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Are school failing me or do I need to get a grip

(14 Posts)
obviouslymarvellous Mon 29-Jan-18 20:37:39

First post so will try not to drip feed. I have twin daughters who attend a very academic school. Since nursery I have been saying something isn't right with the eldest they were both slow talkers SALT involved (still are) but the eldest refused to go into school would have to forcibly be removed from me daily (this has only just subsided) she is very immature, has epic meltdowns of 3 hours plus will only wear particular clothes. Runs into the road, has tried to throw herself out of the window constantly punches me or her siblings. Anyway she was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia early last year with a note saying if she continued to display behaviours she would need further assessment. Her behaviour has deteriorated to the point where we live in a managed environment however school still say she displays none of this at school and is fine (I have even shown them videos). She is masking and erupts when she gets out of the school gate.I have asked several times now for school to help me ie fidget breaks, or for the further assessments to take place. She is so far behind academically although again school say no even though she is getting spellings from the year below and has support all day. I've asked several times for the senco to ring me or speak to me (since September) and I'm still waiting now hmm the docs etc all say it has to come from school now a referral. Meanwhile we are all walking on eggshells and trying to micro manage her explosive behaviour. My question is should I now go in and kick arse with the school or does anyone have some magic advice for me please thanks

MysteryLovesCompany Mon 29-Jan-18 20:42:51

I would change school. Honestly it's better to find a supportive school who get it than spend years battling while your child flounders. I really regret not moving my ds at primary. There are better schools.

obviouslymarvellous Mon 29-Jan-18 20:54:54

I really wish i could move schools, unfortunately there aren't any locally with spaces (high birth rate year) I have tried and am on waiting lists. I'm just so frustrated that they just won't even acknowledge the current diagnosis never mind the further assessment. I've been told it's because it's a faith school, and because school would need to pay from own budget this I have no idea about. I just seem to get door after door slammed in my face confused

outputgap Mon 29-Jan-18 23:30:24

Is this a state school in the UK?

How old is dd?

I don't understand why the SENCo won't see you or speak to you. I would go to the Head if you're not getting any joy.

Poor you and poor dd. You need some help and acknowledgement.

obviouslymarvellous Tue 30-Jan-18 06:45:47

Hi yes school is in uk and a faith school. Senco is useless, the head isn't much better, I've had several meetings over the years. I've been in about the eldest twin being prised off me daily to be told she's playing you (yes I can see that but not for almost 4 years i know it's separation anxiety as she's the same at home I can't leave her) next step on school website is to write to the governors. I am so baffled why school won't admit there is a problem or even acknowledge the report they have, I'm assuming they think I'm making it all up! The school is very academic - it's geared up for students passing the sats. They concentrate on the top sets and seem to leave the others. The school is very well regarded for sats results. I was unaware when selecting schools (I went to school abroad) and wasn't invited to visit just offered a place for my son and then my daughters got a place too. They are year 2. The eldest twin has only just settled and I fear moving her to another mainstream school would greatly impact on her already volatile behaviour.

MysteryLovesCompany Tue 30-Jan-18 07:05:58

If you aren't already I would suggest making all requests by email so you have a paper trail, then next step, if they continue to ignore you is to write to the governors (and I would copy in the HT and LA SEN team).

Cerebra have a problem solving toolkit which is most excellent.

obviouslymarvellous Tue 30-Jan-18 07:20:33

Thanks for that. I have recently joined cerebra so will go and have a mooch later. Regarding paper trail I was sending all comms via email and the head pulled me in and told me not to do this, it has to be verbal. I protested but she is adamant it should be verbal.

MysteryLovesCompany Tue 30-Jan-18 08:25:39

Ooh, how interesting (and sneaky) of the HT.

Again, you might be doing it anyway, but even for verbal stuff, send an email after saying thank you and summarising what was discussed. The HT might not like it but you absolutely should do it anyway.

Sirzy Tue 30-Jan-18 20:10:25

I would still carry on backing up every conversation by email “thank you for our earlier conversation just to confirm that....”

I would also keep pushing your GP as they can refer for further assessments.

tanjanavarro Wed 14-Feb-18 21:01:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GnotherGnu Fri 16-Feb-18 19:40:10

I'd strongly suggest that you make your own request for an EHC assessment - there's information about how to do so on IPSEA's website. It may well be refused if the school claim not to see these problems, but you would stand a good chance of success if you appeal against refusal - the fact that the school has to provide support all day and your daughter is still falling behind is very strong evidence. It would be a good idea to try to line up evidence of both those factors before you ask, e.g. by getting copies of her education records and asking the school to confirm how much support they're giving her.

obviouslymarvellous Sat 17-Feb-18 09:31:28

Hi thanks for the replies. An OT went in last week and spoke to the teacher who said my eldest dd has "significant issues" they agreed to do certain things to see if things changed with behaviour at home. Nothing has changed, they haven't done a thing... and it's only simple things like her sitting on a bean bag instead of the carpet, giving her breaks etc I spoke to the class teachers this week on another matter but mentioned the OT visit and she down played it saying the OT had caught her on a bad day hmm(the OT told me she asked was this a typical day for DD and was told yes) and that she isn't struggling. She hasn't even got an IEP. I didn't even know I could set the ball rolling myself will def look at starting the process. I don't get why they won't tell me what I know that she has an issue is it all £££

Ellie56 Sat 17-Feb-18 11:23:19

Agree request an EHC needs assessment yourself. This school sounds awful and they are clearly not meeting your daughter's needs.

Did the OT write a report? Make sure you have a copy if so.

ObscuredbyFog Sat 17-Feb-18 12:31:03

Not all schools want kids with SN.

I think the Head saying all comms had to be verbal is your biggest clue.

You can give yourself years of frustration and still have a child whose needs are not recognised or catered for, or you can move your child to a school which will meet her needs.

Definitely still email the school about everything, start the first one with 'I do not understand why [head's name] on [date] called me into school and demanded that any discussions about my daughter's SN had to be verbal only and would like an explanation.

Copy it to the Head of Governors and your MP.
That should wake them up.

Unfortunately, it won't make things much better for your dd because even if you force school to cater for her needs, they'll "forget" or just refuse "because she doesn't need it"

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