Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.
DS being referred to SALT / pediatrician for suspected Social Communication Disorder(16 Posts)
He has just turned 4. Nursery expressed concerns so I made an appointment with the GP who said it was a "parenting issue". So went to our (lovely) HV who has done 2 assessments, one on educational development and one on social and emotional skills. He scored considerably ahead on the first, and very behind on the second.
So he is being referred. The HV has mentioned Social Communication Disorder, pathological demand avoidance and high functioning autism. She also said it could purely be down to having had a really stressful year last year (death of family dog which DS didn't take well, death of my MIL which DS just hasn't processed at all, me very ill with hyperemesis, birth of his baby sister a little premature, plus Dh had a really rough patch after his mum died). It's a lot for an adult to process, never mind a little boy.
So I guess now I wait. I'm really struggling with behaviour and dont know if I should start researching things like HFA and try some new techniques now, or hang fire.
I'm a bit all over the place tbh. To make matters worse my parents "don't believe in autism" so I'm getting zero support from them.
Arf at "don't believe in autism"
How refreshingly honest
I don't believe in mortgage payments but sadly they shape much of my life.
Parenting a child who's social ability lags behind their chronological age can be challenging but it is also a bit more thought provoking and interesting. What specific difficulties are you finding hard?
Ugh, tell me about it. I expect stupid comments like this from my mother, but my dad is actually fairly intelligent. My step mum is lovely though and will hopefully set him straight.
He's very aggressive with other children. He bites and hits with no warning. I've posted before actually, I'll see if I can find it an will post a link.
He struggles with change. Right now my biggest challenge is finding an acceptable replacement toothbrush.
So many little things that just make day to day life hard work.
My most recent thread is here. I have no idea why I name changed for it!
Possibly more useful background if you're really bored!
Im a pda mum (self diagnosed) it doesnt exist in real life 😂 so happy to give you any answers to any questions you may have x
crazy what do you mean it doesn't exist? I've not googled any of it as I don't want to scare myself unnecessarily.
Things are a little bananas here so I can't post as I normally would. What helps is a supportive environment. There are lots of little things you can do that will add up to things getting much better for all of you. The first stage is to be really observant. What happens before he gets cross/sad/bites? Sometimes it's as simple as giving more warning of changes, or a snack/drink, or saving precious toys from guests. It's the same things all parents do, but more far reaching and more deliberate.
Thanks for replying zzzzz. Honestly I've agonised over triggers, I just can't figure it out. Tonight I was laying on his bed with him, reading him bedtime stories and he just leaned over and pinched me on the face, hard enough that it's left a mark. I asked him why and he just shrugged and smiled.
Toys are definitely a huge issue. His lego goes away if we're having guests, no questions. Last time I looked after a friend's dd for a couple of hours so I put together two identical trays of cloud dough and molds. It still descended into chaos with DS insisting he should have all of it. We rarely socialise now tbh.
Sensory feed back? Some children/people need the pinch/feel there are shops that specialise in producing different squidgers and fiddlers. I'm more of a
cheapskate home made kind of girl so I would go with a balloon filled with a cup of corn flour tied and then another on top. Give it to him while you are reading.
Sharing is hard (lets face it none of us like it we just pretend). Changing activities regularly helps as does stopping for snacks etc.
I think the Montessori way of helping children to do things for themselves is really helpful for the early years. I didn't really read it all till ds was much older, but all that easy help yourself shelves, water cups, and washing stuff helps in lots of ways. The more he can do for himself the less frustrated and cross he will be (and it will give you a real kick).
Sorry i mean its not in the diagnositc manual so therefore cannot be diagnosed as a condition in its own right. So you have to go down the asd route or go privately.
I'm not sure I really subscribe to PDA, it's the pathological bit that doesn't quite ring true for me. Demand avoidance of itself is well documented and I think explains ds's behaviour much better than thinking of it as pathological (ie intrinsically pat of him).
If you want to think about all things autism then Neurotribes is a great book.
Thanks zzzzz, he usually fiddles around with his cuddly toys. I'll sort out something like you suggest.
SO confused over the PDA thing now! Why on earth did the hv mention it if it's not recognised?
PDA is "a thing". I think people tend not to understand it though so I'm not sure how useful it is. I would say you should read about ASD and sensory processing disorder. Not because he has either but because the stuff they do to help those conditions might help him.
It most definitely is a thing but not nhs recognised if your HV mentioned it you have a good HV. Visit the PDA website and join the pda groups. Everything from being a ridiculously baby to an over active imagination as well as the asd traits rang true. X
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