I may be over thinking, but wondering if DD is on the spectrum. Can anyone advise please?

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

I'm awaiting an assessment myself, for aspergers/asd. For a while now I've identified with 6 year old DD as I can imagine how she feels and I find it easier to deal with her. DH seems to have no patience and seems to rub her up the wrong way then all hell breaks loose.

I'm in the fence as to whether she is just how she is, or whether there is more to it. I was talking to a friend today about certain things DD does (never mentioing my suspicions at all) and she said "please dont6take this the wrong way, but it sounds a lot like my friends DD who has.." and I finished the sentence for her "aspergers?" And she said yes. I then admitted that not only had it crossed my mind but I was waiting for an assessment myself.

-People have commented on how loud DD is. She is. I spend a lot of time telling her to turn the volume down. She is loud or louder. I didn't realise how not usual this is until a couple of close friends have pointed it out, not in a nasty way, they find it amusing. I find it exhausting as I don't like a lot of noise.
-She doesn't like noise. She has always been on the fringes at parties and usually has hung around me. She didn't really enjoy her own class party and kept leaving the room. She has asked me never to have another one for her.
-She has had a habit of making stupid noises. She'll go up to someone and just make the weird "eh" noise at them. It is people she knows, me, teacher, other parents she knows.
-She has no awareness of strangers or personal boundaries. She is a VERY huggy child, to the point I've had to tell her no one except family and her teacher as it was getting ridiculous and some were men who clearly felt uncomfortable with this child they didn't know hugging them. I had a chat with her teacher last year about it and she said it's something to keep an eye on. The teacher told me how DD would get attached to students and literally be hanging on their legs.
-She seems to struggle in school with her peers sometimes. She has mentioned frequently that her playtimes have been spent sat alone or walking around the playground by herself. Her teacher says she is bossy and reluctant to play with others who don't play her game. This is in class though, she doesn't see the isolation at playtimes. I have witnessed it myself going past, and my friend mentioned it to me as her DD told her about it.
-She is so slow. At everything. By all accounts she is bright, very able. But chronically slow with everything she does. There is never ever a sense of urgency.
-Being in trouble and punishments don't phase her at all. She literally couldn't give a shit. On the whole she is very complient and well behaved but there was a few issues last year in school where she had red cards and had to stay on a chair but she really wasn't bothered, sat there quite happily messing about. The teacher also said this was something to keep an eye on.
-She has had real issues with separation anxiety. She used to run out of the room at nursery and cried every time I took her. She quite happily skipped all the way there, then when it came to me leaving her, she changed. Same with school for quite a while. I had to physically hand her to the teacher or she would run down the corridor after me. Now she is fine.
-If we didn't make her, she would never leave the house.
-She can have an absolute fit if she isn't listened to, usually at DH. I don't seem to get them. Example, last night I got her showered but needed to go toilet. I said I would dress her and dry her hair after. DH then tried to get her to sit so he could start drying her hair. She was saying that mummy was going to do it (he usually does her shower and hair but it's always a huge battle, I've never had a battle over it with her). I reinterated that I said I was going to do it but maybe he could read her a story while she was waiting. Cue huffing from him, he wasn't listening and kept saying to DD he would just do some. This makes her react so she is shouting that no, mummy said she was going to do it. I had to point this out again to him. He did start reading and DD was fine. I went in after, got her dressed and did her hair, no drama. Every time he deals with her, it ends in shouting matches.
-She has issues with "icky bits" with her socks. Cue tantrum about the seem of the sock not being in the right place because it's an "icky bit" and it needs sorting before shenis happy. I also had to return a lovely top I bought her last week because she said it was strangling her, it wasn't, it was a roll neck but not tight but you could see how much she hated having it on even for a few seconds.

I don't know. It all seems to trivial writing it down. It was just when my friend mentioned it and I had already wondered that made me think. She is described in school as "having character", not naughty, generally very kind and caring, but she does seem to have this personality, which seems 'normal' to me but certain things seem a bit off (the hugging, not caring about being in trouble or consequences) and then with others bringing up about how overly loud she is and the fact she is on the go more and how talkative she is. She literally never stops. It's exhausting!

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Who would I ask for an assessment? School or GP?

When the teacher mentioned last year about keeping an eye on her over friendliness and lack of caring about being in trouble, I asked why and was it potentially pointing to something like being on the spectrum and she said "oh no" and she has the same teacher again this year (who is lovely and DD really loves her). I'm not sure they would see an issue because she seems fine although they know her slowness is a bit of a problem. At parents evening the teacher said she is very bright but there isn't much evidence for her work because she is so slow. They are working on it and she gets to earn ipad time so she is getting more done. The teacher asked me how to deal with it as usually children would be kept in to finish but she would be in all the time. I did say that rewards are better than punishments as she literally wouldn't care. She loves earning ipad time and house points instead. I have also mentioned the playground/alone thing so she is aware there are a few issues there. But compared to the badly behaved ones in the class (there are a few boys) or the ones who are really struggling with work at all, DD wouldn't get noticed as having an actual issue.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

That's what I was thinking. I have an appointment with local MH team next month. I don't know how long it will be until a formal assessment. I'll make sure I ask.