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Need help please

(7 Posts)
Acknowledge Mon 22-May-17 17:17:03

I'm at a loss on what to do.
My daughter doesn't have a diagnosed condition but thought this would be the best place to get advice.

I've found out that she's been threatening teachers to throw stones at them .. says she wants to kill them and herself. She's only 10 sad

We already have the ed psych involved from previous behaviour where she's been blanking teachers and refusing to do work or come into the school (can go on for hours). The ed psych didn't seem to think that a formal diagnosis was worthwhile if the school could cope and it could potentially do more harm than good to be labelled.

I don't know where to go from here. The school are talking possible expulsions in the future if this carries on.

LIZS Mon 22-May-17 17:22:46

Can you get a referral to camhs?

FrayedHem Mon 22-May-17 19:49:38

Do you want to consider a dx? How long has your daughter been having difficulties for?
I wouldn't put too much store in what the Ed Psych said about formal dx. It's about your child - I can only speak for my eldest who was dx with ASD when he was 3, but at 11 having a dx brings him an enormous sense of relief, as it helps him understand why he finds certain things difficult compared to his classmates.

In your position I would look a getting a thorough assessment. Here it would be accessed via the children's development centre, which usually requires a GP referral. Other areas it's the mental health service.

Checklist Mon 22-May-17 21:00:26

If my daughter were threatening to kill herself, the risk of her killing herself would far outweigh in my mind any consideration for the school or the risk of harm from being labelled! All behaviour is communication - what is she trying to communicate? Is there a problem at school, like she has undiagnosed SEN and can't cope or is she being bullied; or are there other things going on her life at the back of this?

I would be seeking help for her from mental health professionals - school staff are not trained in mental health problems, and anyway, they only see her in a structured setting for about 6 hours a day, while she is under your care for 18 hours a day.

enterthedragon Tue 23-May-17 08:28:14

The school are threatening exclusions, your DD refuses to work, refuses to go into school, refuses to engage with staff, wants to kill herself and them, the EP thinks a formal diagnosis is not worthwhile if the school can cope and thinks it could potentially be more harmful to be labelled.
The school are not coping with your DD.
Your DD is not coping with school.
The EP is wrong on all counts. <-- this is being polite.

If you are concerned about the possibility of SEN then you should get a referral to the appropriate services either through your GP or through the school, CAMHS would be the appropriate service for the threats to kill herself and teachers and a referral can be through the GP.
Was the ed psych involvement instigated by the school? or was it a private request? What do the school think is going on? What Support have the school put in place to help your DD?

When DS was 9 he expressed a desire to be dead and wished that he had never been born, he threatened a particular member of staff and was immediately given a fixed term exclusion, the thing was that it was not the first time, he already had a diagnosis and involvement from CAMHS, OT, Physio, MABS, specialist teacher advisor etc, the school had been saying "we are coping, we are managing" it was DS who was not coping or managing and until the school said "we cannot cope"nobody else took it seriously enough.

Acknowledge Tue 23-May-17 10:18:06

Thanks. I'm going to make an appointment at the doctors asap. I've also asked for another meeting with the SENCO and teacher at the school.

She's been having various issues since she started school but each school/class has found ways around it and it's got better. It's suddenly taken a turn for the worse which is why I'm not sure what to do.

The Ed psych was through the school.

We don't tend to see too many issues at home. Her behaviour is within the normal bounds of a hormonal pre teen (at least I think). I don't know whether that's because home is a known place - less stressful and fewer immediate demands.

The school have a plan they've discussed with her which means she can leave the class and go to a quiet place if she feels overwhelmed but I don't think she recognises when this is happening.

I don't know if she's just being stubborn or if she has real issues so I've no idea if/what punishment for being rude to the teachers is helpful.

How is your son now Enterthedragon?

enterthedragon Fri 26-May-17 08:27:41

He is much much better now.

Off to work shortly but I will come back later and answer more fully but just wanted to say that as school becomes more pressurised in yr5/6 this is the point where things become more difficult for kids and they can begin to unravel.

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