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How to stop biting?

(28 Posts)
mochalight Sat 01-Apr-17 13:31:59

Hi all, I'm desperate for some advice!
DD has ASD and recently has really started to bite others quite badly. Just picked her up from ballet class and teacher raised serious concern she has bitten two kids and the TA and sometimes pushes smaller kids; it's not the first time she mentioned this but it's the first time she told me seriously that I need to take dd to see professionals as if it goes on she will cause damage (sensing exclusion). The first time the teacher mentioned this I immediately checked with school if she does that to classmates and was told no but sometimes to adults and they are monitoring that. She doesn't do that to us at home so I don't know how to teach her when we are not in the context (she has significant difficulties with social communication and language). I saw her bite a doll at home and immediately told her no and explained it hurts and not appropriate, and pretended that the doll cried, but she hasn't done this in front of us again.

I want to teach her to understand biting hurts and is not appropriate. Any tips and advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

PolterGoose Sat 01-Apr-17 14:15:25

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PolterGoose Sat 01-Apr-17 14:16:14

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zzzzz Sat 01-Apr-17 14:24:28

I would say biting hurts and would say it hurt the doll. My children all had a very fluid understanding of what was and wasn't conscious though so perhaps I was just playing to my audience grin

With ds I always found it very important to tell him what I wanted him TO do rather than just telling him not to do something. "No biting, biting makes owies" followed by instruction to do whatever you DO want him to do. Choose your alternative action carefully. Best to find out WHY he bites first.

PolterGoose Sat 01-Apr-17 14:36:31

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zzzzz Sat 01-Apr-17 15:34:19

grin <whispers> not just dolls polt but floors and pillows and houses and plants.....

It made sense to us. The zzzzz's live in a very different world grin

PolterGoose Sat 01-Apr-17 15:51:23

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zzzzz Sat 01-Apr-17 16:09:03

grin

Shootingstar2289 Sat 01-Apr-17 16:25:01

We have had this sudden problem with our son too (age 5 and has ASD) hmm

He bit three children at school this week. He is nearly six and never done this before.

We are having similar problems. He doesn't do it at home, so I feel like we can't address the problem here as talking about biting at school while at home would just confuse him. So I have no idea what to do!

I don't have much advice for you. I just wanted to let you know we are going through the same thing. The only thing I can think of is the sensory chew sort of toys!

Good luck to you! ❤️

PolterGoose Sat 01-Apr-17 16:29:38

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mochalight Sun 02-Apr-17 16:00:13

Thanks all!

Polter yes i did think (and hope) it's a phase as she never did this when she was a toddler. But I still need to address this. The problem is apart from that one time she did that to the doll I never witness this. Don't know what triggered that and without knowing that I don't know how to address. As that happened at ballet classes when most of the time they are 'on the go', I think it's difficult to redirect her. I will suggest chewing stuff to the teacher. Thanks!

Zzzzz I don't know exactly why as I wasn't there. But we guess it could be that she needs space and doesn't want unfamiliar kids (as far as I know she targeted the new comers) near her so she bites or pushes. This is what we've seen at parks or soft play - she didn't bite but may push/pull others' hair when a kid walks close to her. We manage to redirect that by asking her to say hello instead. But again we can't there to redirect her attention in the ballet class.

Shooting it's frustrating isn't it? It's not like I don't want to work on it but it's difficult when we are not there. Does the school give you any advice? I really hope she can continue with the class as she loves it very much and group activities are good for her. My plan now is to go there earlier next week to tell dd that the other kids are her friends and see if that helps. It's just so hard sad good luck to you too flowers

PolterGoose Sun 02-Apr-17 16:27:23

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zzzzz Sun 02-Apr-17 16:34:08

Is it when they queue up?
There's an awful lot of chubby little arms and legs in a ballet queue (and some of them are attached to little hands that pinch so DON'T assume your dd is the only child with a passing feeling of frustration). The teacher can help by letting you observe and think if strategies. Explain to her that this is the only way autistic children can join in the world and that her cooperation could really impact your ds's development wink you would be flabbergasted at how many people feel key to ds's development grin

F1ipFlopFrus Sun 02-Apr-17 17:58:20

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mochalight Mon 03-Apr-17 17:53:19

Thanks all again.
Polter i think in a class they usually have a variety of group dances (move around), sit down time, paired movements. I will speak to teacher and see if she is happy for me to go and observe for one session. As far as I know the TA or teacher always hold her hand but it's a group of kids ranging from 2.5 to 5+ years old so I believe they can't do that at all times. She's verbal in making her wants known but when she's frustrated and distressed she simply loses all her words. Her SALT recommended me to teach her to say 'I don't like it'. I will do but again without being in the context I'm not sure how effective that can be.

