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5yo ds and temper tantrums getting out of control

(11 Posts)
Flowerydems Thu 29-Dec-16 10:04:37

Already posted on another bit, got told I should try here for advice

Hopefully someone on here will be able to help. This will be long as don't want to drip feed.

Ds was diagnosed with a genetic condition last year but has started school this year and apart from some sen help he seems to be getting on ok. He is hypermobile so tires really easily and isn't managing to write or concentrate very well but they are aware of this.

He is really well behaved at school, he doesn't like crowds and loud noises so he has a small group of friends that he sticks to and that's fine, and aside from a badly behaved boy that keeps hitting him (head and teachers are already keeping an eye on this child) he's doing well.

Until he's at home. The outbursts are getting severe and he's taking it out on his brother (3) ds2 is really well behaved and is quite advanced behaviour and communication wise in comparison so not sure if this is the reason.

The screaming and stamping has become a nightmare and I genuinely don't know what the best course of action is to try and help him control it. I'm in the process of trying the talking to him calmly and quietly when it gets out of control to force him to listen and that seems to help. However we're due dc3 in a week and I'm starting to stress about these outbursts which have increased to a few times a day during the holidays.

Any experience or help any one can give would be amazing cause I'm struggling with this now

Msqueen33 Sat 31-Dec-16 17:58:10

First I'd say school if it's his first year he's probably tired. A girl with an nt child posted on a local fb group about how her angel son had become a demon at home and was hitting her, being rude and abusive and horrible. The first year exhausted them.

Also, he's probably having to hold it all it at school and what you see at home is all that stress. Has he got a safe space? Somewhere quiet he can have some down time and process the day?

Flowerydems Sat 31-Dec-16 19:28:38

Well we usually have time just him and me walking home from school, then homework with a cup of tea and a biscuit. But then his brother comes home not long after that and it's back to madness. Any suggestions for safe spaces? I could try and carve him out a wee nook in the flat

Msqueen33 Sat 31-Dec-16 19:54:31

What about a small tent? Asda do them and so do a few other places. Our house descends into chaos when they all get home. Do you have a trampoline? Maybe a bit of physical activity.

PanannyPanoo Sat 31-Dec-16 20:04:18

He sounds very like my daughter. She has a form of hypermobility. Academically. She is bright. Behaves beautiful. at school. At home her emotions can be just too big to cope with. it is well worth remembering that because of the hypermobility life is especially exhausting. It takes much more muscle strength and effort to do everything as joints are being constantly stabilised unconsciously. There is also the possibility he could be in pain. I have the same condition and only as an adult realised what I felt every day wasn't normal.
A pop up tent is perfect for a safe space. or just a blanket over the table with cushions under and a torch. I will post a link if I can work out how about the extra difficulties for a child with ehlers Danlos syndrome in the classroom. This is a form of hypermobility so there many relevant points. What is his condition?

PanannyPanoo Sat 31-Dec-16 20:06:47

mystripylife.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/eds-cmt-meltdowns-fatigue.html?m=1

PanannyPanoo Sat 31-Dec-16 20:07:28

my daughter also enjoys a childs relaxation/mindfulness CD

Flowerydems Sat 31-Dec-16 21:44:33

It's a chromosomal abnormality but they don't think the hypermobility is particularly linked to it but because it's rare there's not a lot of research on it if that makes sense? He was born with clubfoot and has Pedro boots to help with his knees now but I agree that it's this that's exhausting him. I'm actually going to look at tents just now that's such a good idea

Flowerydems Sat 31-Dec-16 21:54:27

God I'm actually crying reading that blog post it's exactly how it is here

PanannyPanoo Sun 01-Jan-17 11:16:45

We also have a chromosome disorder affecting 3 : 11 that is unrelated to eds. my sister has eds but splendid chromosomes!
I am sorry it made you sad. that was the last thing I intended. I really related to it and sent it to the school and her grandparents. Just to give them a different perspective on her behaviour. Have you heard of the spoon theory? that is worth a read. We stopped outside activities apart from swimming a couple of years ago. I also drive her to and from school (which is only a 20 minute walk ) quite frequently as it often feels a push to far! She is 7 now and much more aware of her tiredness and pain. She will ask to stay in at playtime at school if she is feeling wiped out. and chooses a friend who will stay with her and do colouring in etc. The school have been amazing. So supportive and understanding.
Hugs to you all and a happy New year.wine

Flowerydems Sun 01-Jan-17 13:19:07

Oh no don't get me wrong it was more relief cause of reading that someone's going through the same things. Trying to put your smiley face on in front of other mums in the playground at home time knowing what's going to happen when you get in the door is exhausting

I'll have a read of the spoon theory but we're looking into a tent for ds just to see if that helps.

Happy new year to you aswell wine and thanks so much for your input, it's so good hearing how other people deal with these things

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