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should we be physically forcing our dd into school?

(8 Posts)
1805 Fri 03-Nov-17 11:43:58

DD (year 8) has ASD dx, but she presents 'normally' at school - ie, doesn't cause any problems.
She has never liked school, and is refusing to go more and more often now. Her attendance is currently 59% I think.
Her reasons are just that she doesn't like it, it's boring, she has no friends, she's too tired, too hot, too cold, anything really.
Sometimes we pull her out of bed, put her in the car and drive her to school in a state. In doing this, she will reluctantly agree to get dressed by the front door before we leave the house so she doesn't arrive at school in her PJ's. This way, at least she gets into school and learns. Other days I can't face the trauma and she stays at home whilst I call off work to stay with her.
Can anyone help me? She doesn't have an ECHP (?) as once she is at school, she is declared as being "fine and happy". It is all very draining.
How can school become a better place for her?

hadenoughagain Fri 03-Nov-17 16:25:07

Watching with interest... it's so exhausting isn't it.

School should be doing more in my opinion to accommodate her needs...

Sirzy Sat 04-Nov-17 07:42:28

What are School doing to help support her going on and to get to the bottom of the problem?

At the moment I do “force” ds to go in because I know if I let him stay off that would make the issue much bigger in the long run. However he is younger (8) and his school are very good and will have a TA or teacher ready to meet us when we are struggling who will help to settle him before starting the school day. If the problem gets worse though then I will reconsider tactics!

Is it School in general she doesn’t like or the School she is at? Is a different school or home schooling a possibility?

OneInEight Sat 04-Nov-17 11:28:24

We did for far too long with ds2. We totally regret not listening to him. It destroyed his trust in us that is taking a long time to build back up again. We home educate ds2 now as we finally learnt his mental health was more important than academic qualifications. Part of the problem was that ds2 was unable to articulate why it was so bad (I am not surely he really knew himself) so it came out as reasons like boring etc. But bad it definetely was for him and we should have listened.

1805 Sat 04-Nov-17 11:47:17


That is very interesting. What age did you pull him out?
We tried 3 different primary schools for dd and none made any difference to her. I don't think changing schools is the answer. Although I am about to put her on the waiting list for a different school as a result of being fed up with her current school doing nothing to help.

I would like school to communicate better with me. It is very frustrating.

Polter Sat 04-Nov-17 13:10:31

It does sound like school just isn't the best place for her right now sad

I think it can also add to the stress and anxiety when a child knows they 'should' be going but can't, so they end up in a continuous state of high stress. I would seriously consider de-registering as it would almost certainly be a relief for your daughter, even if she can't articulate it.

OneInEight Sat 04-Nov-17 16:27:24

He was in year 4 when he first started saying he hated school. We tried two different settings (ARP and specialist school as we managed to get a statement for him but it did not really help) and he eventually stopped going entirely beginning of year 8.

1805 Sat 04-Nov-17 19:33:20


Oh my, year 4 is when dd started refusing. We are now in year 8.
OK. so I think I need to start looking at alternatives. How do you find the Home educating?

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