Do you have a child/teen who is almost helpless with SN and cant be 'out there'? getting judged from SS.

(10 Posts)
QuiQuaiQuod Tue 13-Mar-18 13:24:46

Im so upset.

DC has SEN and learning diffs. Global dev delay, autism.tourettes, adhd, and a coupof other things (dont wanrt to out myself)

some physical difficultie, and limited verbally. has toileting and dietry needs.

I briung her up to the best of my abilites as a single parent. Had to pull her out of school as she was getting worse and worse with sensory meldowns due to noise and crowdy.

now Home eded and doing well to her limitations.

shell never be able to be ina workplace or socialise properly, she has social anxiety. but she has a coup[le of friends she sees as and when.

i HAVE FAMNILY AND FRIENDS THAT SEE HER AND HELP WHEN THEY CAN AND IF EVER I NEED THEM ALTHOUG iM quite capable myself. i (sorry for so many typos Im really upset and trying to get this down fast).

SS visited TWO years ago because of ameltdown when dc hit me. she has frequenrt meltdowns but doeant get physicla any more. they are 'concerned' that she not getting a 'proper' socail life, shes lucky she has the friends sher has, her HE is inadequate (Im a qualied teacher for SN) and our house isnt furnished lavishly!!!! FFS.

we have evrything we need materially. WTF are they saying?

I dont drink/smooke/take drugs/slleep around/ swear (onloy inprint!!), IK am aChristian who brings DC in a good solid moral loving balanced way, yet They continually judge me.

They know I have nbp partner to back me upm Im honest, why should I even have to defend myself? I dont abuse my child.

they do F all about the baby P's and Poppys out there yet waste their time on decent people.

apart from DCs meltdowns she perfectlky happy in her 'bubble' and with the few people she has in her life.

Any way I can btake this defamation of both of us further? they wont leave us alone.

OP’s posts: |
QuiQuaiQuod Tue 13-Mar-18 13:28:34

BTW they been in touch more recently because evn though the SEN tema have been quite happyt to let me get on with the home ed thy feel DCs not progressing. they dont seem to fathom she has LIFElong DIFFIiculties and disabilities and limitations, its a miracle she knows how little she knows education adn awareness wise.

she also has no sense of dangerm never hasm yet Im accused of not teaching her. Im ground down to the teeth trying to teach her but she just cant get it, nor cleaning herslef in the toilet.

they see that as 'dodgy' WTF?

how many adults wash and clean disbled people.elderly????

DCs 17 btw.

OP’s posts: |
QuiQuaiQuod Tue 13-Mar-18 13:31:46

sorry, Im drip feeding. Im in early 50's, experienced in many nthings and life, im not some naive little girl.

OP’s posts: |
QuiQuaiQuod Tue 13-Mar-18 20:13:34

no one? its very upsetting. Ive shared this with my best friend and shes livid that they asre doing this, she will be ahving a stern word but Id like some imput please?

OP’s posts: |
OneInEight Wed 14-Mar-18 08:34:38

flowers. You are making me nervous as we have just been asking for social services involvement again for my ds's to aid socialisation but that sounds very intrusive. I guess we have asked because we are worried as to what we will happen we are gone. So whilst ds2 is OK for the moment (also home educated and slightly younger than your child) we think he needs to build up contacts outside of the immediate family (basically some one to share the responsibility in the future). He has a bit of a different profile in that he has no academic difficulties but his anxiety means he has poor independent life skills.

Mind you we have found in the past that the minute you ask social services for practical help you won't see them for dust - so if you want to get rid of them try the smlling sweetly approach, agree profusely with their concerns and then ask what THEY are going to do to help.

QuiQuaiQuod Wed 14-Mar-18 11:29:32

thank you for replying,

I have family in place in case something happens to me,

she also has poor life skills but they seem to think its because Im not doing enough. FFS IM her mother, Im her carer, Im her teacher and senco.

Its like Im too good to be true so theyre trying to find something to blame me fro DCs difficaulties.

Its like Cliff Richard holier than thou christian yet the media have been trying for eyars to pin something on him, and any allegations were found to be absolutely untrue.

I cant afford lawyers for defamation of character, intrusion, harrassment and bullying and discrimination.

DC will never be able to live independantly, shell ALWASY need somewone, whats wrong with her mother being her carer as long as Im around? better a relative, someone she knows than complete strangers?

I just dont get it.

no one ever asked about her social ability while she struggled in infant and junior school, and was getting worse as time went on, thats why i thought it was best for her to be HS. she never played or socialised in schools, only with her 1-1 support teacher.

shes doing so well in her limitations. her work is like a year 1 child but nat least she can do that.

I know what you mean in the last bit of your post, as soon as i ask what THEYLL be doing they disappear, but meantime Im so stressed I couldnt sleep at all last night. I KNOW IM a good parent, clean living and very close to DC,

i wish theyd just leave us alone to get on with it, and if i ever need them then i know where they are.

is that wrong of me?

OP’s posts: |
Calmed Sat 17-Mar-18 16:31:55

From time to time, I read about what is going on in the social services world, and at one point there was a big thing about home schooled children and them being 'at risk'. If you were an abusive parent, keeping the children at home meant no teachers got to see any signs of abuse or neglect.

Non-specialist social services departments can also be very fixed on safe-guarding (looking for signs of abuse/neglect) because that is 'what they do'. Their understanding of special needs can be nearly non-existent. Their understanding of why a parent might want to home school e.g. because the schools on offer can't meet need, can also be non-existent.

Understanding the system will help you deal with them, so getting help from organisations with all their knowledge should really help you.

Below is a link to an organisation that helps parents deal with social services. Below that is a help sheet from the same organisation - at the bottom of their page is a list of other organisations that can help. And underneath that is a google results page - I hope reading some of the results, will help you realise that you are not alone.

cansu Sun 18-Mar-18 06:54:40

At the moment you are saving them a fortune. Ss are usually not keen on spending cash. Ask them what services they can offer your dd. Look around for some very expensive sen sixth forms to drop into the conversations. Be seen to be interested on their ideas for how to help your dd progress. Suggest they fund a pa for your dd who can take her out and about socislising. You either wont see them for dust or they might give you something worthwhile for your dd. Smile sweetly through gritted teeth.

QuiQuaiQuod Mon 19-Mar-18 11:48:38


Calmed DD is not abused, in fact when she was struggling at school, she would come home with bruises and marks from THARE, and no one ever seemed to offer any explanation. she would also come home extremely hungry as she wasnt supervised at lunchtimes as she couldnt cope in a full noisy dinner hall.

and shed be wet with toiletingissues cos n oone would supervise her or be with her orhelp her in the toilet.

anyway thatnbks for replies.

my family and friends are all livid anbput this and will be saying things to them if they persist.

its harrassment, intrusion and defamation., and discrimination.

OP’s posts: |
Frusso Mon 19-Mar-18 17:56:46

HE is not within the remit of SS. Deal with the LEA and only the LEA as far as that goes.

Always have someone with you when you meet with SS. Ideally someone that can take notes of what is said/discussed. Do not ever meet them alone.

I also agree with asking them for help, eg direct payments to get a PA to take dd out, what can they help you organise etc. They'll vanish.

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