Zzzzz according to her it always happens very quickly and randomly, so it's not only when they are lining up. I think they have been trying to be understanding but if she continues to do that it can be really disruptive to the class. True that she only targeted those without ballet cardigans! I suppose it's difficult for her to resist the urge to bite seeing all those chubby arms blush

F1ip exactly! I asked what triggered her but was told they didn't see anything. It maybe true but without knowing exactly why it's difficult to address. To be fair though the group has some smaller kids that they may have to pay more attention to.

F1ipFlopFrus Mon 03-Apr-17 20:47:16

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zzzzz Mon 03-Apr-17 21:42:34

I think the chub is irresistible grin

F1ipFlopFrus Mon 03-Apr-17 21:53:24

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mochalight Tue 04-Apr-17 23:04:58

F1ip thanks, but ah no I don't think it's because of the need to be the same as she doesn't have issue with that. I can only guess it could be because those kids are unfamiliar to her and for some reason they triggered her anger or frustration and she doesn't know how to communicate and then those chubby arms are just irresistible as zzzzz said blush I think I will need to go to the class to observe and speak to the teacher that it's important for us to know the triggers and think of any calming strategies that may be possible to implement. Not sure if that's too much to ask for confused

PolterGoose Wed 05-Apr-17 07:30:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber Wed 05-Apr-17 08:57:49

play doh is actually pretty similar to bite too, and non-toxic.

zzzzz Wed 05-Apr-17 11:00:04

The important thing is to stress that you've taken expert advice (moi grin)

Honestly it isn't too much to ask.

EineKleine Wed 05-Apr-17 16:53:31

DS isn't diagnosed so this may not be any help but the thing that helped him was offering him a hug if he was looking bitey. It made no sense to me at the time but the different sort of touch did seem to work a lot better than any other form of distraction.

He likes to rub his face on certain textures now, and we are experimenting with using that to help him cope with being in uncomfortable situations. Maybe a good dose of pleasing texture beforehand and a timely hand held or shoulder squeeze if you can isolate the tricky bit. Is this the sort of thing body brushing is meant to help with? (rank amateur, may be way off!)

Biting can be very emotive, it's really difficult.

mochalight Sun 09-Apr-17 05:30:58

Thank you all again.

So I actually saw this happened, not biting but pinching classmates. It was end of term class and all parents were invited to watch how a lesson ran (i totally forgot about this last week as was focused on her biting issue), so that happened twice in front of 50+ parents. I don't even know what words can describe my emotions and feelings at the time.

The teacher didn't lie to me. Last time I asked if they saw what triggered her and she said no, I thought it's because it was quite a group of kids that they couldn't see. Now I saw that myself and honestly there was no reason. Both of the times today happened when the music stopped and they were waiting for the next song to start to do another move. All girls stopped and all of a sudden dd ran to a nearby child (the child had her back to dd in fact) and pinched her aggressively, the second time it was the same but I + teachers managed to stop dd before she was able to touch that child.

So it was not the space thing I thought it was. She didn't even look distressed or annoyed when she ran to pinch her classmate. The child pinched by dd cried and we asked her to apologise, she did say sorry but was smiling (the kind of smile like that she found the whole thing funny). After lesson I spoke to the teacher and she said this sort of thing (biting or pinching) happened 4-5 times in a lesson. She was very understanding and said she's now managing it with TA and it's just that dd needs to be kept a close eye on.

I don't know if it's boredom or attention seeking. Dd is under sensitive to senses and has a high pain threshold so I think she doesn't understand this causes pain. I've been telling her it's not right to pinch or bite and she seems to understand but still does this! It's so so so frustrating.

Any words of wisdom from you will be much appreciated.

PolterGoose Sun 09-Apr-17 08:34:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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