DS2 is approaching his 5th birthday. He has diagnosed ASD, speech and language disorder (huge echolalia and little functional language), sensory issues and massive control/rigidity issues. He is also developmentally delayed.
So many times now, I've bought gifts for him that I think he will like and they've not even been looked at. I have thought and thought, and felt that I have got it right, but I just haven't.
So, for his birthday, I have bought his some second hand wooden Thomas and Friends trains (we have about 100 already), some In The Night Garden books and a bag of stones. Yes a bag of stones. I know that he will like them. He will bury them in the dry earth in the garden and line them up on the path.
But I am sad that my child is so, so different. DS1 is NT and when he was 5, he had dress up clothes, duplo, art and craft stuff etc for his birthday. Feeling quite down about it all today.
If it's any consolation I think they sound like lovely gifts. My DS loved stones when he was younger - if someone had given him a bag of special shiny ones I think I would have been touched as it would have shown that they had really understood what he enjoyed.
I know it's hard when you compare to NT siblings or other children the same age, but you sound like a lovely caring parent who really knows what your little boy would enjoy; and his birthday should be about the things he likes.
It's so difficult when you compare. ds2 is 5. When ds1 was this age he was playing out in our quiet cul-de-sac with other 5+ year olds on the street. I couldn't leave ds2 to play in the garden by himself. Not that he could, he needs support to play otherwise he does nothing.
We've also bought loads of stuff we thought he'd like but didn't. It's hard to get your head round. A bag of stones is lovely though because he'll love them!
These days I wait for the feelings to pass or put up a mental block to stop thinking what if or anything about the past.
I heard someone say comparison is the thief of joy the other day. I was feeling a bit as you are now and I just thought YES it so is. I try to therefore mentally stop myself as previous poster has said. Not easy though, I feel the sadness as well at times. Maybe picture the look of delight on his face when he sees his stones. That is what it's really about and in a way it's good it's you feeling sad and not him...a mums life hey!