I have two wonderful children, my eldest is severely mentally impaired, he has an ASD and GDD diagnosis. I am at the point that I know my son inside out, his triggers etc. My relationship crumbled, he moved abroad
I have battled for so long to keep myself in the land of employment.
i've set up two businesses both of which have failed because of things outside of my control, being double crossed my a business partner and having an advertisement ban by google and facebook. I done this so I could fit my hours around my sons needs,
When my son was born I had a normal life with normal financial obligations, I worked full time and gained 12 years experience in customer services and was on my way to having a half decent job promotion. Since the birth I had to drop down to part time hours, i've lost my steady employment of 7 years due to lack of childcare (once nursery years had finished) , lost a further 3 jobs due to unexpected issues with my son and had two businesses fail. I attempted uni studying law, that ended the second my son went to school as I couldn't afford additional sn childcare on a student loan.
Now my debts are at the point I can't even keep up, I get no help with rent or council tax as am renting from an ex partner, I've got no family support and I need to work to stay afloat. I am literally living in a bubble of isolation with absolutely nothing any more.
The last time I even had a night out was 2010, I feel like I've lost every single ounce of being human, my existence is a continuous cycle of care, depression and constant anxiety .
All the jobs i seem to see in my industry are up until midnight which I obviously can't commit to. I went to a job interview last week with a dream company, job I'd love to do, hours were 12hr shifts up until 1:30am on a 4 on 4 off rota, I mean seriously how the fuck can I do that, they asked the question "why do you want this job?" If I would have answered honestly I would of said "because I need the money before I have to declare myself fucking bankrupt" am literally at the point I feel like walking into an interview and flat out begging for a job,
I just want for once to be able to go to work without having to constantly worry that my son is being cared for, or waiting for the phone call that means I have to leave early the first week on the job, I want a normal life, a normal wage. My sons disability is at that point now that it's painfully obvious he's going to need care for the rest of his life, which means I am never going to be able to change my life,
I love my son dearly and wouldn't change him for the world, but fuck me this is hard
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Getting desperate
8 replies
nixi86 · 21/04/2017 14:17
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