How do I help my son with an ASD?

[MissPitstop]

Hi

I am new to mumsnet and chatting on the web so please bare with me if I don't use the correct terminology etc!! I have just finished reading the various threads by you all aboutyour kids and ASD and wondered if anyone could help me.

After months of blaming myself for my sons 'unreasonable' behaviour (HVs less than kind words), violent moods, self harming, his unhappy face and unloving nature, 18 months ago my eldest son was given a diagnosis of ASD. Unfortunately we had to move homes weeks later due to husbands job(hes in the army). I decided to give up my job as the shifts I worked were not helping and read every book I could get from NAS to help me understand better.

As soon as we moved to Northern Ireland I asked our Dr to refer us to the relevant childrens centre for help/advise/support etc.I am still waiting to be seen by anyone despite the Dr and my health visitor chasing up the referal. At the moment we just muddle through trying to cope with the violent outbursts and avoid supermarkets/shopping trips etc(after a very traumatic visit to Tescos one Sat afternoon)

We are now due to move again to N. Yorkshire next month and wanted to know how long should I expect to wait for a new referal? What help should I be asking for? Does anyone have any lifesaving handy hint that might help us cope or get us the support that we need?

[MrsWho]

You realy need Gess, resident ASD expert but I'll start

How old is he?
I would have thought that the referral would be passed on to the next hospital/CDC?

Do he have a routine?One of the best things is a schedule for helping a child understand what is happening next.Use photos/pictures/symbols anything that he understands and go through it with him
Start with first is breakfast next Tesco
then add more things as he understands so you can have a full day on it if he can understand it.

[MissPitstop]

Hi

He is 8.

We have a fairly rigid routine, most of which developed when he got distressed when we did something different. ie. he has his breakfast in his PJs, then gets dressed, then brushes his teeth etc. Tea is at 5pm unless I warn him that it wont be but this nearly always end up with him getting so upset that he cant eat anything. I have a class timetable from his teacher so we can talk through what he will be doing in class each day and we have a calander which I keep up to date with any upcoming events. I try to talk him through what we will be doing each day, sometimes this helps him plan his day but if he has plans of his own that they don't match then he gets very upset.

[MrsWho]

I was imagining a younger child

Well thats where the real clashes come in.
Is there any time for fitting in his choices?DOes he go for we will do X then Y then your choice?

This can be difficult as it depends on what he wants to do.On child I know just wants time to flap his paper so it is easy to fit in a day where as another doesn't want to leave the car so its more difficult.

Gess may have better suggestions as Iam dealing with it from a work perspective rather than home.

[MissPitstop]

I have had to really develop my negotiating skills over the last 18 months. Most of the things he wants to do avoid interaction with others (a way of him coping and staying calm I guess) he likes doing maths sums, reading and learing his soccer stats, playing on his PS2 (but wont play games with others)I usually try and let him do what he wants to do for an hour then tell him the time we will be going to go out and reassure him that the activity will also be availiable when we get back too. But he will only do certain things on set days swimming on Sunday am, shopping on saturday... if I offer to take him swimming on a monday he doesn't want to go even though he loves swimming because he goes swimming on a sunday!

[pagwatch]

Hi
your son sounds like mine! i have found a few things that help.
DS has a start chart and he gets a star for anything that he finds difficult ( latest one brushing his hair without WW3). The reward is something that he REALLY wants. He is obbsessed with DVD's and Videos so I get them on ebay which makes it much cheaper.
I also use pictures and symbols for difficult things as although he can ubnderstand well it has gradually dawned on me that when he starts to get anxious/upset his language seems to drop off. It is like he is so upset and focussed on being upset that he can't concentrate on what I am saying. At that point I back off and give him the pictures and time to digest and calm down, He gets stars for getting "nice and calm". I also found that the more upset he got the more I would do what woith my other kids and would try to reason with him when actually the more i talked and interacted with hime at that point the more I added to rather than reduced his stress level. Now, a year on, he can just hold my hand and calm himself in about 90% of stressy situations.
I know this is also going to sound bizarre but my DS is allowed to wear a hoody type top when we go out and sometimes if he isgetting upset he can kind of hide in there and that helps hime calm.
It is really tough I know - I was asked to leave Waitrose once and the comments when we were out used to be pretty upsetting but we can go anywhere now. Time a patience may help - and I always try to focus on how incredibly anxious he must be feeling to be so upset. Hard though! Good luck.

[JAKEJEM]

MissPitStop - Please email me - [email protected] - we are a military family also in Northern Ireland. Have son with ASD - have battled everyone over the last 3 years including Child Development Centre etc etc, and know who to ask for etc. May be able to help you. Will be back online later when I get a chance. Kind regards, Nikki.

[MissPitstop]

Thanks for your messages

The bit about the hoody doesnt sound that weird, my son hides in his hood or tries to get up the sleeve of his coat when he is in a situation that he doesn't like, if neither of these are available he pulls at his hair instead.

Today has been really hard, it took me 6 pairs of socks this am before he found a pair that didn't feel funny. We have just had an hour long tantrum about his homework, his regular class teacher is off this week and he has a supply teacher which has really unsettled him.