Losing my patience - please help with some clarity!

(12 Posts)
User998877 Thu 20-Apr-17 13:31:15

Ds is 9 YR4 ASD/ADHD. He doesn't have a statement/EHCP (although I'm just about to apply for one, and gathering info before doing so).

I've always had a good relationship with SENCO, but not with CT's who talk the talk during meetings then go and do as they please. I love evidence/facts and when I press for these, they interpret this as interference/bullying behaviour! I've always remained professional but will admit to being direct, I don't beat around the bush, just ask the question so to speak.

Anyhow, I've asked for a meeting since I've collated information from home/school communication book and have listed incidents below, I would be really grateful if you would share with me your thoughts on what level of support you think he might need... I appreciate you don't know him. He currently has been downgraded to only needing school funding, whereas before he had some additional county funding. I am being told in meeting by his current and previous CT's that they find it hard to quantify what additional support he needs!

06.09.17 to 10.03.17

Getting frustrated/angry with teaching staff/other children and needing time out to calm down
15 comments written in book
Calling out/talking constantly/not putting hands up
20 comments written in book
Not following instructions/lack of concentration/not listening
29 comments written in book
Disturbing other children
12 comments written in book
Being safe
7 comments written in book
Anxiety displayed
5 comments written in book

To give her credit this years CT is the first one to be completely honest with her entries in the book, others have never written anything similar.

Given the above what are you thoughts, as far as I can detect from the wording in the book is that the expectations are all on ds's shoulders... "Must try harder", "You need to listen", "You can't disturb the other children", "You can't speak to others like that"! Is this evidence that a child is not being supported adequately?

OP’s posts: |
zzzzz Thu 20-Apr-17 17:25:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

User998877 Thu 20-Apr-17 20:27:18

zzzz In answer to your question, I have backed off and no longer challenge since it became a pointless exercise.

But my post was seeking opinions on whether others felt that ds was being adequately supported. This level of negative comments have never been written down before by any of his other CT's (although IMO that was due to them playing down his issues in school, I have never understood why though).

I clearly have my opinions on the above, I was genuinely interested to hear what others thought.

OP’s posts: |
zzzzz Thu 20-Apr-17 20:44:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

User998877 Thu 20-Apr-17 21:46:55

I know that zzzzz but you are turning my post into something I didn't ask for, I don't want opinions about the communication itself. I know the book isn't working as it should, but it won't if school clearly believe that the onus is all on ds.

I've written them down to show that he is clearly struggling much more than any other CT has been frank enough to say. This suggests to me that he is not being supported given the level of support I know he is receiving... which is basically next to nothing.

OP’s posts: |
zzzzz Thu 20-Apr-17 21:52:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

User998877 Fri 21-Apr-17 10:27:21

Thank you zzzzz

If anyone else has any thoughts they would be very much appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
Marshmallow09er Fri 21-Apr-17 17:16:13

Ok, so wonder if you could approach it from a diplomatic angle of 'I've noticed a lot of incidents in the home / school book that suggest DS is struggling with concentration / staying calm / is disrupting the lesson and wonder if we could discuss strategies which would help to support him more and try and reduce the times the CT is concerned enough to write about them?'

I agree consistent comments like that would suggest he's not being supported enough and any proactive CT / SENCO / school would hopefully be open to discuss possible triggers for his behaviour and inventions and support.

Good luck in the meeting.

User998877 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:54:33

Marsh thank you. I was thinking along the same lines with regards to the meeting, so happy to hear that sounds like a good approach. It can sometimes be difficult to gauge whether your dc is being supported well or not, so I needed that confirmation that others thought he might not be supported well too.

I was intending to also summarise the incidents (as I have in my OP) with a little more detail behind it. My thinking was that it would focus minds with a view to moving forward on a more constructive note. What are your thoughts regarding this?

Of course my worry is that one I've done this, the CT may feel her entries are being scrutinized so may not be so frank in the future... chance I'll have to take. I was going to thank her though for her openness which is appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
Marshmallow09er Fri 21-Apr-17 20:15:42

Yes I agree that's a risk re CT too.

My approach is always to try and keep them onside (even when I'm infuriated) so I generally go in with a 'thank you for all you're doing with DS - I've really noticed how much he's enjoyed learning about x' to try and soften the meeting to start (it's hard to think what DS has enjoyed sometimes as it's scant, but usually I find something positive to start!)

I know it's not everyone's approach (I sometimes wish I was more straight talking, but I think I'm a diplomat at heart)

Marshmallow09er Fri 21-Apr-17 20:18:45

Maybe take your summary of the incidents, but have it to refer to rather than go through them one by one as the CT might feel as if she's under attack (or embarrassed) - keeping it top line like 'I've noticed a lot of comments about x' but then only referring to a specific time if required - might make them be less defensive
(I really don't know if this is good advice - I hope so - I think it's how I would handle it though)

User998877 Fri 21-Apr-17 20:58:28

Thanks again Marsh

Good advice. I think I need to be a little more like you wink I am a product of forces parents and spending 20 years in a male dominated career, so can be very forthright and direct. To add balance I always try to get them on side by initially telling them how wonderful they are wink

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in