To party or not!

[Blossom4538]

I'm in two minds about parties. Beforehand is a nightmare. She wants to go but is so worked up and this morning has been just awful for all of us. Everything sets her off, it's basically her way or the highway and she's v v aggressive and struggles with tactile sensory sensitivities with clothes and hair etc. I've been bitten, scratched, hit and pushed this morning. How do u deal with that?

She is anxious but does want to go usually -
Occasionally not! Sometimes I feel
Like no longer doing parties, but speech and language therapist also states that preventing her from doing things like this is going to reinforce her anxiety.
Obv don't force her though. It's just all so bloody traumatic!
She doesn't get invited to many parties it seems at the moment so shame to miss out.

It's a loud bowling party so I imagine she'll be stressed afterwards...

H and I are starting to feel so down and are trying our best. I think we're all exhausted.

[Polter]

I wouldn't do parties. You don't treat anxiety by mega exposure. Maybe next time she gets an invite have a ready planned reason for not going, something that she really loves to do or a place to go, and say 'sorry dd, we are going to/to do X on that day so we will miss the party', carry it through and see if she actually notices she's not going. Some things are worth the anxiety but I'm not sure parties always are.

[Blossom4538]

She's back (H took her) and enjoyed it when she was there. Beforehand though, and sometimes afterwards, is a nightmare!

She isn't too bothered about missing parties.

[notgivingin789]

I'm in two minds about the mega exposure. With my DS, the more I avoided things the more anxious he got over them. I'll give an example.

When DS was a bit younger, we had to travel to some place and the quickest way was by taking the tube, by bus the journey would of been two hours long ! Anyway, where we were getting to, their double barriers will frequently stop working making us go through the small barriers. As soon as we tried to go through the small barriers he will start winging and pulling away, we still went through it anyway. This happened to a few times till I noticed the pattern. So I avoided going through the small barriers at all costs. Till one day their double barriers were not working again and I had no choice but to force DS through the small barriers, he had the worst meltdown ever, was screaming, shouting , went on to the floor.

I thought ok, so avoiding going through the barriers didn't help because even when I made him go through the barriers before (when the double doors stopped working) he would whinge and cry but nothing like the extreme like he did above. Also forcing him through the barrier didn't help too , as the times I made him go though the small barriers should of prepared him otherwise he wouldn't of behaved the way he did.

So I thought ! Why don't I get DS his own Oyster card, so he gets used to going through the barriers and we can practice this over the holidays. So during the holidays, anytime DS and I will take a train we would practice going through the small barriers, with him using his own Oyster card. Having his own Oyster card gave him some sort of confidence. A few years later we don't have that problem anymore.

I think gently exposure could be something you could try, she can spend 15 mins at a party then leave... gradually increasing that exposure.

[Blossom4538]

Yes! Great example. I can see DD being like this.

I think for her it is more the thought of things beforehand and when she's there, at a party, she is generally okay and kind of enjoys it. She must feel some stress as she cannot usually speak and clings to us a lot. She seems pleased afterwards. Sooo stressful beforehand though.