Meltdown or Tantrum? how to handle?

[sunshine99789]

Looking for advice please:

DD is currently awaiting assessment...It is my opinion that she is HFA

Things seemed to have calmed down for a few months and I actually started to question wether it was me losing the plot...
however, the past few weeks things have been slowly getting worse than ever before. DD is losing it over the most ridiculous of things- Ds touched 'her' book, she decided she didnt like her tea (despite it being eaten numerous times previously), ds watched tv without her, and because I told her she couldnt play out.

All of these have led to her screaming, slamming doors, her in a blind rage to the point im so scared she will hurt herself.

Is this a meltdown or a tantrum?

the latest one was literally her screaming and slamming doors for 2 solid hours, my other children are so scared of her.

How am Ì supposed to deal with this?

[Polter]

Sounds like a meltdown as a result of high anxiety, the 'ridiculous' things you mention don't feel ridiculous to her. The anxiety feels like a loss of control so she's trying to take control over things she can.

I highly recommend the book 'The Explosive Child'.

[Polter]

.

[sunshine99789]

Thankyou for your reply, have just ordered the book...willing to try anything!

[Waitingforsleep]

I am wondering this too- ds at bedtime has huge screaming as he wants to put all his Lego cards back in his book. I explain its too late and that I will leave the book out for the morning- screams and cries for 40mins. I'm thinking what do I do? Am I being horrible not letting him? But then I need to teach him is ok to wait etc?
I remained calm and said in the morning, he followed me around kicking me, saying "I am going to keep kicking you until you let me" and " I need to do it or I will die"
I hugged him and sat with him at points the. Eventually he got into bed.
He is nearly 6. Tantrum or meltdown?

[sunshine99789]

To be honest....imo it sounds more of a tantrum as its the result of ds not getting his own way. I could be wrong....(such as if ds had ocd etc) have you tried actions and consequences and followed them through? such as....
I know you would really like to put your cards in your book right now but its bedtime, you can either choose to put your cards down now or not have them tomorrow....

Other tactic would be to explain its bedtime soon and provide a visual such as when that hand on the clock gets to the top/bottom it will be bedtime...if there is.anything you need to do then now is the time...

then if the inevitable happens at bedtime you have backup to say I asked you earlier and then go to the actions/consequences.

I hope this makes sense.x

[Polter]

Why not just build putting them back into his bedtime routine? Or if you've done your bit and said goodnight and then he wants to do something agree he can and you'll be back in 10 minutes to turn light off but there'll be no talking or something. Honestly, these things don't need to be battles, compromise benefits children and parents!

[Allthewaves]

Interesting reading this as I had a chat with my middle dc afterschools teacher today (dc has dx of asd). She's if the opinion he goes off the deep end when he doesn't get his own way or asked to do somthing he doesn't want to do - temper tantrum BUT then he can't pull it back, he gets more and more agressive, throwing, hitting etc. They put him in a safe space and leave him to it. After a while they find him a sobbing heap in the corner, distraught at what he has done. Then he sobs sorry, huge cuddles and then tidies everything up.

He has consequences at home same as his brothers and tbh we don't tend to see these episodes as often as school.

[Allthewaves]

Dc is hfa

[sunshine99789]

I cant thank you enough for recommending the Explosive child, it is really good! I think we will have a very long list to start off with but by working through it im hoping we can make things more managable for her.