulties being child neglect rather than actually looking at the psychological side that every one else is seeing!

[Marshmallow09er]

I’ve also been told her behaviours are down to my lack of love, bond and care

what a dreadful thing for a professional to say. It's a return to the extremely damaging refrigerator mother theory.

I agree there's enough in your posts to warrant a proper multi disciplinary ASC assessment.

If your DD isn't properly being supported at school (due to not having the right diagnosis) then the anxiety of that will make her unhappy and explosive.

I agree with PP that any 1:1 therapy will be limited in what it can provide - what she needs is support in the environments that are causing the anxiety- don't underestimate how much it might be costing her to 'manage' at school - this is sometimes referred to as 'masking' and then it's at home you see the fallout and explosive behaviours as a result of the DC having to hold it together all day.

The book The Explosive Child by Dr Ross Greene has been an excellent resource for us.

I really hope you can get the right professionals involved. Our experience with CAHMS was that their understanding of how ASD can present was very narrow and limited (my DS makes good eye contact for example, loves spending time with other children, but is very definitely autistic).

[MummySMB]

Ive had quite a few unprofessional criticism from the female worker over the past few months, an example of this would be when my daughter spat in my face, I didn’t react as I didn’t even think, I shouted at her. She then cut herself with a knife and the Camhs worker told me that effectively that’s my fault as I heightened her emotions by shouting so I made her feel that unloved!

We have heard of masking, school often say she’s been fine with only very few incidents spread across a period of time. However home is constant explosive outbursts of aggression, and it doesn’t matter who’s here, it could be us (her parents and 2 year old brother), Nanny & Grandad, other family, friends, even in front of the social worker!

She can do eye contact and can be so so happy but as we’ve learnt, every bit of happiness or excitement comes crashing down with a really dark twist😓

[MummySMB]

UPDATE

I went for an introduction session at a new school this morning that I was supposed to be joining as a 1:1 TA. The time I was there seemed welcoming and positive. This evening I received a phone call explaining that several things have come to light- concerns. From camhs. For my ability to support children effectively. My job offer was retracted and iced with the information that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to work at any of the organisations other schools anytime soon.

Are they really allowed to fuck up everything?

YES I was very young when I had my daughter
BUT I WORKED HARD
I stayed in education despite our difficulties and despite my family growing to my loving man and our two year old dumpling I stayed dedicated and completed nearly 4 years of Teacher training as well as specialising in SEN and English to now be kicked back down!

Is it fair to say I really just want to give up now?

[Viewoffriday]

I think you need legal help. Nothing about this sounds right. I'm not an expert but this sounds like bullying and intimidation. I just don't understand how camhs are allowed to intervene in your employment. It's so outrageous.

A pp had mentioned a multidisciplinary assessment. Can you ask school senco how that works where you are? The risk is that it goes through camhs.

[MummySMB]

I think after yesterday I’m going to seek some help from our local citizens advice. It’s really unfair and it feels so so personal. The fact my daughter has been out of therapy since July and they still can’t tell me what’s happening with that. But they can in a way control the rest of my life. It’s hurtful and I don’t even know if I can bring myself to face camhs for any upcoming meetings.
I think I’m going to discuss this one with the social worker involved. My daughters school have just had a new Senco take over and she’s still playing catch up with our situation.

[BlankTimes]

So sorry you're having to deal with all of that on top of trying to get the right interventions put into place to help your DD.
Definitely start with CAB.

Can't help with the other stuff but you mentioned ear protection being out of budget.
Some noise-cancelling headphones are in to 3 figures, but you may be able to try these types within budget.

www.argos.co.uk/product/2556363
£9.99 lots of reviews

www.earshotcommunications.co.uk/shop/product/3m-peltor-hi-viz-kid-eardefenders-green-pink/
Google for these for price comparison. I paid £16.79 inc delivery last year.

[MummySMB]

Thank you for the links, I’ll take a look at them when she’s in gymnastics at 1 ☺️

Also a big thank you to all of you for your support through this hard time💜

[BlankTimes]

Another thought.
If you are such a terrible parent and your treatment of your dd is causing her problems, why isn't your son behaving in a similar way, showing signs of difficulty, whatever crap they have alleged etc?

We’re just exhausted and want help! Social services recommended we made her a sensory corner, we’ve done this and named it her chill corner for when things are too much and this is about the only thing that has worked! Camhs mocked this and told me everything comes down to her anxiety of relationships!

Please get her assessed outside the CAMHS area of influence

The fact that the sensory tent (suggested by Soc Servs) has helped her a lot indicates that she has sensory issues. An OT specialising in paediatric sensory issues could assess for that, but she's better being assessed by a multi-disciplinary team.

Going private always runs the risk of someone in the NHS saying they won't acknowledge the findings, BUT if you can arrange said assessment with a team that also work for the NHS/are NHS accredited, like the Lorna Wing Centre, then they will have to recognise the diagnosis.

labelling children makes things worse and we don’t want to label her
CAHMS need to understand a diagnosis of autism is carried out by medical professionals, therefore it's a full medical diagnosis. Do they discount other medical diagnoses with such comments?
Labels are things anyone can stick on a suitcase.