DTS1 (ASD / ADHD) currently in YR4. He will meet the YR4 academic targets. Around 2 years ago we decided to try medication and this has helped him with impulse control and concentration (to a degree) so he now only has the school funded hours of support.
He is constantly "getting told off" for... talking/interrupting/shouting out/not waiting his turn/ wandering off... etc etc. He has a very short fuse and frustrations can lead him to lose his temper very quickly and although we have (thankfully, after much hard work at home) moved away from the physical aggression, the verbal aggression is still a constant, and I can see the older he gets the physical outbursts could quite easily return.
Although the school is good, I can tell from what they write in his communication book that they believe he's just not trying hard enough to control himself. If it helps to add some context here, he has a NT twin brother, who is often used as an example of an exemplary pupil by CT's and Head! This helps in that they can't pull bad parenting card with me, but doesn't help DTS1 with his self esteem when in school.
His self esteem is at rock bottom and he is constantly retreating into his ipad to get away from the world! Socially he is very behind and although he has friends, his interactions with them are very awkward at best. He is very immature compared to his peers and I can see him being a prime subject for bullying once in secondary school.
I've always been told that he would never get a statement/EHCP because he is not behind academically so I've never bothered to even apply.
Does anyone have a similar child and have managed to get an EHCP?
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
EHCP... any point applying
Bookeatingboy · 24/03/2017 14:54
To be honest Bodley I'm worn out with going through this every year with a different CT and a different approach, there is no continuity and it's like we are starting again every bloody year 
The SENCO is trying to pacify me by saying she's going to do some refresher training with staff! I really am done.
I'm going to speak to IPSEA on Monday and as you say Crusoe we have nothing to lose by trying!
Don't get me started on the lack of continuity! Grrr...
Anyway we are currently in the assessment phase for an EHCP. I was also told that there was no chance that we would get anywhere.... but then school didn't really think/notice DS had ASD 
Do you have any open NHS referrals? If not try to get some open and/re-opened and get a professional to write you a letter about supporting your DS' transition to secondary. You probably need to choose a school based on needs/expertise rather than difference - this is the one thing a school can't do on SEN Support and so it is a genuine reason for applying for an EHCP. Ideally you can get an NHS professional to say that they think your DS "may benefit from a plan" particularly in relation to secondary transfer. I think this is what helped us get an "agree to assess" when everyone else told us we would get nowhere.
I think lots of people are still stuck in the "statement" mindset. I think lots of ASD kids didn't qualify for help under that system if they were academically average or above. Under EHCP mental health/social & emotional SEN carry a decent weight so I think it benefits kids with ASD a lot. If you want to PM me your email address I could send you a copy of my application letter and you can try to adapt it if would help. Another kind mumsnetter sent me theirs, so I could do the same, if you come back and do similar?!
tartan I'm going to send you a PM, thank you for your very kind offer of help 
Bodley I am going to give it a shot, did you use any private professionals or just NHS ones? Is your son behind academically?
Thanks for the feedback Bodley interestingly ds's handwriting is also terrible and is always raised at IEP meetings.
He has had an OT assessment but not a sensory assessment as out county don't do these as part of the standard OT assessment. It is well documented that his senses are all heightened though so we know he needs one.
Interestingly we have a very honest CT this year and to the school's detriment she is writing daily that he is struggling with concentration, listening, shouting out, waiting his turn, following instructions etc She then write "You just need to try harder bookeatingboy" 
Ah yes, despite his dx of ASD & ADHD and all of the associated difficulties with these conditions, all he needs to do is try harder... now why didn't we think of this!
In previous years none of his CT have been so honest, because they somehow believe this shows them in a bad light, and suggests they are incapable of doing their job. Which is crazy.
Whoknows thanks for the candid feedback relating to your ds. I know it wont be easy and I'm finding the starting process quite daunting but I guess we learn quickly once in the system so to speak.
I do have some funds if I need to use professionals but we see our paediatrician every six months since ds is medicated. So I will speak with her at our next appointment which will be quite soon.
Sadly we had another incident on Friday whereby he lost his temper with some boy who were tormenting/goading him and we had some name calling. These boys then told the TA, who told DS off and marched him straight off to see the CT, who also told him off.
Eventually when ds wouldn't calm down, they gave him an opportunity to speak and it transpired that these boys were winding ds up (they are sneaky enough to know when the TA/CT are not looking) and probably enjoy seeing DS lose it and get into trouble.
Of course I'm not using this as an excuse, and we have done some more role play at home to help him with this, but school believe the onus is all on DS... and it's not!
Bodley school have received lots of support from specialist teachers from the outreach services... all starts well then fades away if I don't keep on top of them. Then we start a new school year, new CT and back to square one with a different approach!
I consider myself quite a strong person but this constant merry go round is now beginning to affect my well being too! This constant change hardly inspires my views on what support might be like for him in secondary school. Hence my first post.
One example... Specialist teacher suggests a very simple laminate that stays with DS to show any other school staff who have dealings with him things they must do to help him achieve his best. It also has reminders ones for ds too. This would be great if they bothered to use it! Now I've raised it again the new CT has changed it (again) but this time it's all about was DS needs to do, nothing at all about what staff members need to do I could offer more examples but I guess you get the picture. Then I'm accused of being over invested in ds's education.
Sadly the SENCO (who is great) is being led the merry dance too and despite her best efforts things have gotten worse in her absence. Now she's back we may see some progress again but to be frank I've reached the end of the line with them.
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