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When they don't want to do play dates - tips pls!!

(13 Posts)
Blossom4538 Mon 20-Mar-17 15:41:27

Dd struggles hugely with play dates and finds it easier at park. She has some struggles and being assessed for ASD.
So after school, I was approached by parent to arrange a play date - with me going too. I said yes and didn't have my phone so he said we'll arrange tomorrow.
Speaking to DD after school, she really likes this girl but 100percent does not want to go on play date, even with me in tow, and at the park where she finds it easier (we were invited I their house). How can I deal with this in the brief time after school tomorrow before the kids come out?!

I guess explain DDs struggles and that she adores her friend but currently finds playing outside of school hard to cope with? Perhaps in the future?

Pls help!! Don't want it to be awkward in short amount of time we have.

Also, do your children struggle with this with ASD/aspergers? She likes friends inside school but finds it hard outside and looks so uncomfortable.

PolterGoose Mon 20-Mar-17 16:24:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossom4538 Mon 20-Mar-17 16:59:53

We have one or two play dates at our house in the past, but she starts behaving erratically, removing clothes, getting aggressive with me and going into full on hyper mode.

I thought she'd like to meet up in park. Seems she's only happy doing that with one or two friends we made when she was tiny, from toddler group - and still struggles with that quite often too. She doesn't want to do it with new friends. She goes selectively mute and turns away when we bump into friends outside of school our if they speak to her at pick up.
Does this sound familiar. I sometimes think I'm driving myself crazy but pretty sure she must be on the spectrum. We had a SALT assessment recently and she didn't interact so they are going to observe her at school.

PolterGoose Mon 20-Mar-17 17:25:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imip Mon 20-Mar-17 18:57:32

Yes, as above, take them to an activity.

Cinema is always really good as they don't need to talk! Then perhaps lunch and play date over!

On Saturday, we picked up dds friend early and just took her to a cafe for 45 mins. Short and sweet.

Ice skating is one I want to get better at!

Blossom4538 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:20:39

Thanks all.
She's still only 5 so some of them are quite nervous on play dates.

zzzzz Mon 20-Mar-17 20:35:48

I'd just say you are worried she'll fall asleep because she is shattered after school. Suggest meeting during the holidays at the park/wherever.

It is VERY common for children to be tongue tied on okay dates. (Trust me I have five!)

Blossom4538 Tue 21-Mar-17 09:32:27

Okay, after being adamant about not going yesterday, today she has said she will have a play at the park...worth a try. Will have to poss inform parents re struggles etc - I think she will poss go mute which is confusing to her friends sometimes.

zzzzz Tue 21-Mar-17 09:46:05

Dd was selectively mute at that stage. Get them something to focus/play with if possible. Planes or bubbles and a sweetie often are all that's needed to break the ice.

imip Tue 21-Mar-17 09:49:12

We've done cinema 'dates' at 5, it's worked for us, but very very 'safe' movies. You could try one during the Easter holidays, or soft play? For out dd with ASD we will always have craft, so the focus is craft, conversation is a sideline. We have a trampoline, which is also popular (egg timer for timing!).

I have a 5 yo play date tonight in fact, two NT children, and I find I put just as much work in for my 8yo ASD dc when siblings have play dates also, unfortunately....

Blossom4538 Tue 21-Mar-17 10:24:17

Good idea with the bubbles, DD loves them. Sweeties also lol!!

Zzzzz may I ask how old your DD is now and her diagnosis, if you don't mind? When did she no longer become selectively mute and when did it start? DD is making progress, with the odd set back. She still struggles with it massively.

imip, there's a lot of planning isn't there! I have a feeling this little girl is shy and parents may need to be present too.
DD has been to the cinema twice and each time has been in a foul mood/aggressive afterwards, so not sure if it's slightly sensory overload. She does however want to go and see the new Beauty and the Beast film, but not sure if a little too scary in places. We may test cinema out again and see..!

zzzzz Tue 21-Mar-17 10:30:25

Dd is 9 and still shy/reticent but talks in all settings and can be quite confident. She has epilepsy and medication and personality combined to produce massive social anxiety and separation anxiety. She's been much better for a couple of years now smile. Toys like walky talkyS helped and just lots and lots of support at home and school. Making videos is another good way of helping overcome barriers.

imip Tue 21-Mar-17 10:36:23

Oh yes, I think beauty and the beast may be a little scary. I always check out movies on common Sense Media. They have little film clips which will show you the nature of the scary bits - really useful to see.

What about a movie at home and setting up the soon as a cinema with pop corn, tickets, dark room etc?

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