DD was sent to see the headmistress yesterday!

[ThomCat]

Blimey - she's only 5.5!

She spent 50% of the day hitting her friends in the face or pushing them. Apparently for the other 50% she was delightfula nd worked well.

She would be told off and made to apologise and then int eh next second she's sort of flapped rather than slapped, somonmeone else int he face! So she was sent to the headmistresses as it was quiet there and could be told off and warned about her behaviour without the noise and disruption from the rest of the class, more than anything else.

Not liking this behaviour though. She's pushed Eve a couple of times, and I alawys tell her very quickly that it's dangerous to push and makes mummy and Eve sad. Never seen her hit anyone but then I have seen Eve sort of flap Charloote across the face before so maybe she's learnt it from her.

Oh blimey, it's gone from shouting to this.

Anyone else experiencing anything similar and what do you do about it?

Yesterday we made sure she didn't get her DVD treat at nana's house after school and I spoke to her about it as soon as I saw her and told her she wasn't allowed a story and put her to bed an hour early and explained, using keywords only, why. She was asleep within 2 minutes so perhaps she was extra tired from our weekend away but that's no excuse for hitting and pushing.

[Blu]

TC - the good / bad thing is that this is 100% normal. Where have you been, woman, MN is chokker with threads about 5 year-olds hitting people at school, hitting siblings! It's possible that lottie has taken a little while longer to reach this delightful stage, but it sounds as if you are dealing with it v well. Lots of children from DS's reception and Yr1 class get to sit outside the Heads office, where they sit quietly and calm down and reflect. it isn't terribly draconian, i thnk. Good that they are treating lottie full on rather than pandering to her because of her statement or whatever. Firm explanations, consisten firm response, and she will stop it ve soon, i am sure.

UNLESS you think there is anyhting else going on - like she feels frustrated at school by something?

[Kelly1978]

I agree with blu. ds1 has jsut started full time school, and seems to have turned into a right violent little so and so, and he is usually abnormally passive. I'm actualyl happy that he is doing something that is totally NT, evne if the twins are getting the brunt of it. I think you are dealing with it really well, and it should be a phase that passes fairly quickly. I think it's jsut something about school.

[ThomCat]

Thanks Blu I guess you're right, no, I know you're right, just horrid when it's your child doing the hitting.

I don't think she's frustrated, think she's tired from a weekend away at friends and a traffic jam all the way home on the M1 that meant she wetnt o bed 2.5 hours late on Sunday.

Plus a bit of EndofTermitus!

At least she knew she had done wrong, she told me straight away - 'Larlott smack Adam, Bowers (teacher) cross, mummy sad'!

I just worry that school may be a bit much when i hear this sort of thing. Would she be better at a SN school, am I doing the right thing, am I failing her, will other kids start to exclude her?

I guess I see how she's got on today and just keep an eye on this behaviour.

[ThomCat]

Sorry, posts crossed, thanks Kelly.

[coppertop]

I think at least part of it will be due to the end of term getting closer. In ds1's class this week there have been a few children in tears, pushing, hitting etc. These are Yr2 children who are usually fine and have no SN. I imagine similar things are happening in the Reception class too.

Hopefully the half-term break will help improve things.

[gess]

TC- what behavioural strategies do the shcool have in place? I'm not sure I agree that children with SN should be treated the same way as NT children when it comes to dealing with behaviours (mainly because I think often it will result in behaviours escalating). When ds1 was in ms mismanagement of his behaviours (because basically they had no idea what they were doing) was a huge problem. Are the school getting any advice on how to manage behaviours?

[tobysmumkent]

Message withdrawn

[Blu]

Yes, sorry (re gess post) - didn't mean to imply that all strategies should be the same...but whatever strategies they have - they are using them. I just meant that the school hadn't just brushed it aside and treated it as unimportant.

Anyway, TC, it seems that Lottie is completely aware of and understands all the issues involved, but maybe have a chat with the school about strategies etc - and make sure she isn't overoaded with 'stuff' around it.

Anyway, tiredness explains an awful lot.

[gess]

Read your first post again- be really careful with pushing/hitting/pinching/thumping (the last 2 are from my experience!). The "normal" reaction to anything physical is BIG, BIG, BIG responses, lots of people getting excited- oh my god DS1 LOVED that response-it can be so inappropriate for children with learning difficulties and we very quickly escalated to a major problem at mainstream, where anyone coming near him would get pinched to see what reaction they gave. He then had favourites (who shouted a lot) that he would try and go for, and his LSA spent half the time trying to shield them. The school wouldn't let him near the other children as they were scared he would pinch them (he probably wouldn;t have, he tends to go only for adults).

He still pinches new people now, years later, but at his school they know not to give any reaction at all and it soon mutates to a touch with an "ayan" (hands down). His escorts were talking about it the other day when a new escort joined his bus.

It's so important that schools understand these issues, and have a good understanding of reinforcement and learning difficulties. I was talking about it to a behavioural specialist I know very well a few years ago (she saw what was going on with ds1 in mainstream and came and told me I had to be on the ball or we were going to end up with years of behavioural problems- she was shocked at ds1's behaviour at ms school as she had only seen him at home, and said it was all due to mismanagement)- she said that she had repeatedly seen children build up behaviours unecessarily because of poor management and it drove her mad.

Sorry I don't mean to be negative, but I have seen this type of behaviour go from non-existence to major problem in ds1 - and if no-one deals with it- it is a MAJOR problem. The only time its a problem now really for us is when my MIL visits as she insists on shrieking and making a big deal out of being pinched, and so she goes home covered in bruises, but still it's a behaviour that's there 4 years after it started, and it reactivates quickly as soon as its not dealt with correctly.

Do the school have access to behavioural support?

[ThomCat]

God you're a great lot aren't you! Gess - on your postr and Fio's I'm going to have a meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss the points you raise. I think they do have a special way in dealign with her and they do get supportive. However I want to be absolutley sure and not hazy so am having a meeting.

Your posts on thsese things are invalauable and I am incredibly grateful to you, thank you, xxx