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(when) do I talk to her about this?

(11 Posts)
Ifitquackslikeaduck Fri 20-Oct-17 09:47:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TempStamos Fri 20-Oct-17 13:30:51

If you think she would understand now I would tell her. It will help her understand why she is getting the extra help and why she needs it. My eldest was diagnosed with severe OCD at 4 years and explaining it to her was really helpful for her, was at the time also suspected she may have aspergers but was never diagnosed.

zzzzz Fri 20-Oct-17 14:43:56

Today. Watch the Rosie bbc thing together. Talk about it and that some of it seems familiar.

zzzzz Fri 20-Oct-17 14:45:05

Ifitquackslikeaduck Sat 21-Oct-17 10:46:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainKirkssparetupee Sat 21-Oct-17 10:53:51

If she asks "why am I watching this" it gives you the perfect opening to tell her, you think she might relate to some of the things.

TwoBobs Mon 23-Oct-17 11:52:36

I read "I am Aspie Girl" to my daughter aged 8 on the pretence that it was about me. My daughter recognised traits in herself the 2nd time we read it. This opened up the conversation that "we don't know yet but we will find out soon". When we did find out we then talked about it using "My Super Hero Brain" with lots of celebration. "Congratulations, you ARE autistic! Lucky you! High five! How exciting is that?" We highlighted all the positives (it helps you be good at Maths etc even if it was stretching the truth a bit).

Several months later we deal with the negatives as and when they come up. She is very comfortable talking about her autism and still mainly sees it as a positive.

zzzzz Tue 24-Oct-17 10:59:21

Did you try or are you still mulling it over?

SingingMySong Wed 25-Oct-17 04:48:51

We did this recently and it was much less of an issue than I'd expected. DS has a friend, P, who has aspergers and DS can see some similarities. He also went to an infant school that had several children with SEND and really valued every child, so it's natural to him that difference does not mean worse. I think we've also subconsciously been laying the foundations for years.

In the end I just pointed out that the book of social stories which he LOVES has "for children with aspergers and ASD" on the cover, and we were looking into whether he might be autistic. He just said "oh, like P? Ok". He already knew that everyone has some things that come easily and some things are harder, and when there's a particular rough group of things that someone finds trickier, then it's called autism.

We have also talked about how an autistic brain can make some things easier and how it might have helped him with some of the things he's most proud of.

Ifitquackslikeaduck Wed 22-Nov-17 10:45:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LightTripper Wed 22-Nov-17 16:32:59

Thank you for reviving this thread! I wondered if anybody had experience in telling a much younger child (DD is 3, and will still be 3 when we get a diagnosis, if we do).

We've been quite open about it with friends and with her school etc. so I don't think not telling her or putting off telling her is an option (even if that was a good idea). And we've told her that assessments are "playing with a Doctor to see how your brain works, because everybody's brain works differently" - and she's never really asked more questions than that.

If we do get a diagnosis I am keen to tell her (not least to make sure she hears it from us in a safe environment first) - but any first hand experience with such a young child would be really useful.

My only fear of the "label" is if it stops her from trying to do things that she finds challenging (she already has a tendency to default to "I can't do it" or "I'm too tired" with anything new or effortful - although I guess this may hopefully be partly to do with her age and may pass in time, as I know some of my other mum friends say their children do the same).

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