Misophonia - opinions wanted please

[Dancergirl]

About 15 months ago, my youngest dd (now 11) developed an intense dislike of the sound of people eating. She has super sensitive hearing anyway and can't block out external noises when watching TV for example. But the eating issue is causing the most problems at home.

During this time, dd was eating with us at the table wearing headphones listening to music. But she finds that difficult too so now eats in a different room. When we eat out as a family she manages ok and she's ok eating at school.

We have found out that she is probably on the autistic spectrum, we are getting her assessed at the moment.

I have posted about this before as mealtimes are a nightmare at the moment. I feel like a bloody waitress taking dd's meals into the other room (we have another table for her to sit at), taking her fruit, running in and out etc. She can't really come and fetch things herself in case we are eating. This has gone on for months Dd herself also hates not being with the family for meals. No-one else in the family can take one bite of food with dd in the room and it's exhausting. This is giving dd far too much power and control.

I was talking to a family member today. I am close to her and she cares about me very much. Her opinion was this - by doing what we've been doing, it is giving the message to dd that she is different and making dd that there is something to worry about. She thinks we should largely ignore it, put dd's food on the family dinner table and tell her it's there. Give her a pair of ear-plugs if that's better for her. She thinks what we're doing isn't doing dd any favours in the long run. I just thought I was trying to make things easier for her.

I know for sure that dd's sensitivities are worse if she is stressed or anxious. Maybe by doing what we've been doing we've actually made dd more stressed...?

I remember reading somewhere that whilst parents should take their dc's worries seriously, it's our job not to pander to or fuel things that aren't harmful or dangerous to our dc, ie remain calm and positive.

Opinions please? I am emotionally drained with trying to find the best way to deal with this.

[theuntameableshrew]

I have misophonia. The severity waxes and wanes depending on my stress levels etc. It is intensely awful listening to my husband eat (noisy chewer) and I frequently have to beg him to stop chewing near me when he does (he knows it really upsets me but isn’t always mindful of being considerate) or I run and leave the room, it’s horrible, very upsetting

This is giving dd far too much power and control I don’t agree with this. You are helping her eat without being hugely distressed. It’s one thing to ask her if she feels able to try and join you at the table for example, another to think this is about power/control and basically tell her to suck it up.

I’d collaborate with her on how to do things going forward and continue to support her being able to eat with a minimum of distress. If she has ASD as well it may well be one of a number of sensory sensitivities which are causing her stress, at least this is one you can manage rather than say a noisy busy classroom which is much harder to alleviate the stress of. It’s hard for everyone I know

[Dancergirl]

Thank you shrew

So difficult to know how to handle this. As I said this family member is lovely but a generation above me and I don't think she really understands the issue.