Fighting a losing battle... again.

[mouseymummy]

My dd1 who is 13 has been refused for any help again. I'm at the end of my tether with her and the fact that because I'm a single mum, it's my fault. (Actually been said to me by camhs)

This may very well be quite long so please bare with me.

So since dd was 4, I've noticed she isn't developing in social skills like other kids at school. She would find a friend, cling to that friend for a few weeks and then some thing would happen and she would get upset and spend weeks trying to get that friend back until she moved on and the cycle repeated itself.

She's had outbursts at school, some times over little things that have escalated and also over big things, she will physically kick off at teachers, she is lucky to have not been permanently excluded yet! She's in year 9 now and we are in a quiet period. We have them every so often and I'm waiting on it happening again. She has made wild accusations during these kick offs so we've had ss involved three times now and then she calms and we go back through that cycle too.

She cannot be controlled during these instances.

It's so hard to punish her for anything. I've 2 other kids and that then impacts their behaviour. She will throw things such as "you should have aborted me" or "I wish I'd never been born" etc at me. I've had massive kick offs at home due to me grounding her for a day! A complete over reaction to some thing. I'm talking smashing her room up and trying to run off.

She is constantly being challenging to anyone in "power" if you slight her in any way at all. If she takes a dislike to a teacher at school she just won't work for them. At all. If she likes you, she will charm you and is very manipulative at times. The only person she isn't like this with her dad. Slight issue is that he is so unsupportive of anything I try do to help her. He will push back on everything.

She never used to sit still unless gully engrossed in something. This has changed since she went through puberty, she will try anything to get out of physical activity. Even going as far as to tell school she has the same condition I do (She doesn't at all. She's been tested for it)



The final straw has been this morning when I've had a call from camhsrefusing her help again. Apparently this is clearly an issue with my parenting. I'm so mad and have cried over this. Is there anyone I can turn To To get something. The doctors can only refer her to camhs and school can only do the same and have done several times. This is her 5th referral from school, she's had 2 from ss, 3 from the doctors and 4 from me. This is in the last 4 years. I'm trying my best and I'm getting no where, I was a young mum of 19 when I had her and massive bout of post natal depression didn't help but I've always done my best yo be consistent and I've done everything for her.

I'm properly stuck and, quite frankly, terrified for her future. Any help would be greatly appreciated

[SpringerLink]

Sometimes you just have to play the game. Ask for parenting courses and a social worker to come and do home observation. Once that’s done, ask from another CAMHS referral and point out that it’s not your parenting (evidenced by completion of courses and social worker observations).

I’ve also found parenting courses hugely useful and even though I had adequate skills before, I improved a lot of areas that I wasn’t that good at. And it validated my knowledge that I was a great parent in many respects already :)

[mouseymummy]

We've had home visits and various other bits, I've done parenting courses on the request of ss. Including 2 for teens specifically and one for preteens.

I've had 2 full blown parenting assessments and camhs have seen these as the last social worker sent them in with his referral