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Heartbroken for DD age 7 - Any Advice offered appreciated

(4 Posts)
ladytrader Sat 11-Feb-17 15:10:20

I posted in Parenting but have been advised to post here

In short - DD has ADD and has no friends. Only users i.e. when nobody else is around, the girls at school talk to her. When ANYbody else is around, they brush past her to get to someone else.

I just witnessed the girl who played with her all yesterday afternoon at after school club completely ignore her this morning. . .twice. Another girl who played with her at breakfast club yesterday morning completely ignored her this morning (both girls did this because other friends were around). This is getting worse but until now, she was oblivious.

The problem is she is starting to notice this. The look on her face when this morning has broken me. My poor DD was looking forward to this event all week and she is left sitting on her own with none of her 'friends'.

She doesnt have much to say as her communication levels are below her age. She cannot form straightforward sentences and repeats herself. Ive spent years kicking and screaming (metaphorically speaking) trying to get extra help from school. DD gets the odd 2 hours here and there to work on her social skills.

So, how do I help her? I have no idea where to go with this. She is due to go to junior school next year. In truth, she doesnt have anything interesting, new or funny to say. people right her off so quickly.

I can't stop crying. Any advice will be appreciated.

Fairylea Sat 11-Feb-17 15:29:01

I'm so sorry. My dd has been through periods of being excluded from friendships (any friendships) and being left out from things. It is just awful.

My immediate thought is whether there are any out of school clubs or activities she would be interested in joining where she would get to mix with lots of different children, some of which may be younger than her and more her "age" socially if that makes sense?

zzzzz Sat 11-Feb-17 18:20:20

Communication and interaction team would be the ones offering guidance and support to school here on how to support her.
The fact she can be the "if no one else is there" go to friend, while infuriating for you indicates that she is able to "do friendship " on some level.

It sounds like she is and will become more vulnerable as she grows up.

Do school run nurture groups?

Boys often overcome this deficit with obsessive gaming, sport, or hobbies. Would she be able to access anything like that?

tartanterror Sat 11-Feb-17 19:39:27

My DS is 8 and has ASD/Aspergers. He is socially active but odd so the other children are tolerating this less and less. I know it doesn't seem like it, but the fact your DD has noticed and is not happy means that she has the chance to learn from the experience. This is a huge asset. Often the problem is that our kids don't notice - and what you can't perceive you can't change. There aren't any easy answers but I used some social stories about how to join in and play etc off Amazon by Cherie Meyers and also the Social Thinking materials are quite good, for group dynamics and showing what the "expected" and "unexpected" behaviour is and how those different types of actions cause thoughts and feelings good or bad in other people. Also the old, "be a friend to have a friend". My DS talks at people and can't bring his attention to the other person's topic. Frankly he irritates them. We try to remind him about how his actions affect others' thoughts and feelings - and relate them back to some painful events in the past. When he is motivated he can change his behaviour, but it takes him a lot of effort and usually upset. There is no evidence based social skills therapy to be accessed so I'd suggest you can do more than anyone to help your DD while at school you could ask for a Circle of Friends for your DD which might help to improve the playground dynamic. It is hard to stand on the sidelines! Good luck

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